Amitabh Bachchan's Official Blog

Month

October 2009

36 posts

Day 557

Prateeksha, Mumbai                           October 30/31, 2009                       Fri/Sat  1:31 AM


When there is an honesty in revealing, it is disturbing to be struck down for being truthful.

If my honest description of religious routine for a particular day is not to be understood and criticized, then I shall remain with the routine and bid adieu to him that advises me against it.

That I visit a Muslim dargah and a Hindu temple has been viciously criticized by an unknown element on my mobile. He says it is incorrect of me to do so and that I should never do it again.

Well dear man, if you are reading this insignificant little blog of mine, here is what I have to say to you. I AM GOING TO DO IT AGAIN, AND SHALL CONTINUE TO DO IT. AND I WANT TO SEE HOW YOU ARE GOING TO STOP ME. IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE AND GUTS COME AND GET ME.

I do have his mobile number and I do have a name too. I believe that there is no law that can protect such atrocious uttering. We live in a temperate secular society where we learn to respect all religions. My belief is of my own making. If the temple or the mosque or a dargah has no objection to my visits ; if my Constitution and the laws of the country give me that freedom and if I do not offend them, then who is this man to stop me or correct me ?

It is elements like this that penetrate the psyche of vulnerable and innocent people and subject them to unnecessary and unjustified bias. I strongly object to it and abhor the existence of such elements in society. This gentleman even threatens me by getting personal. He says that my film ‘Aladin’ shall not have success because of this deed of mine.

Let me first tell you dear brother that if the film has merit, no force on earth will be able to stop its worth. If the film is weak and does not have merit, no force on earth shall be able to make it a success. No prayers, no reviews nothing will be able to save it.

Secondly, at the cost of every film of mine failing, I am not going to change my routine. If I wish to go to a temple I shall go there. If I wish to go to a mosque I shall go there as well and so also to a gurudwara or a church. And I want to see who is going to stop me from doing so !!

It has been a tiring day at Bigg Boss. The act of seeing someone being evicted is not a pleasant task to perform. It is painful and disturbing. But nothing could be more disturbing than this obscure mobile message that challenges our very basics of a free and liberal society such as ours.

I am also excited about showing my extended family the first promo of ‘PAA’. I believe the formal launch for it takes place by the 6th of November, but I shall see if the FmXt can have a peak before. So till I can get the mechanics of that in place, let me catch some much needed sleep, disturbed as I am with this obscene mobile sermon !

Love to all

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 31, 2009
Day 556

Prateeksha, Mumbai                           October 29/30, 2009                         Thu/Fri  2:07 AM


Yes it is late ! Yes I should not be writing at this time ! And yes I need to look after my health !

But the joy of connecting with my EF is beyond late hours and health conditions. I am late because we have just concluded a trial of ‘Aladin’ at YRF, for family and friends and elated by the response have not been able to contain myself in penning down a few lines before hitting the sack and sacking the hit in a few hours. Yes ! In 3 hours I shall be leaving for Lonavala and BB 3, and so a very sleep deprived pop philosopher shall be conducting affairs at the break of dawn.

Actually the morning was early too. Off at 5 am to Haji Ali dargah, to the Devi temple at the corner of Marine Drive, at a small dargah on Worli sea face and finally at Siddhivinayak. A day of fast too for the pooja later in the house – Satyanarayan Pooja, which in the absence of my Mother and Father I now conduct personally. It is not the same; it never is without them. But I do what ever has remained with me of the time they performed it for us and follow. My cousin sister from my Mother’s side, her elder sister’s daughter, has sent me a GuruNanak Dev ji pendant and I wear it around my neck and thank the portraits of all the Sikh Guru’s that bless the wall of my little temple in the house. An air of religiosity pervades every corner of our existence. Inexplainable acts and deeds that the entire universe is subjected to, we believe, do belong to some supreme power, an unknown force around us. We have titled it and revered it and worshipped it. Given it a place in our hearts and minds. Given it belief and the strength of our convictions. Many have given it form and voice. Many converse with it without getting any response; many say they do.

It is the strength of our belief and the power it exudes that keeps us servile in its midst. How wonderful that mankind found someone to be servile to. Most of the time our arrogance and ego do not subject us to servility even in the most extreme circumstances. But here it is the supreme power, one that beckons without calling, dictates without telling, listens without letting us know that it hears. When you look at the edicts that they prepared for us – the Ramayan, the Geeta, the Bible, the Quran, the Granth Saheb Ji, you wonder at these feats of godliness. How did they put down in writing thought and word all that these respected and revered religious books contain. It is the marvel of their existence, it is the marvel of their thought and belief that subjects us into awe and reverence. And so may it remain. The human would have been bereft of belief if it had not existed. Was this the way of the gods to instill belief in us ? Would we have been a different race if there was no belief in our existence ?

Interesting do you not think ? The matter of belief !!

My love and more,

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 30, 2009
Day 555

Prateeksha, Mumbai                       October 28, 2009                      Wed 10 : 23 PM

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” मिले सुर मेरा तुम्हारा , तो सुर बने हमारा ”

“Mile sur mera tumhara, toh sur bane hamara”

23 years ago Kailash Surendranath, son of that distinguished artist of our Industry, Surendranath during the 50′s and 60′s, conceptualised an idea of how to project the integrated nature of our diverse nation, by recording a moving and topical melody and bringing artists of great repute to sing along with it. The visuals were moving and binding – Lata Mangeshkar, Asha Bhonsle, Bhim Sen Joshi and many of the prominent classical singers from all over the country came together in a show of solidarity and togetherness. The film shot at various locations all over the country was an amazing tribute not just of the versatile talent that we possessed, but also became a wonderful emblem of oneness. Film stars too were incorporated. Jitendra, Mithun Chakravarty and myself had held hands in unison at the Mehboob Studios in Bandra as we lip synched the opening lines of the melody. Today after many years the idea and the importance of that integration is revived by the same people. The song and its words are the same, but the circumstances in our country have changed. Along with the economic development that has been taking place there has also been other unknown and unseen factors that have been trying to disrupt the very fabric of our society, the very fabric of our great nation.

Today I have lent my own voice to the words that came from another 23 years ago. Today I stand alone as I extol the virtues of togetherness, today I stand inside the very heart of the edifice that bore the cruel brunt of dastardly attack on our pride on our independence. Today I sing to the nation from the Taj Hotel at the Gate Way of India, built to welcome and commemorate the arrival of a sovereign on to our land, a land that he had occupied and ruled over for over 200 years – a Gate Way that ironically became the landing point of a group of terrorists, out to ravage and spread violence and shock into the heart of this great city of Mumbai.

The main Hotel area that had been substantially destroyed through fire and explosion is still not in operation as it undergoes repair and renovation, but the adjoining wing of the Hotel is, as is the Chambers, a select area for members and through which many of the terrorists surreptitiously made their way in. The area around the Hotel and inside now sanitized through security procedures is conscious of the systems needed to be deployed for any future probability, the staff, particularly the General Manager, who lost his entire family in the carnage is pleasant and friendly and I must say extremely brave to be pushing everything back to normalcy. But it is sad to see public facilities now almost defaced with equipment that promise security and precaution.

Against this backdrop and within the portals of a region that had been filled forcibly by evil design, I sing and contemplate -

Mile sur mera tumhara, toh sur bane hamara -

When the tone and notes of yours and mine shall mingle, then shall the tone become ours …

We may be a diverse nation, but when with resolve we stand together, speak together, sing together, hold hands and remain together, we shall overcome any and every obstacle that an intruder may wish to inflict upon us. So help me God !!

With love and compassion … and resolve

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Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 28, 2009
Day 554

Prateeksha, Mumbai                          October 27, 2009                        Tue 11:42 PM



Promotions of films has now become an art, an exercise in management, a test of patience and an ability to be able to answer the same questions in and out with the same intensity and conviction that you may have expressed in the previous interview.

They are all around you, about you. Waiting in anticipation for their turn to arrive, to be able to turn on their microphones and cameras, to put on that TV anchor demeanor and strike out. I have admired their relentless pursuit for that exclusive, their determined effort to get something out of their subjects which has not been covered by the other rivals, present merely inches away.

It is a world of its own and one that exists on the brief from their editors and bosses on what is required of them from where and in what manner. The speed with which they all operate is incredible. How they devise the look of the interview, what would need to be shown as a clip to enhance the program, the reference material of the past, the music and the editing of the material they have, the head lines that need to be created and then finally the presentation on the broadcast. It is a madness that would propel any ordinary human into one. But there is never ever a complaint, an objection to a delayed request and neither is there need to bring out competition at the street level. There is a deep understanding and respect for each other. A desire to share information and to see that it is disseminated in a manner that would be the requirement of their seniors.

So yes from 11 am to 8:30  pm non stop back to back without a break, just talking on the film ‘Aladin’ and catering to each media person with care and concern so he or she does not get left out or feel offended, the routine continues.

But that is not all. Once over I have driven to the cosy studio of Aadesh Srivastava to record my second song for the yesterday – the title song from ‘Paa’. That job has been accomplished and now as it draws on the morrow, I devote my time to the FmXt and the blog, which I might add, is the topic of heated discussion in each interview.  Every little detail is read and brought up for discussion. Every other day a mention of the contents of the blog finds its way to the papers. And every other day there is concern on what my contents shall be for the next day. I do not know whether I should take this as a compliment or an exercise in futility.

From the differing styles of my writing to each criticism leveled against various issues, the blog has become an unusual monster for them. Of course it is not. I would delight in the thought that they believe it is, but an instrument, that provides us in a free society the right to write.

Abhishek is in Kolkata for an iDea function and is creating near riotous moments in a city where his father lived and worked for 8 years before shifting office. His other Lux endorsement with Aishwarya has produced a rather lovely visual treat and they both seem happy with the end result.

Tomorrow its ‘Mile Sur ..’ at the Gateway of India. Its a plea for togetherness, for love and for remembrance. It is a care for the country. But symbolically it is a recall on 26/11 which draws near and the horror that followed thereafter. I shall be lending my voice to a few of the programs that have been scheduled around that horrible day. May peace and harmony prevail on us and our beautiful city and may we all have the strength to fight out any adversity that may befall upon us.

I do hope that you all have spread the word for the film and to give it the very best that it deserves.

I remain with you .. in love … and admiration

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 27, 2009
Day 553 (iii)

Prateeksha, Mumbai                       October 26/27, 2009                         Tue 12:37 AM


Some of the great pleasures of life is to bask in the glory of the sun. Most of us wish that we could bask in our own glory, but basking in the glory of the sun is apt and sufficient for me. The early morning sun they say is the sun which is most preferred, simply because the properties it exudes then are most beneficial. So benefit it did I hope, as I swung in abandon with abandoned clothing on netted hammock bridging two coconut palms, on the lawns of my temporary stay in Goa. A gentle breeze, the pendulum like movement, the chirping of the early morning birds and undisturbed solitude could pollute even the most rigid schedules and coax them for a change, but alas that was not to be. I had to restrict my little moment of relief and rush off to catch a flight to Mumbai and straight to the Sun n’ Sand Hotel for  some serious media talk to promote ‘Aladin’.

The media was gentle and receptive. There were many smiling faces and nods of approval. There was talk of my energy levels, of how good I looked ( I promptly asked this young lady the moment she mentioned it to dinner ), the alluring perfume that I was wearing and yes, the blog. For the 54th time I was asked if I had three wishes, what I would wish for from the Genie and for the 54th time I told them I was still searching for the right answer.

I thought my responses today were better than what I had regretted over with Barkha Dutt, she having thanked me through sms for the interview I did with her. A rarity. She and today Priyanka Sinha of Screen, who never fails to send a message of gratitude once the interview is done, though there was a moment when I felt I had gone off into another topic without knowing where it had all started from. I did not have the nerve to ask her what the question was in the first place.

Arnab Goswami from Times Now wanted me on his News Hour to talk about the ‘trumped up charges’ against me on the recent ‘fraud’. But I refrained from it. I am not a politician and do not have the time, the energy or the intention of taking on these battles. If I am at fault prove it to me first at any preferred legal medium and if they then feel I need to be punished, please go ahead and punish me. But a media debate is not going to help me, the issue, the institution that accuses me, nor the legal system that would if necessary, hold and confirm any charges against me. All it would do is to fill up that half hour episode on particular channel and then be forgotten. I did not see any necessity in doing this as a favor to the channel and so regretted my participation. Arnab though is one who’s news anchoring I have admired in the past and who has been one that has always shown great respect.

The interviews went on for a while. Everything under the sun was asked addressed and assimilated, except any devoted questioning on the film. The usual ones prevailed, but nothing of depth or meaning. Fair enough. May be I was expecting too much.

That over, it was straight without a break to Aadesh Srivastava’s recording studio to sing a couple of songs. A verse for the ‘Mile Sur Mera Tumhara’ campaign initiated by Kailash Surendranath who had many years ago done something similar and a song for ‘Paa’. Abhishek and Aishwarya joined in later and we listened to some hitherto unknown compositions by Aadesh. Most impressive. Lot of stuff that he is doing with Acorn ( is that how it is spelt ? I have no knowledge of these artists ), that renowned rap star, and some very inspirational stuff for 26/11, as the anniversary nears.

Now at home and putting up a huge number of promos for ‘Aladin’ with the hope that you will spread the word around and go in large numbers to see this film.

Tomorrow is another full day with the media and I am pretty certain they must be fed up of me and my ‘rantings’ a word used by good ol’ Abhijit Mazumdar of MidDay misfame, on his description of our blog. I have been drawn attention to said gentleman’s ‘twitter’ twits as under -

Check out this lowlife on twitter…. anoop sent this to me….. apparently you’re very despo for publicity…..lol….

Hahahha Anoop….is this guy abhijit serious…what a  w…..!!!….yeah….we all know AB is so despo for publicity….and the only person that can give to him is W….. abhijit….lol.. gosh this guy needs psychiatric help desperately…..i’ll forward this to AB…..

Fats



Abhijit Majumdar.. that honest journalist on his tweeter..

@moifightclub Don’t want to whip his horse. I’ve responded. He has all the time, is despo for publicity. Doesn’t deserve any more attention

Amitabh “despo” for publicity……………………..Ho Ho Ho Ho…

Well Abhijit Majumdar the twit does not quite describe your state of mind. Fact is you were shut up so resoundingly that you needed to hide behind twitter drumming up sympathy. I had expected a clean healthy scrap, but you chickened. Which isn’t surprising. It requires a lot more than just a twit to stand up to facts !

And hey coming back to ‘le fraud’, its lovely to see India Today justifying all that I had mentioned earlier on in my blog. Take a look -

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With the strength of conviction and fearless poise … inspired and supported by the FmXt ..

I shall remain … as ever ..

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 27, 2009
Day 553 (ii)

Romantic Promo

Romantic Promo 2:15

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Romantic Promo 1:30

Dialogue Promo – Action

******************

Comedy 30 sec

Comedy 15 sec

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Character – Ring Master

Character – Jasmine

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Character – Genius

Character Promo – 30 sec

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Character promo 14 sec

Action promo – 15 sec


With love  … and success to Aladin

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 26, 2009
Day 553 (i)

Goa              October 26, 2009              Mon 12:10 PM



I had asked a few pertinent questions on this entire facade of the Rs 500 crore fraud case. Here is justification on how the entire plot was hatched and devised. I have read some of the comments that have come about from the FmXt with regard to this and their constant plea of me desisting from giving verification since it does not suit my dignity.

