The British Isles, London on the Saturday-Sunday of May 18th going on to 19th, by the time of 0:35 am GmT …
Until you see it and know that the means are reachable, you tend to procure it, not so much for its immediate need, but that it may not have been readily available earlier ..
Many a story of early and poor struggle haunts numerous individuals, after they have overcome it. They refer to it with some sense of achievement and pride. Many look back upon it with egoistic glee .. ’ I never had it but see how I defeated it through time and work, and now look where I am ..’ ..
Many would find that difficult to express. The insecurity of perhaps falling back to those times keeps them wary of gloating over it. I observe a sports woman declaring that on a programme on Tv and feel hesitant for her…
’ I was very poor and through my talent I am now in a position where I have made enough money that I never need to work ever again ..’
That is a strong expression, filled with the confidence of retaining her wealth, and have the confidence and belief to say it out. Many would never be able to say that. At most, what emanates, refers to the unknown forces and the divinity that marches along with it….
‘God has been kind, to me .. I am fine , thank you … !!
However there are those with ambition and drive and a sense of greater achievement, who never rest on their laurels or their ‘balances’ and desire to do more for more. They are determined people, people that know the potential and how that result that they imagine can and is reached. Their confidence in the nature of their need to excel even greater is remarkable. How do they muster such courage to be able to predict and optimistically state that a higher peak shall be conquered.
Then there are those that philosophically admit that life is but once in all, and that, which they cannot indulge in now, would have to suffer the wait of the next birth - a factor they shall never be able to ascertain even if they did re enter the human earth.
One reads many a smart wording on such belief often .. ‘live like there is no tomorrow ..’ they confess, and expect many to follow suit. How do they get the gall to believe such permanency in their thought ?
I envy such, for I do not have what they have, and I feel that they have right at times. But then I rethink on it and conclude … each of us has been given independent thought word and deed … that is what needs protection. That is what was given to me, in birth, in fate, in way of life, perhaps .. and I must respect that and be content … yes, content !
Many that suffer existence in this life, blame or believe that it is the result of mistakes or wrong doings of the past life, and that till these wrongs committed are corrected, life shall be giving birth to you in similar manner each rebirth. Perhaps as another lesser human or some element of nature. A plant, a tree, an animal, anything that would make your life precarious, because of the faults of a previous life !
These are interesting thoughts. In the absence of scientific proof or examination, they gather an almost impenetrable truth for those that are affected by it …
‘For the wrong that you do, the Almighty, God, Allah, Bhagwan, Eshwar shall seek a price from you .. so be prepared and be frightened of it …’
Faith in the unknown, is faith indeed … for there are many and so much in many that have no answers to the many ..
But I have an answer to at least one - your dedication and love !
The Isles again in Britain, on whose empire once the sun never set, here now for the 17th/18th of May 2013, at a time when we are reaching the two indicators on what is normally called a clock, to 12 :45 AM on gmt
There is a sadness that befalls as one has to leave a place which has begun to grow on you. Cannes certainly had that effect, and I doubt if there shall be another occasion for this to come to me in a repeat, but suffice to say that the hours spent have been most satisfactory.
The meetings with the people, the event of the film, the experience of being asked to open the Festival of the 66th Cannes, the joy and togetherness of all the cast, of informal outings with them … all have been a phenomenal learning experience.
There have been some complimentary reviews on the film and some words of recognition for the character I play. For this I am most grateful. I do feel that the limitations of an alien in the western cinema shall remain, and so the understanding or the moral of this short lived story is that … one must aim small and minuscule, be focussed and true to profession, and remain quietly settled in the background ..
My Father’s words of wisdom on this too, which I may have shared earlier ..
at an event seat yourself on the last row, for if ever they decide to move you, you shall only move forward ..!!
I have found warmth and comfort seated in the last row .. for that is where I belong. There is far too much enthusiasm and desire among those that follow me diligently and with sincerity, to break lose, to push forward selfishly, to meet important makers in this world of International cinema .. I shall … but it has to be restrained in its objective .. self respect, dignity, true value of effort must and has to be maintained.
It does not matter if more comes my way … less will do ..
It does matter though, if I was deserving of the next moment or not !!
Good night then dearest ones … my love
Hotel du Cap, Cap D’Antibes, France of May 16th and past into the 17th at the time of 3am .. late, but in the South of France its acceptable ..
