Amitabh Bachchan's Official Blog

Month

May 2010

37 posts

Day 770

Bhuj, Gujarat                              May  31,  2010                         Mon  1 : 52 PM

The sheer variety in the landscape of this region is enough reason for one to explore and discover and assimilate all that it has to offer. This is but one part of a part of this great nation, and you cannot but admire the veracity of its potential as a destination which if managed well, can become the ideal tourist attraction.

When you are up at 4 AM and on site and location some 60 kms away by 5 AM ready to film, this is what you get. This above is the sea at Mandavi and those that Twitter may have had a first impression of it in the early hours, when I was able to connect to them on my BB.

Calm and quiet, peaceful and isolated the sea a calm soft presence, the breeze cool and endearing and a single wild dog burrowing through the sand furiously, to catch his breakfast – a crab ! In the distance to the left an entire army of Suzlon windmills modern and efficient energy developers, looking majestic against the barren sky and soon enough a traditional drink under thatched roof and mellow glares. It is ecstasy !

A follower on twitter quipped – tomorrow’s headline on the electronic :

“Bachchan on Mandavi beach watching posterior of dog – ecstasy !”

I had described the scenario in the morning on my tweet. Could not help but mention how funny it was to witness this canine wonder, head under the sand, posterior sticking out, digging through its front paws for poor little scared crab, who incidentally, must be digging even more furiously deeper to keep away from this marauding pest. ‘Pest’ said in jest, just in case the animal lovers brigade decides to take offense ! Ha ha ..

Thats a closer look at the ‘crab hunter’ and a closer look at what camera device goes behind the making of these promotional films. Thats a ‘jimmy jib’ that you see protruding out of nowhere and is a long crane like arm with the camera, as you can see, attached to the end. These are used when it is physically not possible for the DOP to operate a camera at a particular angle. The camera moves in all directions through a remote control and the technician can sit far away and control the shot.  And I have no idea why it is named after Jimmy !!

I would have ideally loved to have remained in the shot the entire day, tinted blue glares and all, but the Palace in the distance and by the beach was inviting and not without reason. A semi large but cozy ambience, with masses of land surrounding it and of course the architecture amazing ..

This little, well nothing is really little in palaces, this artistically designed terrace was the highest point in the structure. Romantic and in a way quite sensuous. The welcome at the door way was traditional – scented flowers thrown around you as you walk in and garlands and artifacts presented. Shawls of local handicrafts, colorful and amazingly designed and a sword, a symbol I guess of virility and fight.

Lagaan and HDDCS had been shot here and one does not need to wonder why. The Palace stands alone in this vast space, regal and impressive surrounded by wild growth of the ‘ganda bawul’ shrub. Which is all that one finds here for miles. It is, I am told, also used for fuel. They apparently burn the shrub and when it is done with the burning, they collect the charred remains and make it into blocks of coal, to be used in the homes as fuel for their cooking. What nature or man cannot provide they design ingeniously on their own. Survival has been such an educator and inventor !!

There were some interesting signs though as we entered the long drives into the facility. No smoking of course and no music machines and no horns ! I would presume they wished to keep the area quiet for the tented rooms by the sea, constructed specially for tourists to forget urban existence.

A quick visit to a prominent freedom fighter memorial, hidden within narrow lanes and then to another surprise. There is a desire to develop sand castle building as a hobby among the residents of the area. The large and voluminous beaches forming an excellent location for their culture to flourish. The artists who excel in this craft are mostly operating in the state of Orissa on the Eastern coast and many of them have been imported to Gujarat to practice and develop their craft here. And look what they did for me -

They have built an entire mountain on Madhushala, with my Father’s face on one end and mine on the other. Incredible ! Very moving and emotional to see the love they still have for him, Dr Harivansh Rai Bachchan !!

I drive away with mixed feelings of admiration for the artist and his thought and thoughts of my Father. Would he have ever imagined that a day would come when he would be etched in the sands of time in this manner. And that his creativity, first made public in the year 1935 would still be remembered 75 years later on a beach front in Mandavi in Gujarat ! There is pride of course in the greatness of his work, but pride too in the fact that it had such a universal impact all over and for so many years.