You know, I am quite tired and fed up of hearing again and again about my dignity and how it is not worth clearing my name. Barkha Dutt asked me the same repeatedly as does most of the media. And you know what… it suits them if I maintain a ‘dignified silence’. Because then they get the benefit of the story. If I give a clarification which destroys the accusation, it inadvertently destroys their story as well. Media likes to be looked upon as one that champions causes, exposes corruption, questions integrity. When I clear my name from an accusation, their story loses value and thereby credibility. Credibility for media is the oxygen we breathe. When someone takes away their oxygen, they perish and die. Which is why the likes of Amitabh Bachchan, that destroys, on occasion, their credibility, will always be disliked and targeted.

The media dislikes the blog not because I write on it without their consent. The media dislikes the blog because we have created a family of devoted members in the shape of our FmXt, which believes me and not them.

My prayer therefore to all our extended family. Let us continue to grow so exponentially that we become a force to reckon with. A force that shall challenge those that challenge us. A force that shall question those that question us. A force that shall stand up and defend our right to express. A force that shall not be weak and vulnerable. A force that shall not bend before injustice and wrongful blame. A force that shall have its own voice.

A VOICE THAT SHALL BE HEARD AND FEARED … !!!

So help me God

Amitabh Bachchan

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Oct 26, 2009
Day 553

Goa                 October 26, 2009             Mon 12:00 noon

Ladies and gentleman of the extended family, remember we wrote and talked about surrogate mothers and birth. Look what the print media came out with a few days after we wrote about it. Telepathy, coincidence or is the media following us.. hah ha ha.. Enjoy

Amitabh Bachchan

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Oct 26, 2009
Day 552 (ii)

Goa                               October 25, 2009                     Sun 9:25 PM

We deceive ourselves when we fancy that only weakness needs support.

Strength needs it far more.’

‘A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.’

‘If the loser keeps his smile, the winner will lose the thrill of victory.’

‘Never look down on anybody unless you are helping him up.’

‘Whenever you win in life, win as if you are used to it … And whenever you lose in life, lose as if you have enjoyed losing for a change.’

‘At first dreams seem impossible, then improbable, then inevitable.’

My love as always

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 25, 2009
Day 552 (i)

Goa                                   October 25, 2009                            Sun 7 : 39 PM


As an International Patron for Silver Star, the organization that runs diabetic assessment facilities in the UK, through the efforts of its founder the Rt Hon Keith Vaz, Member of Parliament, in the British Parliament, I am now in Goa at his invitation to inaugurate the first mobile diabetic unit to be set up in India.

I had opened the first one in UK in his constituency in Leicester and he has now, as one that has his roots from India and Goa, opened one here and here I am for it.

Goa has the ability to put you in a holiday mood the moment you land, and this hundredth trip to this beautiful place was no different. The pains have abated, the spirits have been high and there is a spring in the walk. There is something in the soil here, in the air, that provokes one to just shed all inhibitions and a sedate calmness descends upon one. I am one such victim now. And thoroughly immersed in it.

Goa has been such an important link in my life and career. My first film ‘Saat Hindustani’ shot here. A film on the freedom struggle for the liberation of this Portuguese Colony, perhaps one of the last foreign colonies to be made free from colonization after Great Britain and France. The French occupying Pondicherry in Southern India, now changed to Puducherry. Those anxieties of the first film, the harsh struggles as we battled our way through the dense forests of this monsoon afflicted terrain way back in 1969. The community living existence in Government Circuit Houses, the night kerosene lanterns for light, the damp floors as our beds and miles and miles of foot trudges late into the night. Sticking on a false beard for a week and not allowing a single hair to be displaced, because the make up man was only available due to costs for just a single day. The friends that we made during those days spent in Panjim the capital of Goa and those that worked along with us.

Then film after film being shot here and the gradual scale up in our status. From damp circuit houses to the very best hotels and resorts. The joys of the exquisite beaches and the informal afternoons spent just hanging around some of the most delicious food outlets. The tragic accident of Amjad Khan as we came here to shoot for Great Gambler and all the tension and decision making for his care as he lay unconscious in the only General Hospital in the city – he having crashed his car as he was driving down from Mumbai for the shoot.

The evening boat rides into the inner tributaries of the various streams that flowed quietly in the interiors of this state, with a young musician who sang and played guitar and flute to some of the more popular folk songs of the Konkan region. That young singer maturing on to becoming one of our very first pop stars, Remo.

The scare in the middle of the night, when an intruder entered Zeenat Aman’s suite at night and she running out screaming for help from all the men housed down the corridor, including me, in the Fort Aguada Hotel. Shweta and Abhishek in their early years and the fun with them in the sea and the pool. The several private visits to the place with common friends to celebrate birthdays and important events.

The shooting of that last stadium scene in ‘Main Azaad Hoon’, when over 50,000 participated involuntarily for the song in the climax. Keeping them entertained by doing a concert one minute and then switching clothes and shooting scenes on stage, the other. The village of ‘Agnipath’ constructed live in an area above the beautiful Citade Goa.

Endless, endless memories of this wonderful place from ‘Bombay to Goa’ to ‘Bhootnath’, and to see how rapidly the progress has taken place and now reaching proportions where it feels crowded and congested. Beautiful and efficient highways now run through the length and breath of this state, yet there are those quaint little villages and narrow streets that still fascinate, millions of visitors here. While shooting for the ‘Great Gambler’ in Portugal, I discovered how uncannily Lisbon resembled Goa, or really Goa resembled Lisbon. The city spread across gentle hills, the rivers running through, the ferry services over them, the rust colored iron ore earth that this region is famous for, all similar to the region from whence came the colonizers. So strange.

As I close, the strains of a Goan band on guitar and trumpet filters through the peace and quiet of the resort I am housed in. I shall attend to the services of great hospitality and grand cuisine waiting for me, before languishing in the relief that I have achieved in this visit from my nagging pain.

I live with the images that last night’s trial of ‘Aladin’ have impressed upon me. I am proud to have been a part of this venture, that has certainly created a finesse and grandeur in fantasy film making much much more than what I had expected from it. It is smooth and vibrant and not in your face yet effective enough to know that it is. The characters , the settings, the music and the situations all have been blended in a most ingenious manner. For the first time in my entire career of film trial history, the audience that habitually consists of trade people, applauded after a song sequence came to an end. We in the business have become accustomed to watching films with the patent ingredients that help us assess the potential of a film. It was and is difficult for me to state whether I found those ingredients last night in ‘Aladin’ and therefore a prediction is difficult to come by. But then some of the last few releases had drummed up sufficient passion in their patent ingredients, but did not come up winners. The unpredictability of this business is the only predictability.

May all that shall venture out from the 30th of October ONWARDS to see ‘Aladin’ come back with similar thought. May you notice and appreciate the subtle grandeur of this effort and ‘may all the wishes that you go in with all come true’… so sayeth Genius the Genie !!

SATYA KALPA DROOM !!!

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Amitabh Bachchan  

Oct 25, 2009
Day 552

Goa                   Goa    GOA  goa

October 25, 2009                        Sun 7 : 35 PM

Feather paintings…be sure to read the message at the bottom.













God’s Wings -

A little something to put things in perspective…

After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park , forest rangers
began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno’s damage.

One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched
statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree. Somewhat
sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick.
When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under
their dead mother’s wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of
impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the
tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing

that the toxic smoke would rise.

She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her
babies. Then the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her
small body, the mother had remained steadfast ..because she had
been willing to die, so those under the cover of her wings would live.

‘He will cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you will find refuge.’
(Psalm 91:4)

Being loved this much should make a difference in your life.
Remember the One who loves you, and then be different because of it.

My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to
bless and I picked you. Please pass this on to people you want to
be blessed.

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will
treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend…lose one.

Oct 25, 2009
Day 551

Prateeksha, Mumbai                           October 24/25, 2009                         Sat/Sun 2 : 15 AM

I think I may have inadvertently set off certain alarm bells about the health and for this I need to say just this, that my condition under the advise and scrutiny of  a few experts, is not alarming. There obviously are some problems but not of a very serious nature. Rest and some basic precautions on the matter should rid me of the trouble and therefore may I ask all FmXt to be in comfort and no distress. I do of course appreciate your concern and your desire for me to look after myself and that I promise that I shall do. But do please set yourselves at rest and be calm.

As promised I went under the ‘tube’ of extreme magnetic quality and extreme noise by the early hours of the day and then called in some experts to take a look. They did not find anything too alarming. My posture is bad they say. An entire history of surgeries has left my body and its construct a bit different in its demeanor, which is why such strange pains occur.

What I did find alarming was a vivid description by the expert that came over, of an aspect of the media, which was rather shocking. He said a prominent paper approached him with a proposal where they would write a dedicated portion of the doctor’s qualities as a professional, almost in the shape of an advertisement but would not charge him for it. All they wanted for this service was 10% of his professional earnings. The modus operand being, that since they were writing glorious information about him as a doctor, he would get greater clientele, which would translate to greater money and for this they were demanding he part with some of it to the paper !!

The times they change in queer fashion !!

The gracious Barkha Dutt from NDTV was next on the list for an electronic interview. I have been an admirer of hers since long and keep telling her so. I was unhappy with myself  and the way I spoke and gave my answers. The obvious pain and lack of sleep had slackened my brain and perhaps this is what was being looked upon as the cause. I was unhappy with myself for this. I felt my answers could have been better, and my explanations a little more elaborate. I wonder what she thought; but this is what I thought.

80% of her conversation was related to or strongly concentrated upon, questioning the existence of our blog and why I felt this strong aversion towards the media. In a sense she actually answered the question on her own, without any persuasive effort. Because the media always asks and is never asked it has developed a strong barrier to any kind of resistance. Jut because no one asks them questions or subjects them to the kind of scrutiny, normally associated with  mortals like us, they always live in exalted isolation, protected perpetually from any kind of intrusion on a territory that they claim belongs to them and them alone.

My questioning on the blog towards them is but a small drop in a vast media ocean, yet look how desperate they become when they are put in the dock. And then they never fail to ask us why we have any dislike for the likes of them and why is it that we question and write against them. Their intention of questioning us is not to genuinely ascertain what we felt on a particular issue. They look upon it as how that particular response would help them as an interviewer, whether they came out looking better than us, and in most cases whether their channel or paper would benefit commercially from it. So much for them, and so much for their strengths of fairness and equality.

Meanwhile back home that most obnoxiously constructed case of this fraud of Rs 5oo crores has reached another proportion. Without warning and with an intent to save face, the administration on receiving its complaint back from Kolkata Courts of Law stating there was no illegality in the matter, moved Court in Allahabd without informing us, or without seeking our desire for representation. This afternoon the matter was dismissed by the Honorable High Court in Allahabad also in our favor, apparently stating that there was no basis to this case !!

I have much to say on this. But now my pain intensifies. I have to travel tomorrow to contribute in and open a diabetic center in another city. I must rest.

More later … with love

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 25, 2009
Day 550

Prateeksha, Mumbai                        October 23/24, 2009                        Fri/Sat 1:09 AM

The spasm returns to the right shoulder blade and it is excruciating ! Pain has the ability to destroy the mind and the being. You may be exalted in position, overjoyed at success, happy at company, but were you to be in pain it would rob you you of all accomplishments.

If the body cannot respond to the joys of nature and mind, it is best not to have a body at all. I feel a bit despondent and tempted towards the latter. When all else around you buzzes with activity and achievement, when the mind is ready to soar involuntarily, when it lovingly coaxes you into acts of creative ingenious levels and you discover that there is no ‘body’ to acknowledge it, then it is that you want to disassociate yourself with all else and succumb to the misery that has been implanted upon you.

Artists lives are full of such painful episodes. You could be in the poorest of health but in the eyes of an admiring mass you would need to put on that brave and positive face. A face that defies defeat and dishonor, pain and misery, distress and discomfort. Ever tried to smile continuously in grievous pain, ever never failed to wave back at an ecstatic fan irrespective of the state of the mind ? We are a tribe that get subjected to such odds in our lives. We are a tribe that shall be pulled up and over for an act that does not suit the convenience of the other. We are a tribe that are expected to be more than a hundred percent in more than one occasion, despite handicaps. We are a tribe that when you resist or complain, status, position and wealth shall be thrown about you. Oh.. you are a public figure, a person of immense patronage from the masses, this is what comes in your territory and you had better not complain about it.

But just because we are in public domain are we devoid of emotion and feeling ? Will every act of ours be leveled in such manner ? When are we supposed to be treated like other normal humans ? Or do we not deserve to be ? Who then will ascertain what we ought to be ? Why should an ‘other’ ascertain what we need to be ? And if for arguments sake we consider this to be applicable, who’s judgement shall we adopt ? Yours or yours or yours ? There are so many of you !!!

I have many thoughts on this, but now my hand prevents me from any further activity. I must lie down and rest and get to a doctor for treatment …

My love for you is unabated … though somewhat marred with my condition at present …

No .. I do not expect sympathy or anxiety over what I am .. that would pain me more. Resist and desist then, till I am in your midst again ..

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 24, 2009
Day 549

Prateeksha, Mumbai                       October 22, 2009                      Thu 9:50 PM


Its raining endorsement activities. Day before, Agra and Max New York Life and today Binani Cement. Very interesting conceptually on how Indians that have gone out of the country have made a name for themselves and now how its products from motor vehicles to well, cement, are invading the overseas markets. Lots of kids on the promo and they are such a delight to work with.

The producers of ‘Rann’ dropped by to discuss the promotion of the film and some extremely novel ideas were discussed, some of them involving participation on the TV in a rather unique manner. A manner which could have long term considerations. The meeting involved the presence of Siddharth Basu, of TV production fame and most importantly of KBC fame. Always a joy to catch up with old friends and learn from them what transpires in the world. And what transpires in the world seems to be transpiring in the right direction. Maybe in time to come there can be greater discussion on this.

Abhishek having finished with ‘Ravana’, much to the consternation of certain deliberately biased and sold over media that has been dutifully panning the film and its delays in order to destroy its presence and importance, on his drive back, swung by Kamalistan Studios where I was leaving large footprints in tons of cement, to have lunch and to discuss various developments in both the area of brand endorsements and film. Aishwarya finishes on ‘Ravana’ tomorrow and thats a wrap for her on the film. More consternation for sold over biased media !!

It has been a distressing past few months with regard to the kind of talk that I hear emanating from various quarters. Talk of money being spent to sabotage rival films, money being spent to buy reviews, money being spent to bolster failed enterprises, money being spent on negative write ups for the other. As a member of a fraternity that has existed and flourished in a temperament of brotherhood and integration, an industry that I have with great pride professed is the only known institution which truly represents a secular nationally integrated unit, I am appalled at the alleged goings on. Heads of media in print have confessed quite unabashedly how they had received large funds to ‘kill’ a rival project, through untruthful and deliberate debasing articles, to snatch away any importance that the merits of the film in question would garner.