I have no reason to be with the music and the words of my Father … but I remember him much, and in this wild world of celebrity and status, of pageantry and etiquette, of what I believe strained complementariness, of finesse and protocol, of conversation that seems not to have heart perhaps, the genuineness of the verse and the accompaniment of relevant notes, introverts you … that intrinsic feel that many of us experience, yet are hesitant to express, finds space … the space that understands them that remain diligent and connected to the earth … the ground that now terms itself as an obscure expression titled ‘Blog’ !!
I know there is understanding and connection with all … I feel the pounding of the beats as we embrace, touch and reach out to all that commit themselves, assist in forming that which, tested with time, has gone beyond ..
That beyond is my realm, built ‘day by day’ with my breath, my sweat, at times with my blood, and right now with the tears that flow down as symbols each of your affection and love …
I bathe within it, the salt of its presence playing with the edges of my lips, which twitch not in sorrow or sadness, but twinge gently, nervously, to shape the beginnings of a smile …
I am flushed with the love you give me … and find such inadequacy in its repayment ..
Hotel du Cap, Cap D’Antibes, France,
May 15/16, 2013 Wed/Thu 3 :10am
My dearest, and the ones I address as my dearest ..
At first my sincere apologies to have missed out the Ef that came by at Cannes to cheer and meet me. The protocol by the Festival is most strict. They do not permit of even design your day without consideration of the guided format, predetermined, so there is very little one can do to break that .. then, the weather played havoc. For the Ef to have remained steadfast on the stands despite it, getting wet and without food, must be the biggest sacrifice made … thank you so much … but allow me to say this, that through out the evening I could feel your presence even though I could not see you .. and that to me was most important.
The Festival authorities at Cannes have been extremely welcoming and kind to me. The respect and the dignity offered was exceptional. To have invited Leonardo di Caprio and me on stage to open the Festival, was the moment for me. Such an honor and a privilege for the celebration of 100 years of Indian Cinema to be given the importance it so richly deserves. Truly a historic moment for me, but immensely historic and honorable for the Indian Film Industry, a fraternity that I am and shall always be most proud of.
Most of what has transpired at Cannes has been put out on the net, and most of it has been viewed, so I shall not make the effort of putting it up. It is another matter though, that I do not have a single record or photograph of my own, to be posted here and at other mediums !!!
But tomorrow is another day and hopefully something shall appear .. Moses Sapir still making all possible efforts to get a lot many more pictures up ..
Good night dearest ones … my love for all …
Hotel du Cap, at the Cap D’Antibes in South of France, for May 16th which should have been for May 15th, at a time when it gets to be afternoon around 11:55am
This was meant to be the page for the evening last, but for some reason as I saved the draft all its contents disappeared, leaving just the DAY, which I might add was wrong .. it was written as 1846, when it should have been 1856. For some technical internet reason, the ‘blank’ blog went out and has caused some concern ..
May your attention to all the errors that I make be ever vigilant, and may my Ef ever be there to correct, reprimand, show disgust, annoyance and anger at my follies.
Each moment of my life must be filled with learning and discovering the correctness of being in this world, and how wonderful to have an army of dedicated Ef that do such a diligent job of working towards it ..
Thank you my dears … and my apologies once again at the missed opportunities at Cannes last evening ..
Forever in gratitude …
Hotel du Cap, Antibes, France May 14/15, 2013 Tue 1 :12am
Places and occasions simply take your remaining breath away, when in their company. I am breathless and living in a dream ..
May I just remain so without expressing anything at all ?
I wish to ..
Will you understand ?? Thank you …
Isles of Britain in London May be the 14th or the 15th of 2013 at a time which began before but ended later 12 :50 Am gmt
@SaharGazeran from Iran.. 14th May birthday ..wishing you all the love and blessings for the year and many many more years to come … love from us all ..
Amit Sangani goes in for surgery today 14th … all prayers for him ..speedy recovery, and successful medications .. in prayer ..
And may the future generations, build to remain fore fronting all that the elders may have. Keep ahead, keep before, keep not abreast but visibly greater and bigger …
For that is the wish of all that bring to the world continuity and perpetuity !
Cannes invites tomorrow and the quotient of palpability surges .. to touch to be felt and perhaps to bring for posterity, that small insignificant presence for the generation that follows …
There will and cannot be great accolades in an arena which is dominated and rightly so by an empire that will remain alien to a majority of us, in our part of the world. A tribute paid through a retrospective in Paris, a solo performance at the prestigious Theatre du Champs Ellysees, a landmark recognition in the sea front city of Deauville, the commentaried Oscar Award winning documentary March of the Penguins, the subsequent medal of honor by the French Government by decorating me with the Legion de Honor … “Ordre national de la Légion d’honneur”, created 1802 by Napoleon Bonaparte, as Commander in category … and on …
But there is scant knowledge of all among many .. a pity ! However, the progeny registers it and that is all that matters. And yes, along with them the very dedicated and devoted Ef ..