I twitter a bit on Twitter, the short term short message short social site. And I find that the expressions on it are more chatty and fun. But within a few days of coming on it I discovered that there are many there who are admirers of poetry and literature and matters and things of a certain maturity. So impressed am I of this that I have been posting some of my Father’s thoughts on it and the outcome has been so encouraging. On many an occasion I have put in, due to the bindings of the 140 characters, a few lines from a poem, only to find the rest of the words coming through from an ardent follower. Simply awesome !! May this tribe grow.

The night beckons, for, tomorrow is a different location and some travel to it of substance.

The Gir forests of the Gir lions, the only location for the Asiatic lion will be covered next and I do look forward to reporting their movements and sightings, if any.

Good night and God bless

Amitabh Bachchan

May 31, 2010
Day 769

Bhuj, Gujarat                         May  30,  2010                     Sun  9 : 16 PM


The region, the people, the place , the visuals … the air .. grows within you. The air of Gujarat. With each breath the colors and the vibrancy fill you up with an energy that I have not experienced in the recent past. And we have barely scratched the surface yet.

I didn’t wait or trust the alarm this morning after yesterday’s mishap and decided to try a more natural device. A device I had read or perhaps picked up from either my Father or through practice on my own. Before hitting the bed you tell your brain in a somewhat authoritative tone – ” Tomorrow morning I need to get up at 7 AM !! “. And wonder of wonders, the brain wakes you up at 6:45 !! If you are not waking up for an important meeting, try this. It works, trust me. Sleeping pilled and alcohol induced individuals are strongly advised against it. For them I would recommend the clock tower at the Prag Mahal in Bhuj, a most extraordinary structure and our first port of call this morning.

Exquisite ! Even in its ruinous condition, worsened by the devastating earth quake that destroyed the entire city of Bhuj. The grandeur, elegance and sheer magnitude of the royals, or the MahaRao as they are called here, now just a sad shadow of the glorious past. I spoke to the Secretary Tourism, Mr Vipul Mitrra who accompanies us throughout, if something could be done to preserve this elegance. Thankfully he informs me that the Government has taken it upon itself to restore the palace and has sanctioned some funds too for it. Staff that has remained through the ages at the palace still works here and graciously welcomes all. A wonder then to find such architectural finesse in an area which gets primarily identified as arid and dry.

As the heat builds up and the enthusiastic but disciplined crowds fade away from the palace gates, we drive up towards KalaDungar – black hills –  and to the temple there of DattaTreya, the three headed incarnation of Lord Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv in the same body. Legend has it that when DattaTreya walked the earth he stopped at the Black Hills and found a band of starving jackals. Being a God he offered them his body to eat and as they ate his body regenerated continually. Because of this the priest at the temple for the last four centuries has been offering ‘prasad’ after the ‘arti’ in the evening and the jackals come and eat it. I found this a bit strange, but waited for the phenomena to occur. Sure enough as the priest took the offering to a designated spot, within minutes bands of jackal appeared almost from nowhere and devoured the prasad. They seemed a little hesitant today because of the crowds that had gathered due to my visit, but i did get a few shots in. Here they are -

That raised platform in the distance is where the prasad is laid, beyond the looped gate, and if you will observe carefully you will be able to make out a few of the jackals biting in.

The rocks as we approach the peak are strange in their appearance. It is as though they have been carved out into blocks ready to be used for building an edifice. Temple formalities done and environment care taken through the planting of a tree, we walk a little further on the rise towards another astonishing site.

What you see in the distance is the bed of a river, meandering its way across. There is no water now there. It is the remains of the Indus River that flowed along here, till a massive earth quake in the 1800′s shifted the course of this historic body of water further West. After the Partition of the country, the Indus now flows through Pakistan. This entire region is Sindh and was part of India earlier. Sindh I believe derived its name form the Sindhu River, the original name for the Indus. The great Indus Valley civilization existed on these shores and we shall be visiting those Harrapan remains during our trip later. The civilization almost 5000 years old and perhaps the earliest in the world. The remains of the architecture demonstrate how well planned and organized those cities were.

I looked through powerful binoculars across the vast area of emptiness. Nothing in sight except a white desert, soft salt laden and spongy. The border security force informed me that the soil was their natural barrier. No vehicle or personnel could walk across into it for fear of getting sucked in to the earth due to its porous nature. The width of this Rann is about 100 kms and for those that dared to cross over, illegally it must be an exercise in extreme physical endurance.

