Jalsa, Mumbai Oct 20/21, 2014 Mon/Tue 12 : 15 am
I sell rice the entire day .. I propagate the qualities of its make .. I work with renowned chef of the nation .. I am directed by the better half of one that challenges me in his own works .. I am drenched with the efficiency of each grain through meticulous hands of the opposite gender … I falter half way through the day .. I awaken at the rush of the traffic on my drive back .. I run in the chase with the ‘little one’ in the vacant spaces of the house .. I admire her qualities of remembrance - incidents, words, moments … I discuss travel and work.. I watch that cancer stricken lady win a crore of rupees at KBC .. I walk across to the attendance of office .. I return back to my communication centre .. I write .. I am .. him
and him …
and him too ..
I watch the grandeur of HNY with the cast and crew, and admire the presentation the performances and the very scale of production .. I wish those connected and those not .. I respond to the pings on the hand systems of connect .. I lament the traffic and its lack of rules by others .. I know in reality it shall take a million years to rectify that .. I know .. I know a million is too much, it was more metaphoric .. I see my mind correcting the ailments and losing .. I climb up to my desk in one breathe … I slip into what seems like those sleeper suits you get on planes .. I am warm from the conditioned cold .. I continue to write .. and write …
I am full of I’s today .. I is a wrong expression .. I would hesitate often before using it .. I am driven to use it today .. I hope I can stay away from it soon .. I will and I will ..
There you see .. I am rid of it .. But am I really .. I just used some more of it ..I am besotten to this .. I should not .. I really should not .. I need to rectify this tonight .. I …
Me mine I are hesitancy words, used hesitantly becomes most. The use of it in terms of its excess defies nature in some .. Many many of us do not find that in them to be such .. It is what we learnt in those formative years .. those years when matters stuck to you to be brought into use later, much later .. In the discussion for the rights and wrongs of the generation of today, many feel disappointed with the lot … Many feel the tradition and values drifting away .. I argue that time and legion and environment shall never be compromised, but the development of surroundings shall force us to follow what is being followed … Keep the values in tact, keep the basics in form, and you keep sanity and distress miles away …
Travel again tomorrow to scream and cheer Chennaiyan FC .. !
Jalsa, Mumbai Oct 20, 2014 Mon 8:56 am
SOORRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ….. !!!!
That elusive button never got pressed ..
Jalsa, Mumbai Oct 19/20, 2014 Sun/Mon 2: 11am
बन्दर कभी गुलाटी मारना नहीं भूलता …..
A monkey never forgets how to do the flips or somersaults …
Some habits remain .. they come into us at early ages and just .. remain .. the way we tie our shoe laces, the way we hold our pens and pencils, how we place our hands when we eat … our ways of greeting .. which side of the bed you prefer to get off … which side you wish to sleep, in what position .. how you bathe and soap yourself .. just so many unknown yet known moments …
In testing times, apart from the immediate test and its deliverance, the habits that we have lived with never change .. what we get indoctrinated with in those early years, are precious and lasting .. those impressions only get dissolved with time and other external incidents ..
Future life has the capacity to pollute one .. future life also has the capacity to retain one .. if the lessons and upbringings are firm and resolved, nothing in the living world has the capacity and the capability to change it .. those are the cherished elements .. they are the identity that others ascertain as they seek association .. may they forever remain with us .. in its likeness !
Metropolises and living cities that profess the capability to be the ultimate surroundings for those that seek .. also have habits .. habits that identify it and give it its colour , temperament and character. Mumbai pushes you out of bed each morning and commands you to go and achieve, as does New York ..
Delhi asks each other .. ‘aur kya chal raha hai’ … a hint at what is the scenario politically ..
Mumbai will utter with the calmest .. ‘aur kahan chalna hai’ … the speed of movement being depicted in almost everyday conversation ..
It may sound impersonal and distant at times, but when the need arises it gathers round and becomes that one strong bond .. at times when that call comes from the communicative device, what comes first in mind is .. ‘oh ! I wonder what he wants now ..’ … in the smaller towns and centres its always a call of well being and connection .. work and life in the bigger cities is almost always around the desire to engage in work that shall make one commercially viable, or seek its viability ; barring a few exceptions of course ..
But this above is reality .. its the form untouched and not polluted I believe .. it is affection rare in the bigger surroundings .. and for this I do not know how to manage, address or accept this fact ..