These citations however register what the others thought of calibre and deserved recognition. The onus of all that must rest with the person concerned. He or she must feel the justification … else its value shall remain with others, and that does not always translate into value !
We talk today of the classics and the worth of those responsible for creating it for the world to witness, yet when it was time to decorate them we never did. All creativity the world over, be it music, art, cinema, painting, architecture has unfortunately, faced similar societal divorce. It has become a norm, that has denied the one person who needed its lauded glory.
Media, that great instrument of record, has to some extent kept the flag of necessary documentation flying, but perhaps at half mast on most occasions. The point could perhaps be put to debate, but the fear is, that that too shall be monitored and stored through the medium of them, that conduct it, giving rise and position to bias. What transpires next is even more discomforting. Knowing the predetermined outcome of such practice, those connected disconnect. For them all that matters is the moment and the process that they went through, despite and in spite. And there is genuine joy and happiness that the interference from without, has been either out casted, or insulated from.
Those that had the gall and the accumen to put it down to posterity in writing or in book documentation, were honorable people. They left behind a gentle question mark. But those that did not, well, just did not. Hundreds and thousands of precious lives have been lost in futile wars and battles for supremacy, nationality and the protection of land. How many do we remember, how many to we decorate, and how can we know the stories of those who fought silently and sacrificed themselves on the alter of patriotism. A memorial shall be built, protocol and pageantry shall be diligently followed - the salute, the gun fire, the wreaths shall enlighten an important date in the history of a nation … and then …
To the freedom fighters a brass plaque in recognition of their ‘services’ shall be presented, perhaps without any feeling of respect. A stipend shall be announced for it, and never given. For that poor and desperate villager, inspired for the fight to protect his or her Motherland, all that he shall be proud of, shall be that piece of metal which he shall hang in prominence on the only wall of his dilapidated mud home ! He shall spend more time energy and funds to recover what has been promised to him through that monetary recognition. Many do not want the fund for their existence. They want it to register their contribution and its recognition to have been a part of the fight.
Those in charge of its deliverance, shall have other tales to narrate. They bring up the bogey of fraud. Of illegitimate and dishonest carriers of the freedom fighter badge. Of having done nothing, but posing as some who did, in order to gather the financials.
The world is made up of all kinds .. some ‘made up’ some ‘kind’ …
the Isles the Isles in constant Isles, London of May 12/13 of the yearly 2013’s with the timings of the dawn at 10 past the hour of 3 am at Greenwich Mean Time or that through which travels the zero longitudes
There are times in the days of our life when we wished we had what the other had. There are times in the days of our life when the other sits with more than what you have, and the realisation that you will never have what they have. There are times in the days of your life, when you wonder why they have and not you. There are times in the days of our life when, knowing what the other has can never be yours, that you begin to reconcile. There are times in the days of our life when you judge your presence in the presence of the other ; when you feel and realise the difference and if young enough not to be able to understand this social distance, do lament the fact of this ‘injustice’.
Youth and early years perhaps never drive our thoughts towards thinking of this ‘glaring discrepancy’ that is being meted out to us. We complain and question those that bring us into this world, as to why this has happened to us, why we are not on equal terms with our friend in the classroom, in college, at work and in our social circle. Many of us accept quite humbly that, that is how it has been fated. Many do not and revolt in their own way towards it. They either shun their company, at times cynically addressing them as that ‘superior lot’, or most often make them your closest, simply because you find great friendship qualities in them, or, and this is worthy of debate and perhaps too sensitive, you enjoy the accoutrements that shadow them.
But there are some that fail to succumb to all of the above and determine instantly the disparity, the want, the difference … and resolve to amend it. Amend it by immense power of will to never ever allow a situation of the others want and position. Of wanting to be not just like them, but to better their own standing, to be looked at the way, they had at a time looked at the other.
That is a resolve, a determined mission, a destination evaluated to be achieved. One that shall incentivate all energies in getting to it at all cost. And when achieving it to not merely dwell on it but to keep working at not just keeping it alive but enhancing it, each moment ; the insecurity of the past perpetually haunting our present !!
Those that have perhaps lived through generations of the ‘affluent’, may never allow such conditions to ever cross their settled minds. But those that have seen and experienced the inadequacies and wants of the past, shall.