A priest at the site tells me that the first city across the river used to be a place called Ram Ka Bazaar. Now after the formation of Pakistan, its been changed to Rahim Ka Bazaar, commonly referred to as RK Bazaar. Tales abound ! I cannot say that they remained authentic. Man has this ability to make convenient ‘changes’ !!

Change reminds me of those self propelled sms’s that keep filling up my mobile uninvited. Here is a gem -

” Umra bhar yahi bhool karte rahe..

Dhool thi chehere pe, aur aaina saaf karte rahe ” !!

Be the change you want to see in others.

The day ended at the Shaan-e-Sarhad restaurant in the middle of nowhere. Amid all the dry and endless expanse of wild shrubs called ‘ganda bawal’ the only food for the cattle, a small insignificant but most interesting concept has taken shape. A self appointed community system has built eco friendly ‘bungas’, or typical round walled huts with mud and cow dung, where a large amount of foreign tourists are descending yearly during the winter. These huts are hand made using local mud materials for its structures, are cool inside during the oppressive heat and warm when the temperatures drop during December. I noticed the men in this region all wear colorful ‘pathanies’ the ‘salwar kameez’ combination that I wear most of the time with a colorful scarf draped across their shoulders and the women – well take a look …

So much ingenuity, culture and art handicraft. Is it any wonder then why we lament the fact that this great country of ours has so much to offer and not enough being done to channel it in an efficient manner.

Mr Modi the Chief Minister of the state has appealed to all during the golden jubilee of Gujarat, 50 years of its formation, for Swarnim Gujarat to individually devote 100 hours of their time towards social service. If what I am doing in the promotion of tourism in the state can be termed as social service I am happy that I shall be devoting more than a hundred hours towards this cause.

While on the topic of the Indus river, let me also tell you of another great city, Lakhpat. This is where the Sikh Guru,  GuruNanak Dev ji spent some time before going across to Sindh. Indeed in the city even now they have his ‘khadaun’ or wooden slippers preserved for posterity and for worship.

What an immensely rich land those that invaded it encountered. Attack upon attack the ravaged inhabitants and the land, fought for its sovereignty, its dignity and its survival. Each invasion left us bereft of our heritage our wealth and our unique culture. But never did we turn back or bend or submit. We were ruled by others, exploited and subordinated into servility, but we fought back. We are an independent nation today that has rebuilt its strengths and its presence in todays world. It is the moral duty of us all to maintain the level of commitment towards this cause. May we rid ourselves of all those elements that weakened us in front of our foes. May we admire and respect and honor what providence and nature and our ancestors left behind for us. May we fill ourselves with pride in our possessions – the possessions of this the most beautiful land in the universe !!

Amitabh Bachchan

May 30, 2010
Day 768

Bhuj, Gujarat,                        May 29, 2010                     Sat/Sun  12 : 34 AM

Damn ! the alarm did not go off at the appointed hour and that had severe repercussions ! Charged off as I was to the shoot ! Nothing embarrassingly wrong with that, but still ..

It was still dark as we steadily made our way through barren roads. The police pilot GP flashing its orange rotator light ahead and behind, more security – we are just a ‘rann’ away from the Pak territory !! Moon was out shining at 6 in the morning and the entire region looked surreal. There is something uncanny about nothingness. That is what one felt as one strutted about on the salt laden muddy terrain, the wind so harsh even the vanity van shook and quivered.

Within a couple of hours around 8 AM it was beginning to indicate to us what the rest of the day would be like in the sun, and the very thought of it was frightening. So we did what was best done. Wrapped for the morning to assemble again by the evening. And so we did and so we did. The normal general look and then the traditional as far as the clothing goes.

The script flew away from my hands as I was reading it and a couple of unit hands sillily ran after it as it bounced away at rapid speed. It was a strange site. A white stark bunch of papers flying off ahead chased by a couple of unit hands, until they became a tiny spot in the horizon and still no where near catching up with the sheet of paper. Until …smart production incharge Mr Kumar did his deed for the day – got on to a bike, readily accessible there as the only machine transport allowed on the Rann and drove off behind paper.

We looked at this site with great amusement and jeered as this chase kept unfolding in front of us, wary of course with the fact that any longer and paper and Kumar would become prized possessions of Pakistan !! We are really just 60 kilometers away from the border… and it can be seen across the Rann !!