And I am amazed at our own FmXt, Satyam at * 44′s response, talking liberally on this very topic and with perhaps greater perception than I would have knowledge of. What do they gain who indulge in this most unsporting and callous behavior. Will they have sufficient funds to buy out the mass that patronizes in millions the love they have for their devoted stars ? Will they have the airborne capacity to intercept that ball which has been hit outside the park ? No they will not and cannot ever. Nothing ever stops a good product and nothing ever propels one that is bad. Why then must those who envelope themselves in unfair and utterly repulsive acts waste so much of their energy and time in thinking and planning the demise of others ?

The Economic times does a half page article on the diminishing Bachchan Brand. I am never one to question whether I gain or diminish, simply because I have never accepted that I have ever gained in the first place. Why then such a dedicated article on my extinction ? Especially since a few other print media have a different view altogether. I am not interested in where the ratings lie or who occupies which position. At 68 its a miracle that I get any work at all. I couldn’t care less whether that work is rated in positions or not. But what of the reader. How does he ever get to decipher the truth when two conflicting reports hit the marquee simultaneously. Take a look -

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Now … what does a normal reader make of this ! Economic Times says its over for me. The above two publications rate me among the top three in places and in some the top most and most influential. I am not enamored by what the ratings assess, I am enamored by the ruthless and biased inefficiency of the reportage. When incidents like this happen it sends an unpleasant feel to the intention of what one did and the other did not. Especially since such focussed attention is given to one individual. Why would you want to concentrate on one single being and his defeat Mr Economic Times and what is the great need to bring it to prominence. How many 68 year olds do you find in the list that you bandy about in your assessment ? How have you not bothered to mention the fresh brand ambassadors that have been added to the list ? How do you skip the fact that all the ones that a certain Mr AB endorses have all gone into extension of their associations. I do not mention all this out of immodesty, but out of concern for incorrect and confusing tabulation.

Take the recent bold and prominent head lining of the accusation of a Rs 500 crore fraud against me. The FIR, or the First Information Report at a police station, in some remote area of Kanpur, firstly does not even mention my name. I have still to receive any notice from the police to appear or explain or present myself for an enquiry. But that apart, may I just put forward a few very informal, yet pertinent questions -

* has any one in the media got a copy of the FIR and read it ?

* have the media seen my name mentioned in the report ?

* for a supposed fraud of this huge proportion why choose a small almost unknown police station, Babupura in far off Kanpur to register this case ?

* is it a fact that no police officer was willing to register the case because it did not find anything wrong with the premise ?

* is it a fact that the SHO, or Station House Officer, the inspector at the police station that refused to register the complaint had been transferred an hour before the ‘new’ inspector was brought on and that this was the first complaint that he registered  ? Why would an administration execute this transfer, if not to deliberately assist in registering the matter ?

* is it a fact that the address given by the complainant Mr Tripathi, was not his but that of a sitting Judge of the High Court of the same name ? Why ?

* is it a fact that police protection in the shape of police personnel were at the time of the registration of the FIR immediately provided to Mr Tripathi ? Did not the police protection land up at the Judge’s residence causing him great surprise ? Why would the administration want to provide immediate police protection on the submission of an FIR ?

* is it a fact that on studying the papers, the administration discovered much to its dismay that all proper legal procedures had indeed been followed by the person against whom the FIR was launched ? That clearances from the Income Tax Department, The Company Law Board and the Honorable High Court of Kolkata had been obtained ? And that finding itself in an extremely embarrassing position, washed its hands off the case and sent it to the Police Department of Kolkata for further action stating that the matter did not have jurisdiction in the State of UP ?

* was the administration Corporate illiterate to not have observed these facts before ?

* is it a fact that the Kolkata Police has returned the case back to UP stating that it does not find any illegality in the matter ?

* is it a fact that the administration in UP is now setting up an enquiry to ascertain how this error was committed ?

* are those that make wrongful allegations aware of the Supreme Court judgement that rules that the monies collected by business enterprises to run and execute their business, when received by cheque cannot be questioned as was the case here ? If you need to question anyone it should be the person who gave the cheque, was that complied with ?

* when none of the share holders of the said Company are against the merger, how has the administration accepted a police complaint, an anomaly in itself, from an unconnected individual ? Matters like this are as per procedure referred to the Company Law Board.

* was the administration aware that the Corporate merger being questioned has the approval of the Government of India’s Corporate Affairs Ministry and that the merger had been executed by the complete consent of the shareholders and Directors of the Company ? Are they aware that a Company is a different entity like a Trust and in legality its activities are beyond the domain of a rural Police Inspector of Babupurwa, Kanpur reportedly posted the same evening, his first assignment being to lodge this FIR, causing a slur to the respected name of the allegedly involved ?

Just so many unanswered questions. Just so many deliberations to deliberately malign and damage an image or name. Time and again this process raises its ugly head every couple of months and innocent names get painted in all the wrong colors. For two years, Bofors accusations kept being labelled against my family and me. When we moved Court in London, not a single person that had been screaming from the roof tops came to justify their accusations. Dagens Neiheter the Swedish news paper apologized and settled out of court saying they had no evidence, the Swiss Government gave us a clean chit after investigating all the paper work submitted in the matter, and India Abroad the tabloid that carried the accusation lost in the London Courts of Law for defamation and had to pay compensation.

Look at the intense scurrilous accusations on the Barabanki Land matter. It finally came to an end after winning at the High Court and the Supreme Court of India on a final judgement.

Now wanting to build a school there for girls is being held up for permissions, or at times ridiculous legalities like a payment of having two trees on the property has not been complied, is leveled. No one is interested in the larger picture, that girls from that remote village have to travel several kilometers on foot to attend a primary school for their education and that if a school is built in close proximity, the girls shall be saved this ordeal which is not only exhausting but can turn out to be unsafe for them.

We started off from differing assessments by different media on brand value and look where we ended up. Take the brand value Mr/Mrs Media and boil it in your own convenient stew and eat it for breakfast lunch and dinner. You hunger for it, not I. You hunger for Bofors and Barabanki, not I; for alleged fraud and misappropriations and Income Tax and dunno’ what, every other day. Feed yourself well and do pursue your quest for your hunger. Its time for me to sleep !!

Good night !!

And my love,

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 22, 2009
Day 548

Prateeksha, Mumbai                          October 21/22, 2009                        Wed/Thu  1:31 AM

Dearest FmXt,

Back to the confines of home and hearth, safe, a hint of fatigue and hugely impressed and pleased by the birthday gift from Shweta. Its a simple little contraption that helps you put your lap top in a position where your neck and shoulders do not have to strain by looking down upon the key board. I am in the use of it now and let me tell you it is marvelous.

So, last night and its interesting discussions ended not too late and gave me an opportunity to pen a few thoughts around it. Some of my thoughts ended up with some consternation and perhaps rightly so. I must however admit that they were not expressed to hurt sentiment or to take a moralistic stance. Every act in life has a react. That is why life is such a joy. Nothing is permanent and every opinion has several tributaries. There is most certainly no offense in surrogacy and neither is one challenging the desire of those that have been through it after facing mental and physical pressures of not being in a position to achieve pregnancy through normal means. We respect those sentiments. It is a woman’s great desire to mother a child, there is a natural affinity to it. And when it is denied to them through natural processes of nature, they have the right to seek another route. I was merely wondering about the probability of its misuse and no more. I do not wish to propagate against it and neither do I have great moral forebearing on it. Many of my dear and very close friends have availed of the opportunity and are most happy and content with the results and so am I.

The flight in the morning was kind courtesy the private jet that remained overnight with us to transport us to New Delhi. There were some among us that were setting off for Delhi by car – a 4 hour drive. I offered to carry them with me and have them save time and road journey fatigue – there were some extra seats available on the jet. From the airport it was straight into press meets and conferences and one on ones with the electronic. And this went on non stop from one to the other till 3 in the afternoon, having started promptly by 11 am. The individual press and print were incisive and exhaustive, the conference was sparse. Not too many journalists turned up and neither did the electronic trip over each other to get an entry into the PVR theatre inside this large and massive Gurgaon Mall, where we had all gathered. Such occurrences generally depict disinterest in the film or disinterest in the cast by the media. I guess they must have been dissatisfied by both. Despite that I thought the media was extremely kind and generous in their behavior. They were unusually polite and sympathetic to our cause – that of promoting the film Aladin – and almost all of them ended up wanting to get photographed with us. Which was nice !

Getting out of the Mall was a bit riotous, but never unruly or out of control. There are still some in the world of well wishers that show affection and love and I am most grateful that they exist even at this advanced age of mine.

A quick visit to the daughter and my friend then took me to the airport and back to Mumbai.

The past few days have headlined in screaming fashion a police enquiry into a purported fraud committed by my friend Mr Amar Singh and me. I would have under normal circumstances ignored this false and absolutely ridiculous allegation, but in today’s world it does not pay to be a silent observer. I have therefore conducted my own little enquiry and research and have some revelations to make that would startle and shock a few. But some time would be required. I need to scan some documents and put them up to defend my case, not that it ever needed defense, but perhaps to make many of you aware how a system operates, how the gullible are entrapped, what machinations are set into motion to bring damaging and atrocious misinformed sinister allegations against those, the mention of whom, would bring their matter to resemble a national catastrophe. But of this, perhaps tomorrow.

Jaya has travelled to Dhaka, Bangladesh to shoot for a film, Abhishek has wrapped on ‘Ravana’, the film is over, much against the continued tirade by a section of the press that the film is delayed due to endless re shoots and issues between artists on set, which the Khaleej Times patronized by out of job ‘khalidas’  sitting in way out Dubai, seem to invent. 180 days to complete a film in two versions, Tamil and Hindi is no mean accomplishment. Thats 90 days per film. Not at all unreasonable. Abhishek will be back tomorrow. And I shall persist with TV and BB3, which I believe has now reached a stage of uncontrolled tempers !!

May I also put to rest some of the anxiety expressed by FmXt on my health by informing them that all is well and in relative control. The virus has disappeared, submerged I guess in mountains of anti biotics. The shoulder and neck stresses remain, but in some moderation and there have been a spate of messages from strangers that are liking what they see of ‘Aladin’. Yippee !!

Yippee also to BB3 and the channel Colors. Ratings have reached record breaking levels and the numbers for the channel have shot up to bring a gap of almost 80 points between them and the number two. They of course retaining their number one position.

Good night and god bless and love and more …

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 22, 2009
Day 547

Jaypee Palace Hotel, Agra                               October 20, 2009                          Tue 10:16 PM


A 7am private jet to Agra for the launch of Max Vijay a scheme initiated by MaxNewYorkLife that has a unique insurance policy, where policies do not expire, where you are not bound by committed premiums, where there is no definition of the amount that needs to be put in every month or year and where you can start a scheme with as minimum as Rs 1000/- and keep adding to it whenever you wish to put something in, and get a secured amount five times the value of what you put in in the unfortunate event of a mishap.

Agra, the land of the Taj Mahal, the land of so much history. Agra the hub of great craftmanship. Of marble in lay work, of handicrafts of international quality and of gifted artisans. I never knew that most of the designer foot wear of the world is manufactured here. The designs are sent in and hand made shoes of the biggest brand names are exported out from here.

But today there is a public gathering announced for the launch of this product and thousands turn up at a vast ground. There is orchestra and music of the gifted Kailash Kher and there is the presentation of the Max Vijay scheme. A well organized event and it all ends up well within schedule and without incident.

Back in the room an interesting evening is spent with some of those attached with the event, in particular the brain behind the campaign for this product, Mr Piyush Pande, the vibrant and respected advertising guru. Modern technology, the future of entertainment, inventions that tend to break new hemispheres are all up for discussion and debate. It is so revealing and educative to hear what some of the great thinkers in the business opine.

There is talk of the presence of the 3G technology invading our lives and that perhaps India would not want to wait for this and jump straight to the 4G technology or its world, whatever that may mean.

There is talk of how Nokia mobile looses its market share to the later inventions in Apple and Palm and BlackBerry and how the facilities available on the latter have outdated those that came with the former. With 3G or 4G the downloading of movies and music would become so predominant on the mobile, whether the movie going audience would diminish, and so on and so on.

I listen with care and little else. My knowledge of all the terminology is a barren desert. No matter what they do with modern inventions, somewhere the basics will always remain the same. Content will remain king. And if we are in the business of manufacturing content then whether there is operational change, or whatever else, we are still in contention. What will they show for its use if there is nothing to show. Best to just be making movies or television, than get sucked into the vortex of how to display and distribute them. Would you not think ??

From one extreme to the other the evening progresses. Surrogate motherhood, BPO’s that manage and attend to calls and inquiries on the subject. Sperm and eggs required for birth are impregnated in Indian woman surrogates at really soft rates and packages of required cells arrive by courier and impregnated into women who bear children for others at a price. Women from Gujarat, the north in Punjab and in Hyderabad being the choice picks. How impersonal and unreal it all sounds, but how very evident it is in reality. Once the child is born, the parents, if they can be called that come over and ‘collect’ their child. Its a delivery service almost, for procuring your own children, when you have no intent of carrying pregnancy on your system for 9 months !! Most of these cases are from overseas, since cost of bearing the child is cheaper here than in their own land. I almost convulse at the thought of such a practice, but it prevails and thrives. The comparisons in cost – $100,000 – $200,000 in the US to $ 10,ooo in India !!

Then the unfortunate tragedies. Husband and wife decide to contribute for a surrogate baby. The process is tied up and started. Surrogate Mother is 4 months into pregnancy, when husband and wife divorce ! What becomes of the child ? It remains in the country after its birth, because of some peculiar law in such conditions which puts the ‘parent’ in the category of one that is adopting, and that is a complicated legal issue. So, what did the child do to deserve this situation.

A pity.

And you wonder as you think back, where we are all heading. What will become of our children and what will they be subjected to in the years to come. How will they cope and adjust, or will they ever.

The only solace that comes to mind is that, our parents thought in similar vein when we were born around them. We have survived or are surviving and so shall I hope our children and theirs.

Tomorrow early morning to Delhi and straight into hectic press activity for the promotion of ‘Aladin’ and then fly back to Mumbai and prepare for BB3. Life is catching up on time and place and matter. A busy schedule is welcomed because it keeps the mind occupied and the body alert. A troubled health however is that nagging fear. But then who said life would be easy and controlled and comfortable. So long as there is life, there is struggle !

Better believe it !

Good night

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 20, 2009
Day 546

Prateeksha, Mumbai                            October 19, 2009                           Mon 10:55 PM

Happy Bhai Dooj !!

The day after Diwali when sisters pay respect and tribute to their brothers. Brothers seek togetherness and love and sisters apply a ‘tika’ on their foreheads and give a gift to them. Every traditional ritual talks of remaining together and of respecting each others presence and relationship. Every ritual talks of the bond that exists in a family, of their importance and place in society. And yet in today’s world we see so many of us drift apart from each other; from the protection and security of a joint existence. Drifting away from love and understanding. Moments of association and times spent together in happiness and joy. Moments spent sharing what was ours with them and what was theirs with us. And then suddenly something snaps and we break away, forgetting and ignoring all that had been the glorious past. I doubt very much that we entirely forget. It remains with us in our thoughts, in our times of solitude and introspection. But some very persistent force keeps harping upon us to ignore it and move on. The cruelty with which we address these issues, the indifference that we construct are all manifestations of a mind that has been pushed beyond a point. A mind that has closed itself to any sanity, forgiveness or compassion.