An insecurity may drive one constantly, unrestful, wary and vulnerable in state. There is belief that the fear of insecurity could be enough to garner sufficient reason to continue in progress. There is also the mythic compulsions, if they can be called that, of what certain morals of life may have been instilled in us at early inductions.
The abhorrence towards greed. The worthiness of satisfaction. Of praising the Almighty for giving what He did, and not challenging it. Of acceptance, fulfilment, and the glory of having at least that which has been bestowed upon us.
Yet, there are some that refuse to rest on glittering laurels. Who take insecurity in stride, devour it, never permitting it to raise its uncertain Hydra Head, and with the belief and the strength of their confident ritualistic curricula, drive on in marauding fashion, destroying all recognised and practised documented skill, climbing and conquering the highest and the mighty, at times, yardsticks constructed by themselves, towards unreachable peaks of excellence, achievement and power of singular presence !
There are times in the days of our life, when we ponder and acknowledge this power. There are times in the days of our life when we ponder too on why we were unable to reach such achievement. Why some were made greatly more than us - prettier, better, accomplished, and with the means that we shall never have !!
And … when we cannot discover the righteous answers to all, we fall back on that one aspect of all our lives - the faith and the power of the ‘unknown force’, on the one that resides ‘above’ and watches and conducts us through the baton of his philharmonic, on ‘karma’ and the theosophy of it, on deeds of our life in the past life, the good or the bad, the evil or the sacrifice done …
What an easy way out of all that realistically rests within us all, in our hands and in our minds. We stop because we feel defeated. We do not pursue because we wrongfully accept our limit. We allow the other to overtake us, because we know that it has been ordained thus …
We shall fight the fight. Sweat the sweat. Attempt the attempts. And allow what we may have missed, to be dismissed.
Complexities shall and will exist, as must they should. There will be inequality and distinct distinction. The lesser shall always be in the awe inspiring, more. The bourgeoisie will ever find complexity in the elite and the class. That shall ever remain a constant, for some will ‘have’, and most ‘have not’ ..
But .. majority lies with the ‘have not’, and in all walks, majority rules. That then is the advantage. That then is the disadvantage of the ‘have’.
Pity not, nor ever make error of sympathy with the ‘nots’. That to me could be the most appalling and atrocious mis judgement.
A majority of life’s existence has been built brick by brick, by the ‘nots’. Look around you and see. Feel their presence about, for they have remarkable tales of how they ‘have’ now. If not by choice, at least by example follow them that did not tread the chosen path of lament, instead visit and ensure the proven path that they structured for the ultimate deed of survival and success …
There is however a matter of concern that must be addressed. The insecurity of inferior complex, gives rise invariably to the over indulgence of superiority.
Superiority complexes have the ugly habit of peeling off the tender skin of a festered inferiority.
May the effort and the labor of coming out on top ever be compelled to a brashness unbecoming of the acquired achievement. May they be Blessed that do and survive. It cannot form a recommended generalisation for many.
Those that achieve, take an earnest and pleasurable, honest look at their modest past. Some with humble pride, others with a certain disdain.
I would never be able to ‘look back in anger’. If all achievement were to be lost tomorrow, I would be happy and content with the lower middle class that I always have been. But then … this too is too presumptuous a thought - I need to believe first that I have achieved any, at all.
I share with you, all that comes to me when I talk to myself …
You have then occupied and inhabited me .. or so I strongly believe !!
Isles of B, London May 11/12, 2013 Sat/Sun 1 :10 AM gmt
adequately bow tied with Abhishek at formal celebration
… and adequately informally with Shweta …
The joy of being with my own … and 40 years of the film that started it all !
For today need I say more …honoured and blessed by the Ef that take immense pains to illustrate my pages and my life ..
Spending time with junior .. IPL, then Chelsea game … which was won fortunately … screaming and pumping in front of the Tv screen …Lampard making history by most number of goals … a record equalled first and then broken … crazy .. as if it could be seen or heard on the pitch !! Then another FA Cup final with the historic defeat of ManCity by Wigan, and winning the cup almost after 58 years apparently !! Goodness !!
And then he left … back to Mumbai … on a flight now …
Some friends call us out for dinner, and what an experience … walking in to the restaurant and getting greeted first by excited Egyptians, who express love and happiness and photographs to be taken … on the table, next an entire bunch of young girls from London of Indian origin … more screams and excitement and photographs .. soon after on the other side of the table, an excited couple from Saudi Arabia … more excitement and photographs … next to us then, another table, oriental in manner, and yes, more photographs … they from Indonesia … !! Dinner done and stepping out of restaurant … and … yes another whole group of young men and ladies from London and of Indian origin … even more photographs and exuberance and great respect …
Gosh !! Indian movies .. !!! Reaching out to so many and in such diverse regions … quite amazing !!