That over, shoot over, we are back in the room and turning in early for tomorrow on another early start. In schedule and somewhat satisfied with the results the crew seemed content. The ladies looked less worried. The director, Shoojit of Johnny Mastana fame, gave his typical reserved look and the decorated camels pounced about in the breeze.

Breeze or strong wind was incessant but not quite as strong as in Jomsom in Nepal when we were shooting for Khuda Gawah. That wind was awesome. You could actually lie back on it while standing and catch a few winks !! Incredible !!

Power ‘s gone off !! Will post and slumber and remember in the number ..

Breathe in the Rann of Kutch !! Come breathe in a bit of Gujarat !

Avo jo !!

Amitabh Bachchan

May 29, 2010
Day 767

Bhuj, Kutch, Gujarat                           May 28, 2010                          Fri  10 : 06 PM

As you take off from the other runway out of CSI Airport, the thermals from the heated earth beat against the Boeing 737-800, and shake you about till the pre monsoon clouds clear away and the blue of the sky welcomes a modest stability.

Over the Arabian Sea, on to the Kutch peninsula and finally Bhuj, dry, windy, arid and Air Force station armed, one looks down upon the passing land with awe and wonder. Miles and miles of grey brown muddy landscapes, dried rivers and ocean tributaries making their limited invasions into the mainland appear as though painted by hand on a large and unending canvas.

The airport in Bhuj has been newly constructed. The devastation from the horrible earthquake when the entire city was destroyed looms largely from each corner. A sizeable posse of government administration meets me at the aircraft and as we clutch all our loose belongings in the storm like wind conditions, we make our way gingerly to the exit amongst hundreds of locals who have, armed with their mobile cameras and waving screaming hands, gathered outside to give me a warm welcome a la Garvi Gujarat style !!

I feel blessed and honored that even in this remote corner of my country there are still some who show affection. Some who still value a contribution that I may have been able to make in my career. For, events that unfold at times, give you that impression that we are indeed of no great substance or worth. Anyway, that is another story.

A farm house accommodation has been prepared, 7′ feet bed and all !! A photograph of it has reached the front pages of the media. A bed, in the front page of the media ?!! The less said the better.

I check in and check first the internet connect. It works, albeit slowly, but it works. And as soon as that is confirmed in my mind I trundle off to the shoot. Different costumes, different looks, first impressions all keep pouring out until finally when they dress me up in the traditional Kutch i costume, the smiles and expressions of the entire creative team seems to spread wide and far.

Abhishek PINGS from Istanbul about Bhuj, about his first shot ever that he gave in the city location for his very first film Refugee and that feeling of nostalgia that seems to overcome him.

Bhuj or is it Kutch, is the largest district in India and Gujarat produces the largest quantity of salt in the country, about 80%. And the major portion of that salt is made in Bhuj. Over dinner the administration talks about the various sites of importance that the state possesses and how promoting tourism would bring out that one aspect of the region which is not heard so frequently of.

Abhishek PINGS again to inform me that the food is delicious in the city. I wonder if I would get time to go to one of these restaurants – ordinary common man settings, but exceptional quality of food. May be not.

I am stationed here for a while and then shift to the other regions, but the interest of the campaigns and its benefits have already started trickling in. My next stop after a few days will be with the lions in the Gir Forests and a major hotel chain owner had opened a facility there and closed it for lack of visitors. Coming to learn of my visit he has informed the authorities that they start business again ; an anticipatory action expecting trade to go up. Happy !

The 7′ specially built slumber facility awaits me in the adjoining room, as I endeavor to send to you a small flavor of the day …

From Kutch with my prayers and love ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 28, 2010
Day 766 (i)

Prateeksha, Mumbai                            May  27, 2010                           Thu  11 : 46 PM

That little snippet was, as I said, an attempt to understand the business of editing on this Mac and it is an attempt as you may well notice. Gradually with greater time being spent on the iMovie and Any DVD Convert software we shall have a better result.

I have no reason for it, but for some strange reason I went and sat in my Father’s room this morning. No thoughts, no specific reason, just …

It could be the result of the interview I did with the French newspaper Le Monde and its correspondent Julien, where we talked extensively about poetry and the oncoming festival at the Paris Theatre du Ballet on the Champs Elysees. Julien made a pertinent observation as we spoke. He said when I shifted my speech from a response to a reference to my Father’s poems, my face gathered a different look, it lit up in a show of exuberance. The spark in the eyes he said became more involved and attentive.