Yet I believe, that a mind that once did love, that once did show affection would never be able to entirely remove those endearing moments from within. There may never ever be an occasion to relive them. But somewhere deep inside our system there is a safe compartment that houses all these feelings. When one notices families breaking up, houses and homes being destroyed because of petty and small uncalled for incidents, one is filled with remorse and distress and sadness.

May there be a Bhai Dooj in every home, in every home a Diwali and a celebration that brings us together. May the lights of prosperity and success be ever bright in all our homes. May we never ever despair. May there be no need for want and excess. And may there be peace and love among all of us.

Many perhaps are unaware that I represent the United Nations as their goodwill ambassador in UNICEF. I have worked tirelessly for the eradication of polio in certain distinct parts of our country – namely Bihar and U.P. The UN authorities had come over to meet and discuss how they could extend the appointment further and how we could work together for the benefit of children. Work towards infant mortality – the rate for which is perhaps the highest in the world in our country. How we could work towards the right of education for those less fortunate, to be able to afford these facilities, or even be a part of a program where literacy was being given due place and position. The Government is in the process of initiating an Act through our Constitution or through Parliament, where every individual shall possess the right to be educated. This shall be a most laudable initiative. Similar actions should be initiated in the field of medical care. There is such a paucity of hospitals and proper medical care in and around us, that one shudders to think what and how the poor or the common man deals with conditions where his health is at stake.

I drove down today with Sujoy Ghosh the director of ‘Aladin’ to review some portions of the film under post production and having been suitably impressed with it, could not carry the energy of excitement back home because at the traffic signal you get accosted by the poor and those that beg in the most deplorable conditions. Mothers with little babies unfed and undernourished, men and children with obvious disabilities made more stark and sympathetic by their handicapped conditions. I shy away in disgust and shame at describing some of them, for I am helpless in being able to do anything. I am first in doubt and in horror at the possibility of these humans being deliberately maimed to gain attention and perhaps that little extra from those that patronize them. Giving them alms could be falling into a trap where we are not certain where the end result is going to be. Do they actually feed themselves or do they collect to feed those that control them. It is a most sad and deplorable condition. Giving to them runs the risk of its misuse, not giving leaves a guilt in the mind. We shut ourselves away from the sight invariably and pray and hope that the vehicle move away from this ungainly sight at its earliest. The plight of these unfortunate humans is unbearable and as the car moves away you wonder why the creator built some this way and others the other way. You think of the good fortune you have had in the life you have led and continue to lead. You think of the less fortunate and wonder whether they did something wrong in their past birth, if at all there is one, to be subjected to such misery thus. Is there a principle that the Almighty works on. And if it is so, can we be privy to it so we could repair and construct our condition in this life before we pass ourselves on to another.

Max New York Life which I endorse arranges a function to launch their Max Vijay Insurance event in the city of the Taj Mahal, Agra tomorrow. I shall be departing early, spending the entire day there and then the next day to Delhi for the promotion press on ‘Aladin’.

But before this, a promotional for Polio and the Environment was undertaken. Polio eradication has been having a good run in most parts of the country. I am informed that in U.P and in Bihar, the two prominent regions where polio still abounds, the number of polio strains that were at one time six in number, has now been reduced to just one and for this they have been complimenting our rigorous campaigns. Its still not a completely free situation, but it is almost there. Which is heartening to note.

Abhishek and Aishwarya have driven off back to shooting at Malshej and the house shall get lonely again. Jaya shall soon be shooting as well and the only unemployed member shall be yours truly. Well not exactly unemployed; BB3 gets even more intriguing and time consuming.

My yawns now compete with the number of times I look at the clock and the word count at the bottom. I must to bed … and to the night !!

Love

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 19, 2009
Day 545

Prateeksha, Mumbai                               October 18, 2009                          Sun 9:38 PM


The morning after the ‘night of lights’ dawns. It is quiet and deserted on the streets. The mustard oil in the earthen ‘diya’s’ has dried up and the cotton wicks, exhausted and burnt black, lie limp and lifeless inside. Remnants of the firecrackers overnight litter the ground all over. The flower decorations on the gates and doors in welcome to the Goddess seem to have lost their evening glory and only the duty bound saunter on the roads.

Another year has gone by, another Diwali has past. A new ‘samvat’, the Indian new year, has begun. Life and its circle moves on in never ending motion.

The day after, has always brought with it an emptiness, an energy drain. There is the obvious physical drain because of the exertion of organization, of putting things together, and making the house comfortable and entertaining for  guests – the food, the seating, the mixing, individual care, likes and dislikes of those invited. The continuous movement from one group to the other and seeking their requirement and asking after their well being. The service from the staff, the odd conversation here, the odd care there. It is not an easy job to play host. We tend to forget what a lot of effort goes in in making the evening. We just dress ourselves up and enter into the evening when all is done and ready, without ever realizing the value of  that hidden hand that silently has worked in making sure all aspects have been attended to. We seldom reflect how it all came to pass and how it was all put together. We overlook, we take for granted that all will be done and ready, never paying attention to the fact that there is always one important person in charge that has labored hard to set the evening up, that has worked quietly and without complaint. That is there yet not there. That knows but never shows. That is present but seems to be not present. That commands but without obvious authority.

And that person is the lady of the house – the wife !

For her, the evening is the opportunity to exhibit her care and attention for the family. It is the opportunity when the fineness of her home will be on display. When others will form opinion of the residence she manages and governs. When from the welcoming flowers at the gate to the manner in which the food is laid on the table shall be under scrutiny and perfection. It is the time when the little nest she built as her own will be under test. Not so much for herself, but for those she cares and loves.

Every woman looks forward to the day when she will be able to be host to those she has sworn and committed her life to, and be host to those that visit her commitment. Wives are particular about this. They think and assess what gives comfort to those that enter her abode. What would suit them, what would please their appetite, what their temperament. What the nature of the crockery would be and the cutlery, how the arrangements for the seating would be executed and which bouquet or flower dressing would look pleasing where. It is a mammoth task and we tend to overlook the fact of how great an effort the lady makes in making the evening a memorable one. It is not done with any selfish motive, for personal aggrandizement, but rather with a feeling of doing something for the other. For those that depend on her, that look to her for guidance and advice. Making a home is not just about making babies and raising a family, it is the effort made in providing the security you expose to others that all is well settled, looked after and in control.

And it doesn’t stop there. It is a continuous process. Today the hosting may be over, but tomorrow the de hosting will start and the process of continuity shall be taken over. And day after day, year after year it continues.

This is a glorious moment of tribute to the better half, for they are the ones that make our life and also our design. When they are not there, homes have crumbled, and the inmates gone astray.

Staying together is the mantra for happiness and joy. Sharing issues, making all a party to what we go through the day, seeking reaction to decisions, valuing the inputs, and practicing the advice is what shall make our lives and our homes a better place to be in.

May I pray for such peace and harmony in every home. For togetherness and love. For sharing with others. For holding hands and walking together, step by step, towards a horizon that will be filled with multiple rainbows – each one only providing happiness and joy ..

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 18, 2009
Day 544

Jalsa, Mumbai                           October 17/18, 2009                                Sat/Sun 3:46 AM


The last guests have just left. A few closer friends have now gathered around in a huddle and sit and chat. It has been a late night again and knowing the anxiety that FmXt expresses when the post does not appear at the appointed hour I rush upstairs to bed to pen a few thoughts before the early morning birds start singing lullabies.

During the night of Diwali there has always been an open house. Anyone is welcome. To enter and take part in the traditional rounds of Flush, eat dinner, have their favorite drink and just mingle with the others that come in. Its a moment. There are friends that we have not met in ages, relatives that have dropped by and colleagues from the Industry who even though have their individual commitments always drop by to spend time with us.

Earlier in the evening we had gathered together at Prateeksha for the ‘pooja’ before the lights are lit. A prayer to Lakshmi and the God’s for prosperity and love, by the family. A short meditation of the days gone by and those about to come. A reading of the ‘Ramayana’, marked specially by my Father and then the ‘diya’ from the prayer is taken to the family temple and all the lights come on. All the houses light up at once, decorated by special lighting along the borders and the perimeters of the house. The trees are done up specially with light bulbs and china lanterns in orange. They look pretty. Even the ones surrounding the close proximity of the house from the outside are done up in similar fashion. It feels good when passers by call and tell us how beautiful it all looks.

Prayer over sweets and bonuses  will be arranged. Every employee gets some new clothing and a months bonus. They all seem happy and very content. It is a joy to give. It is only when you give  you shall receive.

The guests troop in one by one  and start feeling at home – settling down to existing, action on the floor. Flush or TeenPatti groups are formed and the games begin. I play and lose. Its just a game, I console myself and mingle with the rest.

I am but too exhausted to continue any further. And retire. But this is not the end of the matter. I shall return and fulfill all that is desired of me, or else …

Till then my dears,

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 18, 2009
Day 543

Jalsa, Mumbai                                 October 16, 2009                                Fri 10:59 PM


Happy and a prosperous Diwali. Health, peace and good will. Laughter, joy and success. All these I wish for my extended family, for their loved ones and friends. May we all remain together in an endless bond. May we respect and admire our individuality. May we give strength to each other, be in compassion and love. And may all of this be with you for eternity.

Its been a wonderful day. An early drive to Lonavala for BiggBoss 3, the meetings and interactions with the house mates as they are fondly referred to in Tv jargon, an episode with Akshay Kumar as he visits us for the promotion of his film ‘Blue’ and home to welcome the wife back from Karan Johar’s fashion show and Abhishek and Aishwarya back from their outdoor at Malshej for ‘Ravana’.

The decorative lights of Diwali are all up in every home, in every corner. The firecrackers explode all over the city, people are out in celebration on the streets, traffic is horrendous, but an air of festive spirit abounds. It is the hour of gaiety and laughter and expressing affection and cheer to one and all. Blessings are sought from the elders, gifts and sweet delicacies are exchanged. There is a warmth throughout and the Goddess of Wealth, Lakshmi is remembered in prayer and thought. The ‘diya’s’ that are lit around the house, the lights that illuminate every abode are an invitation to the goddess to enter into our humble homes and bless us with her benevolence.

Card games, mostly Flush, are played in the evenings with guests that visit. Lakshmi is sought in all the winnings and they become an indicator of what and how the rest of the year will turn out for them. Once a year, these traditional gambling sessions are conducted in the house as a ‘shagun’ and loud exclamations of a victory in a game or the lament of a close loss are cheered by all. Men and women turn out in their Indian traditional best, the smell of ‘mogra’ about the house pervades, special food is cooked and the night goes down till the very late hours.

In many homes there shall be no celebration. No lights, no crackers and perhaps just a hint of the invocation for the goddess of wealth. A tragic event in the family, a death or remorse prevents any kind of rejoicing and so for them it turns out to be a ‘black diwali’. We sympathize with those that have lost loved ones, that have through some ill moment been kept away from any kind of celebration, and move on. Life wishes it so. There are many unfortunate that cannot have the means for celebration. To them we offer help and succor and hope that the brightness of this moment brings back for them all that they have lost and suffered. We raise our arms in prayer for them and hope that they too shall one day enjoy the love of life and living, of having that elusive happiness and joy that has been snatched away from them and become prosperous and honored citizens of our beautiful country.

Mr Majumdar of MidDay has responded rather cruelly on the blog to my mention day before on his unhealthy and tainted journalistic practice. I reproduce below his comment at  *418 (?) on DAY 541. Apart from this he has carried a rather large and devoted article in his own paper, making references to the material on the blog, a copy of which has been scanned and produced also -

My comments shall follow after all this has been read and hopefully digested.

Abhijit Majumder, Executive Editor, Mid Daysays:

(abhijit20@gmail.com)

October 15, 2009 at 5:00 pm  Edit | Delete

Dear Mr Bachchan,

I have found my mention a few times in your blog for good or bad but have never felt it was important for me to respond. Today’s post, however, is an exception because you doubt my integrity and accuse me of lying.

I maintain that I have not misrepresented you in the interview. The entire interview is in fact recorded, so there is no scope of misrepresentation.

As for the video recording, I had clearly mentioned to you that both audio and video would be recorded. Our photographer Pradeep Dhivar was there. But finally, it is your word versus mine, and my conscience is clear.

It is hard to believe that a man of your standing will lie, so I guess you have forgotten that bit.

Incidentally, a ’sting’ cannot be done on an interview that is anyway on record!

I have come up as a journalist the hard way and so far nobody, even my fiercest critics, have not accused me of malafide intent or even remotely hinted that my integrity is not in its rightful place.

People who know me will only laugh at anyone who suggests I’m not honest.

That said, I remain an admirer of Amitabh Bachchan, the actor.

Regards,

Abhijit Majumder
Executive Editor
Mid Day

And my response is -

Dear Mr Majumdar,

I am glad that you have found mention of  your name on my blog in good or bad frame and that you have found it important now to respond as an exception, since you have felt it doubts your integrity and accuses you of lying. May I inform you most humbly that your desperate attempt at a clarification has done nothing to change that. Your integrity is not ‘in its rightful place’ and the accusation of you lying, remains.

You talk in your letter of misrepresentation. Strange. I have never mentioned anywhere that you have misrepresented me. Indeed I fail to remember that I have even made use of such word. I merely mentioned that the interview you did was below quality – in text, writing and language. The eloquence of my responses were just not captured adequately, despite the ominous presence of your ‘sting’ camera. And please, don’t try and educate me on operations of ‘sting’ cameras. I’ve been in the profession long enough – well certainly beyond your age – of knowing the intricacies of such gadgetry. Nobody comes along to shoot a video interview of a subject, as you so foolishly propound, by placing the camera at an angle that prominently exposes only his posterior and little else. Or maybe, that was your vain attempt at artistic representation. The ‘backside’ may well have been this great symbolic metaphor, of what you wished your interview would eventually be. It needs a brave man to think so poorly of his own creativity even before starting, and for this I must compliment you.

Mr Majumdar you say that you ‘had mentioned that both audio and video would be recorded’. That is undiluted garbage stinking rubbish. Every sms of yours seeking my interview is saved on my mobile. Every telephone conversation that you had with my office in this regard has been recorded. And, as you have yourself accepted, every move, action and word that you spoke on the day from the moment you entered my office to the time you left, is on video tape with me. No where, and I repeat, no where have you mentioned, that you would be doing a video recording. If you say your photographer Pradeep Dhiver was there, may I also inform you that my photographer Paresh Mehta and his two assistants were also there. You are not going to beat me by throwing names. These videos can be put up on my blog at the press of a button. Wanna’ see ?

And dear Sir, its not about your ‘word versus mine’, its about your video tape versus mine. And mine says that your conscience is not ‘clear’ at all. It is as densely clouded as the monsoon sky, so ironically visible on the day you came to take my interview.