Each Sunday, I wait for that call from the front office to inform me of the gathering and its intensity and its causing of the problem for traffic, for me to come down to meet … and as I leave my surrounding, I look at myself in the mirror to check my attire, my bearing and my mind .. of what the expression shall convey, and for how long .. but once those gates open and I climb up on to the platform so all can see me, the roar of the anticipated crowd adrenalins your insides as it were , to perform, to express, to smile and to greet and show affection .. and as i return back hesitantly, I sit back and wonder whether this would be the last visit from them … would they still be interested enough to come the next Sunday or not … and on ..
Insecurity from the masses is the greatest challenge one has to face .. those that can, and many do, are blessed .. I am not .. for me the call from the audience is the moment of reckoning .. they can deflate you and pick one up, they can elevate you to unknown heights and bring you down with a thump .. I have seen it all .. the elevation and the deflation … the plateau effect and the effect of stagnation … of the smile among audiences, of de recognition, of shame and victory from it, and the triumph of those that decided to make what you become ..
It is a stage that often invites the lessening of the interest .. a cause that shall happen to us all in the business ..
Those that can bear it and live with it in peace and understanding are my heroes … !!
Jalsa, Mumbai Oct 18/19, 2014 Sat/Sun 12:48 am
From the darkness of the night and the terror of uncertain life … from the devastation in the surround .. from the shrieks and cries of help … from the imbedded streets and buildings and vehicles under rapids of food water .. from lives lost, to lives of destruction … from the fear of survival, to the succour of brave hearts .. from humanity to humans .. from beyond the bindings of caste and creed and religious and social bias … from the meagre to the remote sources of help …
Rose many a brave … un concerned and un cared for in their own, but determined to bring those under threat of eventual perishment, to safety and secure locations .. providing them basics of food and water and a space to lay down .. one man, but many like him .. saved 5000 to 6000 lives … they are the true heroes of our great nation ..
They left their own to save others whom they had never met or known .. they worked for days without food or rest .. without any care for self .. just an instinct within to serve those in need selflessly ..
We honoured one such on our KBC .. Waseem Raja … a young man with a young wife and two tiny children … travelled to the call of his friend some 5 kms away when he heard they were in trouble because of the devastating flood waters that were rising at rapid speed, inundating houses, buildings vehicles streets … everything that came nature’s way … searched for a boat somehow and clinging on to the overhead power wires pulled his little life support shikara to bring thousands of stranded families helpless and without hope from the roof tops of their homes …
Stories of bravery by the Sikh community and their Gurudwaras that opened up their gates for free ‘langars’ and the Masjid’s that became relief areas for those stranded to rest and be in safe regions .. of one particular Sardar, who removed his turban and binding it to those struggling against the waters, pulled them out of trouble .. of tearing his turban up to bandage a bleeding survivor .. the turban the most sacred apparel of the Sikh’s .. but put to use for the good of humanity ..
The Army the forces and their relief operations, bringing food and material from the air, patrolling the streets in rubber dingy’s to save lives, flying them to secure regions, opening relief camps with medical facilities ..
I do not know where they get the strength from in such conditions … the human is a rare species … it is never aware of its capacity .. its potential .. its power ..
When used and utilised for the right cause can truly ‘move mountains’ ..
We stand in silence for those that lost their loved ones .. and silently too salute those that saved the lost ..
Jalsa, Mumbai Oct 17/18, 2014 Fri/Sat 12: 39 am
I am fatigued ..
Not by the physicality of it all ..
But by the nature of my association on my beat …
A beat that talks and speaks volumes about human behaviour and its limitations, miseries, and the devastation caused by nature ..
Kashmir .. heaven on earth .. turned into a hell unseen and unheard of ..
I must rest to take in all that I have heard and seen .. but tomorrow is relatively easy on time … more then …
Jalsa, Mumbai Oct 16/17, 2014 Thu/Fri 12: 52 am
Photographs .. they crystallise our moment .. they speak in still .. they emote, express, verbalise, give movement to … and fodder, to the artists and the creatives to re invent some of them through the magic of tools that at time were done mechanically with hand and spirit and heart .. not to say that they do not even now, they do, but that alternative that we often talk of refuses to exit from our psyche ..