I would imagine this would be something that would naturally happen, if it were to concern my Father. The recitation of his thoughts would have to be in the spirit of his own renditions. And with that would be the obvious translation of his mind into the expression of his thoughts and words. My Father has often said that those that read my works should not try to find me in them, but find themselves in his poetry. And that I believe would have to be the ultimate truth of all written work. Words which express an image a thought or incident, often reflect what the writer wishes to say. And I would imagine that when he composes his thoughts, they would in a sense convey his own person. But great writing would have to be viewed by readers as one that created an atmosphere, where the reader felt that it was him that was involved with the situation.

I wonder how many of you would concur.

The little wonder from South Africa, Fatima, expresses distress on why she has not been credited with the fact that it was on her insistence that the snippet on the Sunday evening crowds was put up. What one has to do to keep up with the FmXt .. I tell ya’ !! Ha

Its the first leg of the campaign shoot for Gujarat Tourism from tomorrow and travel in the morning hours to various locations shall occur. My friend Balki, director Cheeni Kum and Paa, sends me a warning about the excessive heat in the region and how I need to take great precaution, since two of his friends who were on a visit there had to be hospitalized, due to sunstroke ! He advises I keep the liquids flowing every 10 mins ! The shoot is going to be grueling and many distant places shall be covered. But my only concern is whether there shall be internet facility at some of the remote locations. I must write my blog every night, even if I have to drive a 100 kilometers to get a line !!

Is it just me or does clutter around your desk seem to form a desired look ? If it does have value, may I say just this, that my clutter is atrocious and the subject of debate, anger and exasperation. There is always an attempt by those that suddenly descend upon you to clean up and regulate the place. There is always much consternation, but I guess its just something that one ignores and lives with.

I visited the great Satyajit Ray at his residence once in Kolkata, after spending some time at the editing he was doing for a recent film of his and noticed that the clutter around his personal room was the largest and most aesthetic that I had ever seen. A piano lay under some book rubble, papers, drawings, magazines, books and books, odds and ends of material – an entire lifetime around where he sat and worked ! Incredibly fascinating and in a peculiar way, quite enjoyable. The amazing part though of this wonderful visual of designated paper work was his ability to get up suddenly and fetch a book or paper that he was looking for. Or a small piece of paper with its scribbling, floating around in the heat of the day. Genius’s do have a way with words and ideas . And then .. his booming voice ,  ’AMITABH KAMON !! We must work together one day “.

That day never came. He was keen to make a film on the gas tragedy of Bhopal and spoke to me on several counts. Nothing ever came of it, but I did win a compensation when he asked me to do the voice over and partial commentary for his film ” Shatrang ke Khiladi”

The work piles up and the clutter as well. Hopefully there will be some relief on his ..

Hopefully,

Amitabh Bachchan

May 27, 2010
Day 766

After an entire morning of learning how to edit a DVD on my own, have finally managed a little snippet.

This is me in the red SUV coming into my house Jalsa on a Sunday evening. And this is a recurring scenario every Sunday, every evening. Then waving to the crowds accepting their love and affection, in my track suit and skull cap.
The security having a tough time keeping the crowds from charging in. As I had mentioned a few days back.
More later..
Love for now ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 27, 2010
Day 765

Prateeksha, Mumbai                           May  26/27,  2010                            Wed/Thu  1 : 54 AM




I sit and think,

Of ways to blink

Of ways to close the day.

There is none their

Who can compare

Life’s all encompassed fray ..

Someone asked me on the Twitter a short while ago whether I wrote poetry. I told him no because my Mother always said ” One poet in the family is enough !”. Before starting the blog for today I wondered as I often do, what might be the topic for discussion on this day. And I said to myself, lets try something. If it happens it happens.

And it did happen, above, in the short lines I wrote. Written out of no where, without any meaning or cause. Just some words tumbled out and then you realize its a poem. It has no meaning or sense, but just because it is written in rhyme and sounds somewhat philosophical, it may attract the baby and the the enchanted mind.

The baby for its simplicity of thought, the mind for it to look enchanted.

The baby and simplicity. True and practical when it comes to perform them, but sit with them and they shall enthrall you for long hours. Let loose a child for a few hours in a room or a house. A child a baby. And let there be an adult that imitates every move of the baby.