You say ‘it is hard to believe that a man of my standing will lie’ and that ‘I have forgotten that bit’. I have not forgotten any bit, mister. From Bofors to Barabanki I have not forgotten any bit. From the Royal Courts of London, to the Honorable Supreme Court of India, they have all conclusively passed written judgement that I have not lied. Now, if you wish to challenge that, lets go to the highest justice authority anywhere in the world. It shall give me the greatest joy in securing another defamatory victory against you or any of your representations.

Your explanation of ‘sting’ and ‘interview’ and ‘record’, is again very fuddled. I know that when a interview is on record there can be no ‘sting’. But where have I said that ? I have merely said that you have recorded the interview ‘with a sting camera’. I am not as well educated as you are, but even a four old would have made out the difference.

You talk of coming up ‘the hard way’ and even your ‘fiercest critics’ not doubting ‘your integrity’. Mr Abhijit Majumdar, you are not the only one that has come up the hard way, we all have and we all have cherished and still do cherish the value that our parents instilled in us on our integrity. Your attempt at this puritanical white wash is soiling the walls even further.

‘People who know me will only laugh at anyone that suggests I’m not honest’, is what you say in your letter. I have news for you. The 100,000 extended family members that visit my blog everyday and 25 times that number that visit it each month, ARE NOT LAUGHING AT ALL !! And they far outnumber your ‘fiercest critics’.

Incidentally, do critics have critics. Never heard of any !!

You mention in your article under reference that I should not forget that the media has had a distinct hand in my stardom. Ho ! Ho Ho ! … now we are all laughing !

Firstly, I have never ever accepted or believed in this media created epithet of stardom or any other ‘dom’. And secondly, for 18 years under the ban of the media, Amitabh Bachchan ‘the actor’ that you admire, had his most successful run at the box office.  So get off your high horse and smell the dung. Media will be incapable of making or breaking an actor. Only the masses have that strength and you are still very far away from that criteria.

Your claim in the penultimate paragraph of your article, sorry open letter, states -

“I think in our zeal to be self-righteous, some of us forget to thank the Indian media for exposing corruption and injustice every day …”

Ha ! Mr Majumdar either you have deliberately blinkered your myopic blurred vision, or you wish to hide behind your inexcusable naiveté. Tell me honestly.. oops.. sorry, cannot trust you with that term.

Tell me how many times have you exposed corruption in your own profession ?

Are you trying to tell me there is no corruption in the media, no injustice ?

How come only you have the liberty of asking all the questions ?

When was the last time you gave any answers ?

If you were to look me straight in the eye and challenge me, I would not hesitate to look you straight back and justify. Put this cap of self righteous zeal over your own head and then come riding with me. I’ll whip your horse and you mine and lets see who rides the furthest and the longest.

Your guilt sir, has made you spend and subsequently waste precious news print in defending yourself in a medium you control and manage. Just look how far you have gone in clarifying your position. It would have been better if you would have used the space in exposing the ailments of ‘our civil society’ that you seem to cherish so much.

In closing Mr Majumdar, I am least enamored by the fact that you remain an admirer of Amitabh Bachchan, the actor. I don’t need you in that capacity. For me, my extended family that is the life and soul of my medium, is more important, because they admire Amitabh Bachchan , the human.


Oh ! And by the way. Why have you removed the video under discussion, today from the net. Covering your tracks or removing evidence ?

Warm regards,

Amitabh Bachchan

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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,  I leave the verdict to you. Mr Majumdars email ID and his Twitter contacts are written against his by-line on the article and in the response he has given.

With love … It is now 6:20 am !!

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 16, 2009
Day 542

Prateeksha, Mumbai                                  October 15, 2009                                 Thu 11:05 PM


A beastly cold sets upon me and a chest condition that threatens to develop into a disturbing congestion, drains all my energy. This is a terrible condition to be in. I need to avoid any kind of deep infection because it sets of various alarms in my rather frail system. There is also the matter with my shoulder that convulses with sporadic spasms inadvertently. Sitting and lying down brings it on severely and since most of our acts during the day involve us in these specific modes it is binding my activities to a level that I do not like.

I am presently under treatment from several directions. Drugs to control the cold and chest condition, drugs to ease the pain in the shoulder, and an electronic physio therapy session twice a  day to minimize or cure this blade of shoulder which sends a lightening like spasm into my life and my existence. Sound waves are being rubbed into the shoulder through a pasty cream and thereafter a pad that is fed by electrodes is attached which sends shock waves in to the affected area with the intent of curing it.

But nothing … nothing in the world seems to dissuade me from my attention to the blog and my little daily contact with the extended family. I am therefore requesting an early exit since bed rest has been advised for as long as I can manage, which with my rather crowded schedule, is still not as much as the doctors would expect.

Some concerned personnel, attribute this to changed climate conditions, flu like symptoms in the atmosphere during the time of the year, too much lap topping and a delicate immune system. I accept all these, simply because it would be futile to argue against it.

I leave you then with a heavy heart but do hope my condition shall explain amply why this is so short and uninteresting.

My love as ever

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 15, 2009
Day 541

Jalsa, Mumbai                                          October 14, 2009                                       Wed 11:31 PM



What a day !! Finally got to see some faces behind those comments that come religiously on the blog. The promised lunch with the competition winners was conducted at the ‘Saffron’ restaurant at the JW Mariott and six FmXt sat along with the BigAdda team and Jaya and I and we had a fun afternoon. We spoke of almost everything under the sun. Where they worked what they did how they found the blog the choice for my films, and so many topics. A moving moment filled with great debate and respect. I do hope they had a good time. I certainly did. Many and numerous photo opportunities later we departed, with some very happy memories of the day. I do hope we can continue this tradition and get an opportunity to meet more of the extended family.

Yesterday we also voted for the State elections. Went across to Abhishek’s old school, Jamnabai Narsee where the polling booths were to cast our constitutional right and to put in our democratic right on who should govern this wonderful state of Maharashtra. And as we retire for the day claims and counter claims are being discussed on TV as to what the outcome will be.

I am disillusioned though with yet another member of the fourth estate. It is Mr Abhijeet Majumdar of the MidDay. He had first come across to meet me some months back, to register that he had been in charge of the Delhi Office of the paper and since he had now been posted to Mumbai he wished to personally meet me to assure me that the content of their paper would not indulge in any thing that would be degrading to me or my family. I had been polite to him and spent a good bit of time assuring him that there was nothing personal that the paper and I had issues with. I had felt that MidDay in its reportage had on many an occasion been deliberately biased against my family and me and that was the reason why a lot of my writing on the blog had been directed towards them. He had assured me that he was there now to attend to just those very matters and to bring some diligent maturity as far as such anti reportage was concerned. I found him to be genuine in his approach and when he continued to keep contact with me through the net, I acknowledged it.

Prior to my birthday I had been getting his sms’s on the possibility of an exclusive interview – on 40 years in the Industry, on my birthday, on BiggBoss 3 and other related matters. I asked him to send me his questions on mail, a medium I prefer because of the control on the text of my expression and language. I had very little time and was busy beyond belief. He kept asking me why he could not do a personal one on one interview and how miserable it would be for him to do his first interview with Amitabh Bachchan via a remote. I seemed to understand his request. I had met him earlier where he had reiterated the genuine nature of his approach and a desire to set records straight if there were any moments of discomfort with the paper. I believed him and gave him a personal meeting time in my office. He conducted his interview, printed it, and did not do justice to the responses I had given, in the language and style I had done it in. But these are some of the handicaps we shall always have.

Two days later an FmXt member draws my attention to a video clip of my interview with the paper. I am surprised to hear it because I had never expected either the paper or any one else to have posted something which I would be unaware of. I saw the interview that has been put on air through a MidDay enterprise which works as a electronic news maker and now realize why Mr Majumdar wanted a personal meeting. He had placed a small ‘sting’ camera on the table in front of me, without informing me that the interview was being video taped as well. He never told me that they had a video net facility in operation and that the recorded interview would find a place there.

Mr Majumdar, you were dishonest with me ! You insisted on a one to one interview not because you were being deprived of the opportunity of your ‘first’ with me, but because you had malefide intent of recording the interview to be used as a live input on a video electronic facility medium that your paper runs. Had you told me that you were recording this for a net broadcast I would never have minded. I was doing several electronic interviews every minute and another would have not made any difference. But by lying to me, the integrity that I had associated with you as an Editor for the paper you work for, has been damaged. Your entire effort, now that I look back, in assuring me of wanting to bring in change, of giving me the impression of an upright and erudite journalist has unfortunately been destroyed by this one incident. You have proven to me, yet again, that you or your tribe cannot be trusted.

A fun evening was had though at the CNNiBN office facility in Worli where we had all gathered together for an interview to promote ‘Aladin’ this evening. There was the usual question and answer, but also some singing and dancing. Vishal and Shekhar sang two of the songs, we joined in and a good time was had by all. The wonders of television, its strength, its working, all still so awe inspiring.

But to get back to the lunch … ah … well … something special and stimulating. We talked of cinema, its reasons and its qualities. We talked of makers and specific kind of films. We also talked about each person’s profession and why and how they came to this decision that this was the one profession they wished to follow. It was wonderful to learn of databasing, BPO’s and MBA educations. To learn about asthma and its cures through the doctor from Kanpur that wanted to get me across to inaugurate the program. The gentleman from Jaipur and his vast collection of books on me and how he had been able to procure them.

It becomes embarrassing for me to be held in such respect and awe. I deserve it not by any stretch of human imagination. Later at the CNNIBN studio it became even more uncomfortable when the cast and crew speak similar language. I am but an ordinary human, with human frailties,  basic human instincts of likes and desire. I do a job in a medium that makes me capable of being rewarded by such lovely accolades, but nothing more.

I am but an incomplete form that seeks perfection, knowing well enough that that is like flying kites in Mars.

Incomplete, insecure, and deeply inadequate ..

I shall remain -

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 14, 2009
Day 540

Jalsa, Mumbai                              October 13, 2009                         Tue 11:56 PM


The reactions to Waheeda ji have been so invigorating. I never ever realized that there would be many among you that shared similar feelings. Yes she has been an exceptional lady and shall always remain within all of us that have admired her work, as that simple and gentle breeze that blew ever so fragrantly around us.

Reshma aur Shera was full of so many wonderful experiences. Living together in Pochina was like a great big army settled in around the village in a semicircular pattern. The tents were designated to different people, each having their own private little space and bed. In our tent there were 6 of us and after work was over we would all tuck ourselves into our hold- alls and our quilts, for it did get chilly by the time night fell. The place was infested with little bugs special to the region, which would climb onto the body almost like leaches and leave painful bites. There were the desert scorpions too, invisible in color and dangerously poisonous. They were difficult to spot in the sands, because of their transparent structure and many in the unit became victims of their sting. Apart from being exceedingly painful, the scorpion bite would give a fever and if not attended to could prove fatal. On one of the schedules coming to an end, when I rolled up my bed to pack and leave, I discovered to my horror that three of the deadly scorps had been under my pillow ever since I came in. Whhhooooaaaaa !! There were the usual folk tales of the special snakes that existed around the area, snakes that would slide up on to your chest as you slept and merely by their hiss, could deliver a deadly poison into your face ! The cure and precaution apparently for these sliders was tying a whole bunch of onions at all the four posts of the bed you were sleeping on. Ramchander ji, our DOP, the director of photography and one who feared this special phenomena much, was the one that spent the maximum portion of his time at the camp store, loading himself with bags full of the ‘tear jerker’. No one ever encountered one of these lovelies, but its fear and its strange behavior kept all of us on constant vigil.

There were the obvious ‘tipplers’ too that would sit around the camp fire every night and enthrall us with impromptu sessions of song and poetry – the recognized trait of most Indians when they had sailed off with just that little excess. KN Singh, that most dreaded villain of the 50′s movies was among our cast – evil as hell on screen, but the most amiable and learned of all the cast. He would keep us engrossed with his great knowledge of Urdu poetry and stories of the earlier days of the Industry for long hours in the night, as he nursed his favorite bottle of rum – the limited supply of which in this distant remote land, made him safely store his quota underneath the sand, to preserve it yes, but also to keep it away from those that prowled around to steal it. There would be a few obvious inebriated casualties too. And after they had been led to their respective beds after a rough night, some of us younger lot would sneak into their tent, pick up the entire bed they were on and travel a good 100 meters to the sand dunes nearby and place them there in the open air. Then get up as early as possible and stand around nonchalantly to watch the reaction and fun when they awoke !!

The most dreaded moment would be the sand storm ! This came on unexpectedly in the day and would last for more than 48 hours at times. So strong was their force that one could lean over their force and remain suspended in mid air without support ! Problem was, the sand was like minute particles of burning coal hitting your face and body and no matter how much one tried to cover ourselves it was never sufficient. Most of the day and night was spent inside the tent, scooping out all the excess sand that was piling up all over the enclosed area.

On a clear day the sky was never more beautiful. You could almost stretch out your hand and catch a few stars. Some of us would gather atop the soft dunes in the pleasant evenings and ‘dholak’ in hand would sing every possible song that we had learnt as kids or had had an association with from the films of the time. On one such evening, I had introduced the sparse gathering, of which Waheeda ji was a prominent member, ‘mere anganein me’, the UP folk ditty sung often at marriages and festivals. Never had I imagined that some years later Prakash Mehra would ask me to sing it for a song sequence for his film ‘Lawaris’.

I can never forget the terrifying moment of the animal sacrifice during the festive season within the walls of the Jaisalmer Fort. Traditionally during Dushera I think, a buffalo is beheaded in one fell stroke in front of the ruler amidst great fanfare in the central courtyard of the palace. We were to shoot the event live for the film, incorporating it in our story. The crowds were massive and bursting at the seams. The moment and the presence of Dutt Saheb and Waheeda ji was not making things easier either. Director Sukhdev, an award winning maker of his time was conducting affairs. He would wield the camera too on many an occasion. Among drum beats and loud cymbals the ruler strode out at the top of the mini stadium looking down into the well of humanity pushing and shoving for a vantage point around the buffalo that had now been placed in ‘position’ for the execution. The heir apparent to the royalty was brought down to the same level as us and seated under a special canopy on the same level and close to where the operation would occur. At a signal from the ruler a member of the palace appointee would pull out his sword and strike the neck of the animal, the expected procedure to be completed in one stroke.

It was a horrifying site and one I hope has since been stopped. As the deed was performed to perfection among loud cheers from the people, I sensed Waheeda ji, who was standing beside me in the shot, reel in a faint. I jumped to the rescue as the crowd became out of control. Dutt Saheb sensing the moment, soon joined me and gathering Waheedaji in his arms led her to the jeep we had come there in, asked me to jump in as well and speedily drove off. We quickly got to the place where we had shifted to in the city, ran up the stairs to her room and after cold water and fresh air and other various efforts on dehydration brought her to some semblance of sanity. I must admit, even though the situation was grave, I did feel very responsible and important, because I had helped in getting the Waheeda Rehman out of harms way.