Photographs .. they incubate .. they refrigerate .. they remain in endless perpetuity .. they claim eternity .. and they instigate - surprise, proof, time and that oft used but never sincerely followed, cliched word of … nostalgia !
Expectation, warmth and the feared fare ..” if we say it may not happen ..” still haunts us along .. we wish it to happen, but stay back in restrain, in superstition, in reverse expectation, in that unfulfilled want .. how fragile we are as this species .. perhaps the only species that does so .. and to what avail .. they that spew venom against, ruin their minds and environ more than to them they do .. what tremendous internal turmoil they go through to devise, think and manipulate to entertain thoughts that they wish to convey to the other .. foul and decrepit, laced with the choicest of words and expressions that convey hatred and vile demeanour .. how much they destroy their own selves in attempting to destroy another .. the other does nothing but remain free from all this wicked preparation .. that is wise and prudent .. allow the other to diminish himself or herself .. why must you join his or her queue ..????
The photograph does just that .. it remains silent and immovable .. it enjoys the great aura of not knowing what they think or develop in their stationary mind .. it allows interpretation .. interpretation from the other .. never ever divulging what it thinks in its reality … interpretation be damned - so long as I am silent !!
The words of a silent photograph are the voices of interpretation of millions .. yet not one has the capability to really know understand or decipher the reality ..
May that, like many stone walled monuments, be in quiet elegance and place .. worshiped, wondered about, in thought of others in various representations, but never knowing fact …
Being that is salvation … salvation requires immense sacrifice ..
Are any of you ready for that ? I guess not !!!
Jalsa, Mumbai Oct 15/16, 2014 Wed/Thu 1:41 am
A wanderer an impatient soul, one that wishes speed through all what he or she encounters in their day or days .. the impatience of the youth of the generation next as they call them, is infectious .. not just a behavioural infection, but an infection that translates to the means of other existence - the machines the thoughts the entertainment the processes, the language .. everything ..
And I .. this soul within a soul, desperate to walking if not running beside these speed hungry personnel, am caught within the age of reality and the reality of age ..
Age shall happen to all .. some earlier than usual, but happen it shall .. and those that ponder or despair on its effective reflects on our being, must start to ponder at a very early age … indeed from the moment they are born ; for birth starts the count for the end ..
The biggest irony of life .. but of that some other occasion ..
But speed .. that is the common denominator in ours and in every other ours ..
To travel thousands of miles within the span of a few hours, in different circumstances, in different environs, for different causes, addressing different issues .. is the possibility of the generation of today. Because they think it so, it happens .. and happens without second thought, because that is the way they conceive .. they conceive because they know there is possibility .. there is possibility because they know, somewhere somehow someone has devised a most thought out delivery system which shall work .. !! And that truly is the brilliance of the era that swells in the minds of today’s young ..
I think it is a marvellous thought to be a part of it … I think it is a stupendous idea to be in the grasp of the intentions that it propagates .. I think it is only wise to walk with these, rather than look at them from distant disdain .. distant disdain shall only succeed in distance from them .. distance does make the heart grow fonder, but it is not the heart that is the problem - that we know and we acknowledge - it is the mind !
Our minds have been replaced by superior alternative. Alternatives that guide and think for us, work for us, advise us, inform us, remember for us ..
They are the forces that keep mankind and womankind distant from their usage of cells .. cells that are often known to exist in the upper stories of our edifice .. those wonder tubular curves within scalped protection, often called the brain .. the brain which has through calculation known to us as being used never to its capacity .. a capacity that in a lifetime consumes just 33 percent of its whole ..
Imagine then what waste of percentage goes under the earth, into the pyre, or wherever else cremation of those that pass on exacts ..
One day … not too far in the distant future .. we shall be replaced .. by a replacement created and manufactured by us ..
The largest and the biggest and the strangest irony of life .. !!
This Blog of the DAY 2374 … ladies and gentlemen of the extended family has been the effort of one such manufacture ..
Good night ..
I work here at the ‘Purana Quila’ … the old fort in the heart of the city of Delhi .. for the film of Vidhu Vinod Chopra and titled ‘DO’ so far ..
Sopaan, New Delhi Oct 14/15, 2014 Tue/Wed 1:37 am
To work to work .. to work and work again
Its the knowledge of the known and the unknown, still the same ..