100 years of Indian Cinema … may it continue to be as attractive and popular in the next hundred !!
Setting up for Cannes now … with some trepidation .. I know not why, but yes … filled with wondered expectation … and a strong desire to run away from it all ..
If it were not for the presence of the promised Ef, perhaps I would have ..
Good night dearest ones … when you slumber in most parts, may you be pleasant in dream and wish ..
the isles of B, London may 10/11, 2013 fri/sat 1 :55 am gmt
I have company in the early morn … my son, my friend, my Abhishek !!
A joy as ever to sit and be in the company of men talk, quality time, issues of future, family, decisions and just about everything under the clouded and wet city. Followed by a drive out … the boys are out … to destinations that cover us with design and couture !! This generation is greatly more aware of this part of the world, than many of us can even imagine, and they are so correct and validated. There is surprise in the numbered recognitions from those about, and not all from the Motherland. In fact no one from there. Cinema is becoming truly, the next door neighbour of most communities the world over. I wonder often where this shall all lead to … positive yes, and filled with pride and honour … 100 years it has taken us for this stage .. 100 years, the existence of Indian movies … from Dada Saheb Phalke and Raja Harishchandra to what prevails now.
Raja Harishchandra from our mythical and deeper stories and belief, the King that for honor and dignity and truth, sacrificed his son too …
the reference, adage, expression of justification for honor - a Raja Harishchandra ! You be good and beyond personal honesty and honor and you are a Raja Harishchandra. Often in our conversations, when personality that impresses with the qualities of honor, they become ‘raja harishchandra’ … a substitute reference for the pure !!
Narrating this to Baz Luhrmann during our lunch at his home in New York, what he repeatedly asked was the name ‘Harishchandra’ … quick to accomodate the most important aspect of any information or conversation, does Baz … his cause and reason for being in the category of genius …
The freshed and changed Face Book face page has an image taken by renowned photographer Dabboo Ratnani, for his yearly calendar. It was time said the team to change the first page and brought up this visual ..and I wonder why and how it converted my thoughts to what followed after - a few lines of pretended verse … but verse according to me … it may not sound the conventional, but were I to read it to you, it is hoped that it would .. VOG ? Bubbly ? … pity it does not work from here in the Isles, and there is frantic work being conducted to repair that. But till then, I am delighted to get the meaning across to my best :
The picture has several electric bulbs hanging about and my face in close with the ‘shades’ - as todays young refer to it, as opposed to ‘dark glasses’ in our time. There is one bulb that can be seen diffused , but lit, and another more in focus, in front of me, unlit ..
Hence the thought :
एक जला हुआ दीपक, धुंधला सा, पीछे,
नेपथ्य में I
one illuminated light, diffused, at the rear, behind
एक साकार , अन जला आगे …
one present, unlit, before me in front ..
देखता उसे मैं, ढकी, काली, नज़रों से
I watch it with covered, black eyes
क्या बुझ चुका ये भी
has this bulb been unlit too
या प्रज्वलित आलंकृत होगा कभी ….
or will it light up in glory again ever ..
जीवन का अर्थ मिलता ,
One discovers the meaning of life in
शिथिल निशब्द चित्रों में I
unmoving, silent pictures ..
क्या ये नहीं संकेत मेरे जीवन का भी …
is this not an indicator of my life too …
~ अमिताभ बच्चन amitabh bachchan
The black and white picture is symbolic of times in our existence - they are either black or white.
The diffused out of focus light bulb, lit, in the rear, is the physically descriptive, portion of my life - a phase gone by - of illuminated glory, now still, barely visible in its light, but in position behind, in the rear, without prominence …
The bulb unlit before me, being watched by dark covered eyes, indicative of not wanting to face the once prominent brightness … of the desire to hide the eyes … the eyes that speak and give away expression and feeling … the ‘shades’ giving false looks of betterment, exalted, prettier … as do all when they cover their face with the glasses ..
Looking at the unlit bulb - unlit, because the time for its lighting has passed .. it shall never light up again .. nor bring back the aura of brightness, in my life … the glory and the dazzle that electricity brings is now in the ‘nepathya’, behind the curtain, at the back … never to come up the stage ever …
Is this then not the story of my life … this picture ??
My love to you … you, that remain with the hope that the bulb shall come alive and bring back the light that has passed and is over …