Many years later as Jaya and I along with my dear friend and family member, Amar Singh, visited Abhishek’s shooting in Jaisalmer for Apoorva Lakhia’s film, we drove up from the airport to the Hotel and nostalgia took over. The Hotel was indeed the same out house given to us to reside in during the shoot of R@S and where we had rushed Waheeda ji to,  after that animal sacrifice incident. And .. Abhishek was staying in the same room that Waheeda ji was living in, during R@S. He had vacated it to allow us to stay there because of the paucity of space, but I could not but sit there and smile at the coincidental circumstances.

During R@S, the accommodation at this out house was less than basic. There were rooms, discarded and uncared for and beds, that is it. In a largish room downstairs a group of seven or eight of us lived dormitory like during the shoot. Ranjit, Vinod Khanna, Amrish Puri and other assistant directors. It was a life. It was an unkempt and ignored portion of the Palace, where perhaps the horse stables were looked after. Our existence there, was no less than being in a stable, but we were all so charged and happy while we lived there. It was particularly memorable for me, because a yellow sapphire ring that was given to me by my Mother, I am certain under heavy and difficult circumstances, was stolen, destroying my existence as it were of the much needed protection guaranteed by the stone.

Today the yellow sapphire is no longer the astrological stone of choice. The deserted and forlorn out house has been converted into a cute and lovely little Hotel with all the facilities of a five star. Things have changed for the better. Jaisalmer is now on the International tourist map, visited and enjoyed by a multitude of varied tourists. Pochina still remains that wild destination out in the desert, where a 7 year old boy had never known what rain was because it had never rained there for the last seven years.

What has remained unchanged is the memory of the place in the 1970′s and the lovely Waheeda Rehman !!

My love,

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 13, 2009
Day 539

Sopaan, New Delhi                      October 12, 2009                  Mon 11:30 PM

I am in my Father’s house. In New Delhi. A house that I built for him. For him and for my Mother, when his term as a Member of Parliament of the Rajya Sabha had been completed. Gulmohar Park, the region designated for writers and artists had been a barren wild forest area within Delhi, where the night was filled with the sound of jackals. Now after several years of expansion and habitation, the region has become the hub of most important activity and life. The Capital has grown beyond it and about it.

An eminent professional’s wife had invited us to introduce us to the facility she had opened in a high end mall and so we travelled. With the kind of goods and retail stores springing up at every corner, it is indeed remarkable how the face of the country keeps changing every few years. This one that we went to could have been anywhere in the western world. Such a change from the good old days of Connaught Place.

Dinner followed thereafter among a small group of common friends, a surprise being the presence of my favorite Waheeda Rehman. Now aged and well within her years, she to me described what the conventional Indian woman ought to be in look and behaviour. Those early films ‘Pyassa’ and ‘Kaagaz ke Phool’ and ‘Chaudhavi ka Chand’ and ‘Sahib biwi aur Ghulam’ are unforgettable for the charm and grace and childlike softness of an ethereal looking Waheeda ji, alluring and dynamic by the intensity of her simple and endearing looks and performance.

I was and still am her great admirer and fan. She signified to me the epitome of Indian grace and culture. She possessed in her the mischievous streak of that precocious village belle and the spirited movement of a Shiv Tandav. She looked vulnerable and lost, searching for protection in one moment, yet knowledged and mature in another. You felt like protecting and guarding her from all the evil of the world and to gently wipe away any frayed eyebrows that may have accumulated on her face. Her performances were pure and clean, without effort and deliberate design. They were just a part of her – simple and soft.

And you cannot imagine the excitement when I came to be cast with her in Sunil Dutt’s ‘Reshma aur Shera’. It was like an unbelievable dream. The Rajasthan location of Jaisalmer and the hot deserts beyond that in the village of Pochina merely a few meters away from the Pakistan border. The arduous drive for hours into the interiors without any navigation and roads. Miles and miles of barren dessert and dunes with a scarcity of every possible material good, required for survival.

Dutt Saheb an adventurer by temperament, would drive all of us into similar spirit. I remember the long and tiring nights of discussions at his Ajanta Arts office in Bandra, till the early hours of the morning – a trait that seemed so exhausting and utterly fatiguing for a young man not used to being up beyond the normal bedtime hours. The director and writers discussing endlessly on the script and screen play, while I disinterestedly nodded off in one corner. The screen tests that were carried out with costume and make up. The music sittings with that most talented music director Jaidev. The travels that would take place from Delhi’s Safdarjung Airport in old Dakota aircraft to every conceivable airstrip en route to Jaipur and then from there by car for a few hours to the walled city of Jaisalmer, a change of vehicle into the more dependable jeep and on to Pochina, the village where we were camped in tents for the entire schedule of the film.

Ranjeet and Vinod Khanna, Rakhi were my senior colleagues all living together in one big tent complex. The fun of our work in the heated confines of a brutal desert, the escapades with other unit members and crew and the absolute delight of being a part of the story that involved the great and divine, Waheeda Rehman. My moment of glory being the day when I was asked to carry her ‘chappals’ to her in the hot sands that were scorching her bare feet. I could have kept doing that for the rest of my life. Such was the passion of my devotion. Schedule after schedule in Pochina followed. Every festival was celebrated there, until finally the film was ready for release and the premiere marked by the presence of the great Meena Kumari, who after my somewhat insignificant performance in the film ended, came up and complimented me. I think I hit the ceiling !!

Then one day Waheeda ji was with me as my leading lady in ‘Adaalat’ and more as my wife in ‘Kabhi Kabhi’ and my Mother in ‘Namakhalal’. But no matter in what form she came along with me she always remained that gentle and soft spoken warm and endearing person. She has been with Abhishek in two films and I was happy to see that he too shared similar feelings towards her.

‘Reshma aur Shera’ had many interesting episodes during its making and some day, if urged, shall be written about, but for the moment it shall be just this and no more.

Till then .. till more on R@S .. till the detail of information …

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 12, 2009
Day 538

Prateeksha, Mumbai                     October 11, 2009                     Sun  11:56 PM

To the many that came with wishes ; that came with a desire to meet and greet, that had through great pain and perseverance kept vigil and then lost out on an opportunity to wish me. To the hundreds that thronged the three locations, Prateeksha, Jalsa and Janak and bore the pushing and shoving of the police and the security, to them I give my gratitude and thanks for taking the trouble to show your affection and love. Words shall always fail me when I shall be asked to describe this phenomena, but all that one can say is that I feel blessed to have been given the opportunity of so much love and affection from others. It is the greatest debt that I shall carry to my grave and one that I shall never be able to pay back.

Yes it was rough from the early hours of the morning, meeting and receiving the love and affection of the hundreds that were at the gates. Moving out and driving in to our own houses was a mini riot. But the faces that slammed against the walls of the car were happy ones, excited ones and ones that merely wanted to express love. Poems and flowers and several cakes and interviews later I was able to be with the family and spend a quiet afternoon and day with them.

Shweta kept PINGING us to watch particular channels as they broadcast the events of the day and my movements diligently. Many of the electronic had structured special programs and bulletins on my career. The many important papers had full front page tributes to me and the first print add., for ‘PAA’. Many of the print carried interviews and articles acknowledging my presence in the Indian Film Industry and they made very interesting reading. Friends and relatives called in and 1207 sms’s jammed the mobile.

To those from the extended family that sent their wishes, may I simply say that replying individually to you has been impossible due to the pressure of the work load, but I do appreciate the effort made by all in connecting to me. My apologies for not being able to reply per person, but an attempt to reply to all shall be put into practice and maybe before the end of the year or 2 years we shall have a response to all that matter !!

Thank you Lord for bringing me into this world, for giving me the parents that you did, for the affection of all those that expressed their love to me over 40 years of my life. I could never have asked for more. I respect and honor all those that have remained with me and for whom god willing I shall continue to work to entertain them.

Give me the strength, my Lord. Give me the power of work. Give me resilience and divine intervention and then allow me to come over and shake the hands that have waved at me for so long.

Happy Birthday all …. you have been such a delight in my life.

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 11, 2009
Day 537

Prateeksha, Mumbai                           October 10/11, 2009                      Sat/Sun  3:20 AM

I just had to write. Even at this unearthly hour. The thought of all the extended family waiting in anticipation of the post, is far more important than the much required sleep. A sleep which has been deprived for some time ..

The day has been one of a million interviews, back to back and non stop. It is the birthday season, the BB3 occasion, the completion of 40 years season and it would not have been proper to not give each media an opportunity. They have been kind and generous and celebratory ; each channel bringing their own cake and candles and their version of the birthday song to fill me with wishes and to fill my staff with tons of cake !! With each couple of interviews I have changed dress and location within the office just to give the media the benefit that it was not all done in one swift moment. And after it was all over the day ended up with the official release of the look of the film ‘RANN’ at the PVR theatre just behind the house.

This was some moment. A trailor of the film was projected on the screen and after its duration of 2 mins was over there was a thunderous applause from the media. This is unusual. They then asked for the trailor to be played again. Another unusual occurrence. Finally when it was all over we went down to the front to talk to the media, give our impressions of what the film was all about and take a few questions. But before that there was a surprise for me – another cake !! Only this time around it was presented by about 20 gentlemen, dressed in the character costumes of the various films I had worked in, but wearing masks of my face from particular film. It is always embarrassing to be confronted in situations like this and I do not know how I was able to keep my composure. The Q&A that followed was  I believe one of the finest interactions that I may ever have had. And surprisingly, there was applause on the answers of the questions they asked.

It has been a wrong belief that ‘RANN’ is Ram Gopal Varma’s retaliation on media. It is nothing of the sort. Instead it is a most pro media story; one that takes up their cause in as stark a manner as possible. Its a delicate balance between business and conscience. Does the media compromise with their conscience to get the business right, or does it compromise with the business to get the conscience right. Will the media ever accept the fact that this is a story that prevails in every office of the fourth estate. No, not the story of ‘RANN’, but the very idea of making compromises with ones conscience. For this is where the truth that involves us all, prevails.

Many sms’s later I was back in Jalsa to receive the newly weds, well almost, driving down from near Nashik and then bringing in the birthday. A small group of family members and the like, sat over dinner discussing perhaps the mode of the publicity that should be attempted for PAA, should be attempted for other films on the anvil and to leave the rest to the way the fourth estate, would react. Two prominent scenes from ‘RANN’ were seen by me and inadvertently drew attention and debate. Enlightening !!

In the failing hours of dawn my mind functions at speeds that need to be pushed to move. And I do not have any desire to move or push. So let me retire with the thought that those that have given me their love and affection today has not gone waste. I reciprocate it by extending my most gracious wishes to all those that have taken the trouble of extending theirs to me. Tomorrow is another day another life that I may have the honor of living in and believing and I shall extend my time to meet them  at whatever hour they may arrive. If it does not get out of control then there shall be occasion to meet those that shall come by. Those few that shall have made delicate gifts from delicate moments spent with me, or moments they imagined they have, will be an absolute joy to meet and a moment that shall not jeopardize the day of the moment, or vice versa.

It now rings close to 4:30 AM and it rings a bell to turn in for the night ..

Shubh Ratri ….

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 11, 2009
Day 536

On the highway from Lonavala BB3 house to Mumbai

October 9, 2009

Fri  10:12 PM

Dearest All,

Last night the lights went out in the bedroom at 3 AM and came on a few hours later by 5 AM. Out to sleep, on to awake ! With a couple of hours in the battery that runs in our systems it was a tough call to then drive another 2 hours to Lonavala to catch up with BB3. Now at past 10 PM its back on the highway to Mumbai and home after a grueling day. It was exciting to be able to chat with the contestants, to witness their goings on for the week and to be able to perform, what to me seemed the cruelest part of the program, the eviction.

A cake was in store for me by the end of the evening by the unit and the multitude of people that have been working so hard on this show. Touched by their gesture I thank them profusely for all the hard work they put in for the sake of one man and leave.

As I drive back many friends and family that have been watching the show comment about it. I am surprised that so many are indeed connected ; that BBoss is a part of their curriculum. But then such is the way with Reality TV. There is an attraction which defies reasoning. Many have expressed anguish and pain on the presence of such programs in the world of entertainment, and many quite the opposite. But I am just so taken in by the effort and management that goes into such shows and yet again salute them.

Tomorrow the team of ‘Rann’ wish to bring in the first look launch for the film at a theatre near by and cut a cake for my birth. It is the time of the year for cakes and their excesses and I shall be blowing candles a plenty. But stopping them would be a sacrilege and so one goes along. There is a line up of media interviews starting off from tomorrow morning. You do one you do a hundred. That is the norm and one goes along with it, though the excitement of birthdays and gifts has long since gone by.

I need to have a clear head in the morning and for this I need a clear 7 hr sleep. I indulge in that now and wish regret at not being with you in this post longer. But it has been a rather long day.

Good night and may the God’s be with you ..

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 9, 2009
Day 535

Prateeksha, Mumbai                                October 8, 2009                                Thu 11:55 PM

I fault in delay. I fault in response. I fault in delayed response for the past. I fault on many spheres.

But …. I do not fault in connecting with you.

My conditions as opposed to the one in Singapore have changed. Coming back has been getting sucked into the hailstorm, in work, in management, in new ventures, in matters of the family, in promotions of coming ventures and in a realm of limited sleep. This deprivation as we all know harms the thinking and the output, which in turn invites lethargy and complacency.

I lament the thought of not having been able to get back to you on 838485 and which now stands unattended for some days. I lament the fact that I have been unable to respond to the many comments that have been registered and I lament the fact that I am unable to concentrate with the intensity that I wish towards the writing of my blog.

But … we persevere and we struggle and we strive to not let continuity be disturbed, to not run away from issues and to be brave enough to face them and find a solution. And so here we are close enough to be near the time of the morning alarm to travel to the house of BB3, writing and connecting with the FmXt.

I have always held the memorabilia gifted to me by well wishers and fans to be of utmost importance. It has always been a labor of great love and affection, of hours spent in constructing that special card, that artifact, that painting to please and show affection to that special one that you have admired. Their proportion grows to such an extent that finding the right place for them has been a huge exercise. Many find pride of place in your immediate surroundings, many in and around the regions that you visit frequently and many just left to be languishing in anonymity. I hate that gifts and remembrances be left unattended and ignored, or even un acknowledged.

To those then that wish me and have not had response. To those that connect and have not received a reconnect. To those that wait in anticipation without word, may I just say that you are within my thoughts and not forgotten. It is but a state of mind that keeps me away for a while. When there is involvement in a project for which there is apprehension and uncertainty on the manner in which one shall be able to execute the job, then all else creeps in. It is difficult to keep ones mind separately trained on different aspects and yet be faithful to all. Giving the moment of truth to those connected shall indeed be always morally and technically correct, but most of the time there are flaws. The flaws play up due to the uncertainty. If one were to be good, all would be. The satisfactory completion of one, instills in us the desire to do well in all the others. Failure in one drives us down in the others and this syndrome prevails for a period that really ought not to have happened.

So the resolve really is that even when there is adversity, pain, disappointment, despair, we must continue to move on. Moving on changes a great deal of the physiognomy. A changed face brings on changed energy and we continue to scrape and scrub our way away from any adverse feel.

Its back tomorrow to the BB3, to summarize the week and eventually to decide through the process of public judgement, who shall remain and who shall be evicted. To meet and judge why this happened and perhaps through a series of conversations assess why is it that the people who stayed behind, perhaps had greater reason to stay behind.