Early morning early rise
Another locale off and far
The sun beats down upon the spa …..
I dine with her in lap right now above ..
She married here, she fed me too and gave all her love ..
I am but tired now, I sleep write in despair
They will adjust, that they who care
To turn in early is a ghost to flare ..
I will do this and will do that ..
Surrender to the question that -
During the day what were the thought,
That kept me on and on distraught …
This is the chair for launching keen,
I have been I have been I have been …
Good night and more
Sopaan, New Delhi Oct 13, 2014 Mon 9:46 pm
Sleep deprived but anxious about the work for the day, I venture out into the brisk October of this city where almost a lifetime was spent .. spent in the glory of the early recognition of what a metropolis looked and felt like after coming out of a then relatively smaller Allahabad. The days at Sherwood in Nainital and the coming home after long boarding school from the hills .. and then the conversion to University and the sudden independence from school mastered regularity and discipline ..
Following all this was the delightful days in College and the galaxy of new friends and becoming a part of their lives and living .. the finals in the Univ, those days of intense but scattered study .. and the results and the disappointment of failure and the chance to improve through a complimentary within few weeks and success .. the frustrations of job seeking and then finally the decision to shift to Calcutta, now Kolkata .. and the first job, the first pay, the first independent lodging and so many other luxuries of an executive in a managing agency, with that glowing salary of 400 odd rupees a month, with tax cuts and lodging coming down to just about 300 for the entire month !!
But that is a long and different story ..
Allahabad, then Delhi and Kolkata and now Mumbai .. that more or less has covered most of the country leaving aside the South, which became home after joining the Industry and the various films that we made there ..
Each city has given me something special. I cannot truly belong to one in that sense .. but yes Mumbai, now home for the maximum number of years is where we settled in ..
Yet .. whenever there is the opportunity and the chance visit to either, there is still that feel of the years spent .. its like time never moved .. the infrastructure did .. not us and our minds .. and that has been a fascinating observation .. for me at least .. as I am sure it must be for many in similar condition ..
Work is a fascination .. it changes its designs and colours and faces that represent it but the ‘ramp’ remains the same .. you still have to walk it, Fashion TV style ..
And as I work in the comfort of the Delhi sun and its green environ at the Haus Khas .. I discover how rare the simplicity of the rays that bring us light have become to many of us .. from air conditioned rooms to air conditioned cars to air conditioned studios to air conditioned eating places and events ..
Mr Sunrise remains hidden by dark curtains, and shaded windows of vehicles, the silences of the closed studio doors … the only heat coming our uncomfortable way - the 500 watt lights and more that glorify our painted faces to look heavenly on expanded curtains of white canvas ..
And as I prepare for my lines and the action with my co star Farhan Akhtar, words in the speaking of the characters spring up almost like they belonged to me ..
इशरते क़तरा है दरिया में फ़ना हो जाना
दर्द का हद से गुज़रना है दवा हो जाना ……।
Ishrat e katra hai dariya mei fana ho jana
dard ka hàd se guzarna hai dava ho jana …..
that drop of water that falls alone from the sky, desires that it mingle with the waters of the vast river and disappear …
pain when it reaches a level beyond limits, becomes its own medicine …
A drop of water from the impending rain falls between the two characters, and I comment on its existence, but as I dwell on it, it begins to pour ..
and so the next words in description ..
Pain when it exceeds its limit, becomes its own medicine ! And there could be no better example than me to know its practical meaning and effect. In the 1982 accident, and the following months of survival in the ICU, among struggling physicians surgeons and doctors of all kinds of complicated capital alphabets adjoining their names and titles, there came a time when the pain became unbearable. When pain becomes unbearable the body, Heavens be praised for this, shuts off a valve which it drops within our system … and thereafter no matter what incisions or construction work continues with the body through sharp and injectable instrumentation ..
YOU FEEL NOTHING !!
NUMB !! DEAD …
Thats the physical side. The philosophical approach is no better. Indeed ‘no better’ is indeed better - it is a wonderful lesson. When your pain shall reach a level where there is no scope for it to move any further, you SHALL actually feel the relief and and the liberation and the freedom that perhaps was causing the pain in the first place.