All this and more tomorrow.

Balki and his wife came over with the rushes of ‘PAA’ and we watched a rough edit for its duration of just under 2 hrs. There will be surprises and shock as we view it turn by turn, but by and large we have a good film, bringing accolades to all those that were involved. In the noise and the bluster of others, there shall be here a calm. In the cluster of high end films, buying and shaping institutions merely by their worth in money would not be a safe decision.

Ayaaz Memon from DNA with whom I had a get together earlier, felt perhaps that there seemed to be far greater stress on economics in the business than the poetry and song. That collections and the flaunting of its monetary worth had left the Industry wondering whether all of it was indeed correct. I countered by saying that the old time method of family filming, brought us the jubilees. And jubilees then transferred to gross multiples of high end figures. This he mentioned with some concern, was the knowing whether money was becoming the more important player as compared to older times when content was supreme. Films were made for the box office and so money had to play an important part, but the difference was that the mode of calculation was such that no true picture of what facts were, ever made the spots that recorded film performance.

Suffice to say. Films were the only attraction then. Today it is different. The alternatives available race ahead. Television too which comes free of any major cost has become the potent contender and one that seeks recognition.

Someday there should be a show down and there will. Life moves in the fast lane. You either keep pace with what prevails, or be prepared to be run over. A stagnant creative mind is life’s biggest curse. If it is not oiled and moved about it shall rust and rot.

To this a salute. A salute then for challenge, for integrity and change. For an attempt at newer and fresh ideas to experiment with and the joy of its success.

‘PAA’ remains all that, as it stands today in incomplete form. A salute to change, to exemplary vision and exhaustive labor. In the cacophony a gentle flute. But one that blows with the power of a storm … !!!

Love and more ..

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 8, 2009
Day 534

Jalsa, Mumbai                           October 7, 2009                          Wed 11:59 PM

The moon, that elusive must for all ceremony – eid, karvachauth – is finally sighted at a respectable hour and on a clear sky. Suddenly all the heavy rain and clouds seem to have moved away to make way for the ladies to have some solace at the end of an arduous day.

The day was filled with the banter of many relatives, friends and acquaintances, all devoted to the ritual and all filled with respect and devotion for their counterparts. The media came and camped their OB Vans much ahead of time on the streets below and about, wanting to desperately catch us catch the moon on our terrace with the ladies. This is such an obnoxious intrusion. Nothing can be conducted in the privacy of our house without the fear of being watched through prying and news hungry eyes of the television. This is a private personal ritual. This is my personal individual house. We are wanting to maintain the sanctity of the occasion. We do need to go to the roof of the house to be able to see the moon and to be able to perform the traditional puja. But the electronic will be perched at vantage points on every surrounding building, poking their lenses out from apartments and adjoining roof tops to get a shot of the family in prayer. Thank you media for your divine sense of etiquette. I wonder how you would feel when your own privacy were to be so blatantly invaded. I wonder too how many of you get a peaceful night’s sleep and whether or not you possess that most sought after element in decency – a conscience.

But all the bitterness of intrusion was wiped out with the sudden and unexpected showing up of Abhishek and Aishwarya a little later. They drove in from Nasik where they are shooting, all the way just to be with the family and for Aishwarya to break her fast within the confines of home. Such a joy and a pleasure to see them.  They will go back early again in the morning, but really sweet of them to have come down to be with us. A wonderful surprise.

So we chatted and caught up and watched all the goings on in Bigg Boss and ate and talked and just remained in a huddle for long hours. Simple family deeds bring such happiness. I love the idea of a full house – parents and relatives and children all busy and running around. Different people involved in different chores. The clatter of movement and sound, of voices, of mingling and laughter. I am happiest when everyone is around, not necessarily getting in the way of all that they do, but just the thought that they are around, is fulfilling.

That age old custom of joint families fades away. I hear of terrible stories where the children have left the elders to fend for themselves. Where the aged are coerced into leaving the house so the younger lot can live without the fear of their presence. Perhaps a very prevalent culture in the West begins to creep in here. This is sad. So much has been written on this issue on this blog, but still one gets influenced to repeat it again and again.

No matter how old I may have got. No matter what my public profile may have been, I always kept my parents with me as much as possible. And still took great pleasure in asking them before leaving the house, or coming back and informing them of the day’s proceedings. The pain of isolation has no comparison and if not taken care of soon enough, can lead to conditions not conducive to being healthy. For the male it is perhaps his job and his work that keeps him occupied. For the female it is a lot tougher. You lose your husband to work. Your son and daughter get married and  you lose them to another home in one case and to another woman in another. For the Mother the daughter and son shall always remain the daughter and son that she gave birth to ; small insecure and needing assistance. There is a pride in her dealings with them and shall forever be so till the end of her days. She never leaves them as it were. And it is these qualities that shall forever attach the children to the Mother. She is the friend and the confidant. She is the one that all turn to from treating a cold to that major life shaping decision. And no matter where your present love and attention may lie – the woman you are married to or the man you have chosen to live for the rest of your life – there is no and cannot be a replacement for the Mother.

How does she know when you hide a cigarette from her during the early college days. How does she guess the girlfriend in your life. How does she know what you will eat at a particular hour. How does she know when you have had a bad day at work. How does she protect you from the anger of your Father. How does she protect you from all those that wrong you. How does she know who is bad or good company. How does she be the only one that keeps awake for you, no matter what time you return. How does she become the only one that gives patient hearing and then solace. How does she always have an encouraging word to give you. How does she be the one that reprimands you and yet be the one that suffers more. How does she fulfill all your material demands, even when there is paucity and meagre resource. And above all else how does she cook the best and most delicious food in the world.

More love and attention to you from all those that care for you …

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 7, 2009
Day 533

Jalsa, Mumbai                          October 6, 2009                         Tue 11:56 PM


The ladies have gone to bed early. Its ‘Karvachauth’ tomorrow, the day they shall pray for the long and prosperous life of their husbands. They will be up by 4 am for the ‘Sargi’, when decked in all their fineries they shall have specially cooked food and then fast the entire day, till they see the moon at night. The men shall be sent to various vantage points by the evening, to try and spot the moon so the ordeal that their wives have been through, eases. The moon is not seen by the ladies directly. They will see it through a sieve. The sieve that sifts the flour before it is moistened and baked to make our ‘roti’. ‘Divas’ made of the ‘ata’, or the moistened flour shall be thrown over the shoulder as they put their backs to the moon, a small prayer will follow, they shall touch the husbands feet and finally will be fed by his hands ; generally an Indian sweet meat. During the day there will be a narration of the reasons why the fast is held and the mythological stories shall be backed by the playing of specially recorded songs for the moment, if the group of ladies that collect at a common house, are not accustomed to singing it themselves. For most of the day, the wives shall remain dressed in bridal clothing. Those that are not married, often follow this routine in order that they may get good husbands.

Indian culture and custom are so endearing and warming to the heart. I guess every culture has something in it that stands out, that brings joy and happiness with it, else it would not be called culture or tradition. How wonderfully our forefathers and their forefathers thought about these customs and how wonderfully generation after generation has followed it through with belief and resolve. What are we in this generation believing in ? What is our resolve ? And what are we leaving behind for those that will come after us in the generations to come. Our teachings and our scriptures are elements that have been foremost in the efforts made to carry forward. Customs and rites have been through the years, classical music in India because it is not written has passed from one master to the pupil, as have dance forms. This tradition of passing on, of teaching and educating the next generation has to some extent protected these old and valued crafts. But what exactly are we leaving behind other than this.

I am not a musician, nor an art form. My craft is one that cannot be left behind as an example to follow – cinema craft is best maintained when individuality and personal interpretation are given its due position. What then must I strive to leave behind for those that I am directly responsible for bringing into this world. I must endeavor to drop for them temperament and value, etiquette and manner, good judgement and discipline. I must leave them with hope and confidence, with truth and commitment, but above all I must leave them with honor and justice and a precondition to remain human.

There were some interviews today – by MidDay and its editor level Abhijeet Majumdar. Almost all the questions were challenging my modesty, as was being repeatedly expressed to me. There is a desire to assess who and what I am and how, and most importantly why. But how does one expect an individual to be able to do that. I find that trait bordering on the irrelevant. Why would I want to expound on what my behavioral pattern depicts to an entire universe. I find it pompous. I find it discomforting. Let someone else analyze me, or decipher what they feel I am or represent. That I will not and cannot stop, but talking about my analysis myself is for me an exercise in futility.

Mr Prannoy Roy of NDTV does one for his channel via satellite. I wonder why he wishes to put me on his show. There is no special reason or occasion. Yes the cause of the channel for the protection of tigers is most pertinent and immediate. From a 100,000 to just a 1000 tigers left in India is indeed alarming and we are trying to structure what we can jointly do to further the cause of protecting them. In its furtherance, he informs me that I would have to comply with either of the three wishes – a roar, a joke, a song. I roar, it was the easiest to do.

And I wonder how that would affect the dwindling population of this magnificent cat !!

The cat has many intimate connotations with several members of our fraternity on the blog. Rochelle and Daisy M, come immediately to mind and I am certain they shall be loving the idea of a ‘cat’ mention on post.

I am tempted to mention it again. Its time for a long catnap !!

Good night !

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 6, 2009
Day 532

Jalsa, Mumbai                           October 5, 2009                         Mon 10:45 PM


When appreciation mounts itself on a white steed. When the rush of compliment gushes through the hair. When near and dear acknowledge effort. When the smile of fulfillment spreads across those that get involved. Then does the stride fall firm and resolved ; then does it bring rapid circulation into depressed veins ; then does it fill the breath with an air of lightness – a lightness that allows one to drop his head in humble sublimation.

I feel all of this today and I crouch with the burden of accolade. It quietens the soul, mesmerizes the ability to expound in loud joy and levels your existence.

I have felt this many times before and each time there is the submission to the powers that be, for generosity and their unparalleled attachment to this poor soul that seeks but nothing more than the desire to accomplish that which has been assigned to me.

The weather continues to play havoc in many parts of the country and witnessing the many extenuating circumstances on the media information, breaks ones heart. Suffering is such a harsh reminder of what human endurance is all about. And every time we feel that human limits have been breached to a point of no return, comes a moment which breaks the last limit. And all we do is stand and stare.

There is a valve within us that closes, or does it open, when pain can no longer be felt because of its severity. The numbness that many a written word from the greats have expressed, is but a true reflection of our state. I could be beaten into submission to toe a particular line, but never would that affect the truth that one bears and believes in. That strength of belief and conviction is what makes one a man, a woman. And not necessarily metaphoric by its description.

There were times in the hospital in 1982, when medical procedures were beyond the realm of pain, simply because there had been such an excess of it that any more would have failed to register – the threshold having been broken and destroyed.

Feelings fall into somewhat of a similar category. Once you succumb to feeling or several feelings which are detrimental to our existence, we are numbed beyond that for any effort that may come about asking for change. Not until the change overtakes the previous at least. The affection for a loved one is an example of extreme. Try denting it or running it away and you shall hit a wall. Any challenge to it ridicules the reason behind. It demeans the effort made. When I have expressed a desire, the desire has not come about through sudden compulsion. It has been thoroughly studied and researched before it commits. I can say I like something, but what can I express to give it a denomination, a figure, a number. Once a confession is made and accepted, do I need to continue the process ? That is the million dollar question. Many would disagree and lament the fact that affection and emotion are valued customers, but their revalidation and in some cases continued reassurance is what makes the association stronger and long lasting.

My commitment and love are the basis of this communication. For me, the daily output is a compulsion which is self imposed. It is self imposed because I have given the association the limit of my feeling. Once that has been established, I do not require more exhibition.

In a relationship their maybe moments when reassurance becomes necessary. It may be an age old belief and we will welcome it. But for me that is it. I have committed once with faith. It must be taken as the ultimate.

Our conversation today becomes too philosophical and detached. The coffee shop student concept of sharing and voicing opinion on every thing under the sun, prevails. At midnight it may not necessarily be the apt topic. But it is reflective. A little reflection hurt no one !!!

The bearing of pain was where we started. Beyond a point there was no pain. Affection and love fall into the same category. Will excess of it be ever desirable, knowing that there is space only for this much and no more ? I wonder !!

My love …. beyond pain and beyond excess

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 5, 2009
Day 530

Amby Valley, Maharashtra                        October 3/4, 2009                       Sat/Sun 1:31 PM


It just got over and it almost did not ! The launch of BiggBoss got washed away twice in one day by the heavy and incessant rain over the hills here. Thunder, lightening .. so close, it was blinding. The sets the electronics and all the preparations drenched and short circuited and the sound of the rain so vast and so loud that even within the closed environment it was impossible to work. The roof, a temporary shelter like facility under which this massive construction and all the colorful electronics were designed, breached with nature pouring down on them. Even on set the umbrellas were in use. But … what a fantastic team of people working on this project. I was wrong about the number. It is close to 700 that take care of every little production need. And they were marvelous ! Despite such heavy odds, they were just un-put- downable. Dried up the place, covered the sensitive areas, repaired the electronics and the show went on amongst screaming and cheering crowds.

Ok .. who’s in the house ?

Lots of interesting people. Diverse in nature and character, in habits and standing, expected and unexpected. But more of that later as the show progresses.

I think it is most brave of all of them to have decided to get away from life for 84 days,  leaving home and hearth in the care of others. I wish them all well and will be meeting up with them every Friday and Saturday.

TV programming is huge business now and as I experience the amount of labor and work that goes into production, I am convinced that the growth in this field has not even seen the beginning of a horizon that stretches endlessly beyond vision. The sheer magnitude of the operations and the supportive management that gets attached to it, is enormous. I would have imagined that having been in the Hindi Film Industry for 40 years I should have had some knowledge of the developement taking place. But no …

There is not a single face that I see around me that has any resemblance to those that have worked with me in film or in relation to it. All and everyone is a new face, diligent and efficient. Where have they all suddenly erupted from ? When did they learn the craft ? How have they at such a young age become proficient in these massive productions ?

Television in India has grown silently but most effectively alongside our world of film and now overtaken it. It has created its own star performers with huge fan followings. Just watching some of the TV stars getting onto any platform, with the kind of public reaction and frenzy, is an indicator to all of us that there is a very committed and vibrant world that exists beyond cinema. And a very committed and vibrant mass that quenches its thirst for entertainment, irrespective of film.

For years cinema was this enigmatic illusion, a dream that was respected and patronized by all those fortunate enough to be a part of it. They had their own individual strengths, followings and presence. That exclusive domain has been thoroughly dented by TV. That god like and worship phenomena, can never prevail anymore. TV and its stars and personalities, may have created a world of their own and it may still be a reckoner in comparison to film, but there is not a moment of anguish or disbelief that film has serious competition. The pundits of cinema may continue to analyze and discredit it for its poor out puts and the resultant diminishing returns at the box office, but have failed to understand that TV has become an incredible other alternative. An alternative that comes to the client within the confines of his home and bedroom. That does not require the costs that films undergo and does not put at risk at not being able to hit the jack pot each time you put your television on. Yes there are financials that play an important part, but nothing even remotely near those that get worked around an overnight TRP.

I had thought that KBC was an experience that entered my life for just that moment ; delivered and went away. But it is much graver than what many believe. TV has become a system in a very short time ; cinema is still groping for that. The sense of moving with the generational thought prevails more with TV than film. In India, the major contributions of TV may still be catered to a class of people that have lived not too healthily. Not physical un health, nor material. This body of people has, because of economic restrictions, kept away from the extravagant. And now when extravagance touches their homes without them having to go out to receive it, they would prefer ‘this’ than ‘that’. ‘This’ because it is virtually free of cost and ‘that’, frightfully expensive. ‘This’ because of the ability to switch as often ; ‘that’ not having replay or stop button.

In a world where we have the choice of change 24/7, cinema will have to work really hard to capture what it set out. It never had any encumbrances earlier on, now it does. In an economically deprived nation such as ours, the better option shall always remain with the cost effective product. TV is doing that rather well these days.

I had thought that the operation of KBC was a nightmare. But looking at Bigg Boss, that nightmare looks like a sweet dream. Yet TV still remains the lesser small screen diversion. A diversion that compares not too comfortably with film and cinema in stature. May be. But cinema came before and created an aura by itself, primarily because there was the absence of any other diversion. First loves remain with you forever, strangely enough.

It is now past 4:15 am. I have decided to spend another night here. The roads are fog laden and not safe for driving down to Mumbai. Fog ! Yes fog. Seems incongruous that it could be related to a drive, an hour and half away, to the city that bears the name Mumbai. But there it is.

I hate to leave a subject incomplete. But the circumstances prevent me. I would love for you to provoke me later on someday, and perhaps then we shall be in a position to decipher this unique occurrence – film over TV !!

Good night dear ones …

Shubhdin, Shubhratri, Shubhjeevan ki Shubhkamana !!

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 4, 2009
Day 531

Jalsa, Mumbai               October 4, 2009              Sun/Mon 1:40 am


A host of apologies first ! I mentioned the names of the contestants even before the show was aired and that was wrong. It was part of the surprise that the channel wanted to keep and I with my penchant to keep the FmXt informed went ahead with it without realizing its implications. It was around 4 am when I was posting the blog and after an entire day of nervous anxiety and strife, I was obviously more than just fuzzy. But no excuses, it was a grave error and a confirmation that it had been committed was confirmed when I called Ashvini Yardi, Programming Head at Colors, in the morning. I did immediately try to dilute the effort by deleting the details on the blog and also removing some of the comments that contained mention. For this I need to be excused. But all is well now, the BB3 has been aired and we can indeed talk freely of it.

The blog has been under some torment. The DAYS do not appear in chronological order when they are opened. 520 remains on top and the current 530 remains lost in between 527 and its (i).

The server requests time to be able to attend to it. Technicians are working on it and there should be a solution soon.

The morning at Amby Valley was simply amazing. A light drizzle, low clouds, fogged in with that mysterious smoky ambience and the temperatures just right. It was truly sensuous ! Driving down was slow but equally romantic. The light rain remained throughout as did the fog and mist. I never can make out which is what and why, but it was there. Yet another day when you never want to get out of bed. Home again within a couple of hours on the road, but now in the absence of the kids – they went back to Delhi and to School. Abhishek and Aishwarya still slugging it out in heavy rain in Malshej had to wrap due to inclement weather.

Inclement weather is the talk of the country. Floods and most treacherous conditions have arisen in Maharashtra, Andhra and Karnataka. Several hundreds have died and the destruction is incalculable. Orrissa is suffering too. In fact the entire country is now under the throws of a weather condition that has not been seen in years. In Andhra not for 100 years. That is saying something.

Nature plays strange games. For most of the monsoon period the rainfall was insufficient. Drought and famine like conditions were prevailing. Farmers, unable to pay off their loans were committing suicide because there were no crops to harvest and sell and repay their borrowings. Now, a burst of ill timed rain and people struggle to survive from its aftermath and terror.

Life too is strange. We complain of low lying areas and flooding in the metropolis. Of flooded streets and traffic jams, of leakages that destroy our furniture and paintings, that put our vehicles at risk of being submerged. Our flights get delayed or cancelled and our electricity gets cut.

But compare it with the devastation in the lesser known regions. Where the poor are without a roof and shelter. Where there is no food to eat or clothes to cover the modesty of their bodies. Where the afflicted escape to higher ground to remain safe from raging waters, hungry and without aid for days. Where there is no medical help for those that suffer disease.

We have no right to complain and show displeasure. It is hypocritical to do that. The inequality in suffering is a humorous cliche. How does one equate suffering separately ? A suffering is a suffering. There cannot be a degree of measure to it. The intensity of one to one may not measure the same to the other and vice versa. All suffering needs attention and relief ; immediate and complete.

A few messages of compliment start coming in by the late evening. They come from strange quarters and from unknown sources. Generally that is always looked upon as genuine opinion. These could be early knee jerks. With the passage of time perhaps a more realistic picture shall emerge on BiggBoss Triteya !!

And I still believe, irrespective of the final analysis and result on BB3, that TV is massive and intriguing and compulsive and its own world creating.

And before I close, I cannot but think of the 13 that have now spent 24 hours with each other in the house with 35 cameras. One gone 83 days more to go !! How will they ever do it ?

Love and …

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 4, 2009
Day 529

Amby Valley, Maharashtra                             October 2, 2009                        Fri/Sat  12:39

A two hour drive out of Mumbai at 6 in the morning and ….. PARADISE  !! Amby Valley, an entire city set up by the Sahara Group and the brain child of its founder, dear friend Saharashri Subrato Roy, neat and clean, peaceful and quiet by the shadows of the hills of Lonavala. The clouds kissing the trees, acres and acres of green vegetation and plants and flowers and not a leaf out of place. Pretty elegant cottages and facilities hidden among the foliage, lakes, its own little private airfield, flood lit night golf and million other things to do over almost 5000 acres.

This was a wild deserted forest area when it was discovered by Saharashri and we have been coming here ever since its inception and the plans to develop it. Such a pleasure to see it brimming with all that was conceived and designed.

The inaugural of BiggBoss takes place tomorrow at Amby Valley on an elaborate set, where we have been rehearsing and doing cut away shots. That over we have driven down to Lonavala, to the actual house where the contestants will be locked up. The set up is massive. Over 350 people working round the clock in running this show. Intricate control rooms, electronics, cameras, microphones … it is quite something. And they have built an entire chalet for me when I come in to work over the week ends – bedrooms, makeup rooms, hall, dining area, kitchen, verandahs, huge courtyard … a Spanish vila in design with the personal touches of family photographs all over the house. I could move in here ! This is some operation !!

Quite quite overwhelming !! And the quivers have increased 100 fold and the pessimism a thousand. Its that lurking deep hollow tunnel within that keeps tugging at your intestines and stomach, drying it empty. Beethoven’s Symphony’s have that. The sweet light bright instruments of the pipe and flute and violin, gently moving about with rapid enthusiasm, when suddenly it is overtaken by the heavy drums and chords of angry resistance. Almost like life being condemned by the presence of ominous fate. Life lives and exists within its parameters. It breathes hope and accomplishment through hard work and talent, when fate steps in and robs it of all expected glory. And you wonder whether it would not have been better to have left it to fate than to have labored with honesty. But fate on its own would never work. Not for the good, nor for the evil. The compulsion shall always be the need to excel, to achieve with the satisfaction of hard work and then leave the rest to fate. Perhaps fate smiles greatly more on those that labor, that persist. Maybe that is what we should always aim for and remain immune towards the result. It is when we seek result that expectation rises. Each expectation then has its own color and purpose. A result is an essential, but for whom and why.

I shall spend the night here. The day has just ended most exhaustedly, and there is a call for an early morning. There was thunder and rain a short while ago and the temperatures went further down. But what came down also were the clouds as they drifted by along the upper regions of the surrounding hills and at times just hung motionless in mid air.

Tomorrow another venture, another experiment another phase. Merit shall be assessed and addressed. Pro and anti sentiments shall be expressed. The next few months shall test our caliber or destroy our worth. We may succeed or we may fail. Nobody except fate knows the result. Which is why metaphorically fate could be succeeding all the time, without moving an inch !!

My love and affection

Amitabh Bachchan

Oct 2, 2009
Day 528 (i)

The Bigg Boss launch promo. Descriptions of which have been described before. Enjoy …

Oct 1, 2009
Day 528

Jalsa, Mumbai                         October 1, 2009                        Thu  8:21 PM

In the solitude of Jalsa. The ladies are away. The children, grand that is, have gone to encourage a family colleague, who plays a rock band at Ecole Mondial, a flourishing school in the vicinity. Jaya has left early to be with the Harmony Show, conducted by Mrs Tina Ambani, where the elders of society are honored and the me has just returned from Juhu Wala Marriott after describing the benefits of devouring honey made by Dabur to be the important factor in ones health. More media, more speeches, more cameras, more people … but the solitude within and now in the home.

BigAdda has now confirmed that the link up with Face Book and the blog has indeed taken place. This is a first apparently. A blog coming on to FaceBook. And so its champagne time ! Well metaphorically !! We can go there and they can here. Not able to comprehend ? Ok over to BigAdda …

Dear Sir,

A)    We take pride in informing you that your blog is now live on facebook. We have monitored it for a week and now it is working very good.

The idea of taking you blog on facebook as an application was to broad base the availability across different internet destinations.

Kindly find attached a note detailing out step by step process of accessing the application on Facebook. We can also come personally to give you a complete demo of the same.

As discussed in our earlier meeting now we can make an announcement about the same on your blog, so that your EF come to know.

bigb-fb-app1

That document above should give you a process of getting on or off FaceBook. Cool eh ?

Many in the meet and greet event today harped on good health and how I maintained those elements. I found the glorification of the issue of my health a little exaggerated, but since the quality of the product was under public view, I endorsed indirectly the importance of the ingredient. Health really is a state of mind to me. If the mind is healthy, the body will show it. If not then not. When we harbor hatred and malice, guile and mistrust, ugliness and abuse, our faces shall express them in vivid detail. When we inhabit happiness and wellness, laughter and joy, good counsel and openness our skin shall glow and the body stride out with confidence and bounce. Yes the regular bits count – controlled diet, controlled exercise, but the mind will always be supreme, in all aspects.

Prateeksha, Mumbai     Thu 11:43 PM

Shifting base but not sentiment, shifting physically not mentally … shifting but never drifting.

I seek strength and courage, prayers and blessings. Tomorrow I start the first day recordings for Bigg Boss Season 3 and the butterflies and the shivering knees occupy most of my thoughts. Every new venture brings with it the apprehensions and the uncertainty of creativity. What is it about this profession that makes us thus. If the moment of judgement were to be postponed or withdrawn it would be the greatest jubilation for all of us. But uncertain as we are just before I cannot say what switch turns us on into the ever efficient performer once the lights and the action is demanded. It is a study in nature and in human behavior. The abnormality of the moment is a case study by itself.

I shall never know and neither will those that suffer with me, but it is a unique phenomena and I wonder if there would ever be sufficient interest in it for it to be researched and analyzed. There are many in the fraternity that take courage and strength from external objects of stimulus consumption. There have been several known and unknown cases that come to mind. Celebrity in them makes for derogatory reference and comment, but seldom has there been compassion expressed in understanding the circumstances of the accused. It may well be the necessary compulsive potion that would temporarily drive within them a sense of security, hitherto not experienced. Making myself secure is human. Secure from the travails of status, from the pressure of output, from protection of failure and a million other thoughts that run through the mind of an average John. But never have I heard words of compassion on their condition, or the troubles that put them there. The celebrity is never to be equated with good or good deed, because celebrity has never to be associated with contribution to society. They are outcasts, evil monolithic rogues, that destroy culture, ethos and tradition. They are the bane of existence and they must be knocked on the heads and kept in place. So judge those, that judge conscience of a nation. And once done, these judges of society deliver and disappear. They are never accountable, they never will get the thrill of entrepreneurship, nor will they ever be held responsible. Once the column is filed and closed, so also is their conscience. This episode is over and done with, lets look for tomorrow’s game, is the refrain. Its a good life !!

For those in love and in prayer ..

Amitabh Bachchan



The Bigg Boss launch promo. Descriptions of which have been described before. Enjoy …

Oct 1, 2009

September 2009

31 posts

Day 527 (i)

Prateeksha, Mumbai                            September 30, 2009                         Wed 11:54 PM

The flight back was peaceful till I slept to catch up on lost sleep. A kind and considerate hostess from KingFisher Airlines, gently spread a blanket over me while I was in deep slumber ; it was a bit cold in the cabin. Closer home there were autograph and photograph requests from passengers and the crew and then home. Again.

Most of the day was spent in catching up on what the others were up to. Kids were stuck to their PSP’s, Abhishek had gone for the day to Bangalore for an Omega endorsement event and the rest of the ladies were busy in household chores. The GQ magazine came out and the shoot at Singapore showed up in a few descriptive pages, India should be on their way back from South Africa after being eliminated from the ICC Championships – Australia beating Pakistan in a thriller, thereby sealing India’s fate and I prepare for a Dabur Event tomorrow, a product that I endorse, where I shall be asked to speak on the benefits of Honey !!

Women are like the police. They can have all the evidence in the World, but they still want a confession.

Always keep hoping for the good. As the Chinese say – ‘Keep a green tree in your heart, the singing bird will surely come !!

The wife sent me these as we lounged around in the day, not doing anything of particular importance. Hope and its manifestation in the Chinese proverb, came across with some strength and character. Lucky are they that keep hope so positively alive. The good fortune of always being able to hope for the good, may sound utopian in its belief, but if the Chinese are saying it they must have reason to say so. One does not necessarily argue with the Chinese.

But yes, the green tree of hope is symbolically within its right to expect the singing bird to arrive. For a perennial pessimist like me, the above may not make adequate sense and neither would it be acceptable to most that spend devotion with me, but it is an admirable twist of fate that despite these handicaps, the song of the singing bird has always been most sweet and melodious within my construct. Perhaps it was destiny, perhaps fate, but it did accomplish and reward.

Many have wished to ascertain whether fate took precedence over the singing bird and whether luck favored the tilt in my direction. I will not deny that luck and fate have had a tremendous contribution in the lives of many that had the gall to instigate it. Personally I have done the deed, but waited for some divine intervention to push me to the other end of the shore. I wonder if this could be a disqualification in the moral standards of the country’s established view. Superstition, particularly if it is religious superstition, has had the think tank of the country rumble a bit. Constitutionally it has been viewed and debated to the fullest. We await further details.

Tomorrow morning I am to be visited by personnel that may bring up an issue long since buried, but the remnants of the past may have to be considered and not what may be assumed by those that matter as effects.

The mind and body does work for peace and harmony, but it is now a bitter truth that they can only co exist if matters are looked at from a distance. The ability to shell yourself away from the issue on hand and give it a perspective that could form a stable reference, would indeed be the preferred route. Many though disagree. Disagreement is healthy in debate, but here it would not bring result. And harmony desires a result, else it does not exist.

My love

Amitabh Bachchan

Sep 30, 2009
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