"This then is my ultimate pain, MR or MRS PAIN ..!! it is beyond anyone to give me any more, for I shall not be feeling it at all, try as hard as you may. So come … come and pierce me, drag me, compulsorycate me, stretch me, ostracise and crucify me … IT AIN’T WORKING BUDDY .. NOT ON ME IT ISN’T .. TRY ANOTHER .. TRY SOME OTHER PLACE .. I SHALL BE CONSTANT - IMMOVABLE, UNAPPROACHABLE, WITHOUT AN OUNCE OF BLEMISH ANY MORE … I BLEED … YES … BUT YOU SEE IT .."
"I DO NOT … !!! "
Gurudev Rabindra Nath Tagore said in his wisdom :
" The vulnerable let everything happen to them - beauty and terror - for no feeling is ever final .."
Sopaan, New Delhi Oct 12/13, 2014 Sun/Mon 3:58 am
Time distance situations people comments information discussions events celebrity locations past and present nostalgia learning appreciation love of well wishers old friends and new company of the most and the important …
A difficult proposition to encompass all in a day and some ..
But it has been done and its not over yet ..
The 11th brought in with just the family and when the hour passeth, the greetings and love of those around us, and the multitudes that bring such fervor and affection .. little gestures , cards and memorabilia, pictures and verses, writings and gifts of many a hue .. it is an endless sea of passion that rings throughout the day, with the people that have travelled long distances, covered many miles through difficult means .. but come they must and greet they must .. and just a shake of the hand, a gentle remembrance with the mobile, a smile, an affectionate hug and an embrace ..
That is all ..
You wonder what it is that one has done to receive such .. and words and thoughts fail .. there is just an immense warmth … a feel that is difficult to describe .. a smile that conveys .. a few words that come by .. and then …
I steal away for a while from this, to the lone … to the keys of the instrument that punctures chords of a certain depth .. it flows by itself .. there is no design .. the fingers move ever so delicately, but firmly to a mood that evokes a mere passion .. a passion that lilts into the ethos of the day …
So much said and spoken and written .. undeserving .. but there .. it cannot be stopped .. what does one do, but exist under its beautiful burden .. the weight of praise is dangerous .. it needs immediate digestion .. you could suffer its pain or believe in its reality .. suffering and pain is better .. reality shall not remain, least of all its belief .. takes many a moment to be able to justify this, but I do .. I believe yes, but I also know the reality .. and the reality is inconstancy .. each constancy shall fade away .. to another, for another .. or merely perish in its own stew – boiled and stirred beyond its limit – that is if has the deliberation of limit ..
That is the constant I know and believe .. that is what shall be real .. that is what shall be normal .. for me at least .. I dare not gauge or give it universality .. there are others exceedingly more competent and experienced .. it would be not prudent to venture into a reign that does not be governed by us .. let them that know the rule, be in battle and on the front .. I cannot be afraid of the consequences .. when asked or provoked, yes, we shall stand to bear and seek right, a right, any right .. but initiating one may be disastrous ..
I learn today that once determined to seek the goal, work towards the goal, not what shall prevent us from seeking that goal .. !! Wisdom comes from sharing our minds … minds that guide us each day .. at times to our peak .. at times into oblivion ..
It is the mind that shall be replaced some day .. we have discovered through the ages and through time, with extreme learning that we have an alternate mind, a tool that thinks and delves into our being via an instrument built by the minds of some greats that knew destination, future and the vision .. we have utilized ours not to its potential or its completeness .. we shall one day .. not in my time, but in time ..
The atmosphere is rarest at the top .. its is increasingly more pervasive, porous and greatly less filtered as heights increase ..
Our mind works at times the best in this rarity ..
I hope mine does today as I begin to descend from 37,000 ft around Agra coming in to Delhi having left Kolkata a couple of hours back .. a Kolkata that was reached earlier in the evening from Mumbai ..
The ISL has been inaugurated today at the Salt Lake Stadium in Kolkata .. the Indian Super League, football .. Abhishek has bought into the Chennai team .. Kolkata and Mumbai played the first game of this very interesting phase of sports in the country .. and may I just say with all due respect that the inaugural ceremony was miles better than the opening of the World Cup Finals at few months back ..
Its an early morning call in Delhi for Vidhu Vinod Chopra’s film being directed by Bejoy Nambiar .. that’s in just a few hours after we land in Delhi ..
We have traversed the ends of the country, yes, today .. but have we not traversed a little more than that ..
My love ..