Guaranteed that the baby will survive an entire day, but not the man. Which in all practices gets us to believe that the ‘child is the father of Man’

I was once pushed on to the stage in College during an impromtu moment of debate. My subject was given when the previous speaker comes on board. You therefore have just about time to think up an answer, say 5 mins, and then your name is announced and you are up at the podium speaking about the topic given a few minutes back.

Nervous and uncertain about what may have been given to me to speak about, I glance through this little bit of paper that has been handed to me and it says -

Your topic for the evening is ” Child is the Father of man “. And other than fumble through a lasting effect by hanging around, I mumble this story of the keeper and the kid and finish as abruptly as I should . General laughter, a few claps and off the stage, having achieved nothing ..

But does child become the Father of man ever in reality ? Does he go through deployment of his medical, maintain their gun they wish to use … after 6 am presently.

The converse can happen  too. Jitesh and Navrang demonstrate that when the time for it … appears !! Most of the time it is incorrect and if I am not taken away tend to scream an adjustment. I would too, given my circumstances.

And then one fine day they shall be on the streets, struggling, facing hard ships, learning all that one is not supposed to react to.

If ever instability were to overcome us, even at adulthood, I wonder would there be a time when you could call ourselves the   Father of our children”

In love with all and with the time – 3:02 AM

Good night and good dreams …

Amitabh Bachchan

May 27, 2010
Day 764

Jalsa, Mumbai                        May 25, 2010                       Tue  7 : 52 PM

The ride back from Pune was pleasant. For a while we did not put the air conditioner on and it really did not seem to bother anyone in the car. This drive after the monsoons shall become an entirely unique experience simply because of the change in the environment that takes place. The dry and desolate fields and hills, the planters on the highway dividers, trees that mark the edges of the run, shall all become transformed as if by magic, into the most lush and green vegetation you can ever put your eyes on. But till then …

The throbbing from the damaged tooth remained throughout the drive and I wondered if I would be able to last out till I got into the dentists chair. But I did and the procedure was conducted without any event. In fact without even the most minimum of pain. But that was the anesthetic. Now as it wears off, the throbbing returns and the pain killers shall be resorted to, to somehow bring respite for the next couple of days.

Pain ! An integral part of our existence. An existence that were we not to face, we would be handicapped. Pain is relative. It has various degrees of its presence. What could seem large to me could be gentle to another, and the other way round as well. Complaining about it will never ease or bring relief. Many think it does. Letting it all out at the moment of its feeling, is a beneficial trait and exercise. Women have it. Not the men. Women will scream it all out and then it is over. There is actual relief after. Many a time it is the recommended act. Men tolerate it and make effort not to show it. Perhaps such an act challenges their manhood. They are the strong ones and for them the tolerance of pain must be endured, preferably with a smile. I feel it destroys your insides if one keeps it within. Let it all out and there is a physical transformation, virtually. Researchers now state that the woman is the stronger species. I would never want to argue that one. They are …

But pain comes in various categories, shades and rank. Emotional pain could never be overshadowed with say its physical counterpart. Or so some believe. The physical destroys the body in a more material way. The emotional demolishes from within and is, I would reckon, more dangerous. But each have their own scripting and execution and each have their own independent remedies. Remedies that may never have common cure. Pain then, is eternal and will be around for a while …

I have always wondered, and I do that quite often, how the doctors when they treat patients are able to describe to them exactly what will happen after a particular treatment is given.

You shall now feel a gentle prick in your gums, it would be like me pinching your hand and then another and thats it. Give it ten minutes and you will feel your jaw and tongue getting heavy. I shall open up your tooth, sanitize it with laser, couple of minutes, and then shall fill it all up and its over. After two hours the pain will appear and shall be with you for at least three days. No food now, not because the tooth will be disturbed, but because your tongue is dead. And you may while you eat, bite your tongue because it does not have any sensation and drops around your teeth !! Eat from the other side, no solids today, a week later all should be normal.

I mean, how does he have all these details pat. Does he, or do they, go through practical lessons independent of the patient. How would they know what sensation will happen when and the timings of it. Intrigues me. But there it is and they are always bang on !!

And bang on is the intensity of my pain right now as the tablet and the anesthetic both seem to fail. I want my original tooth back ! I want to be normal again .. !! Ha ha .. getting a little stupid .. but pain does make one that ..

My love to all and my prayers for peace and fulfillment ..

May 25, 2010
Day 763

Pune                         May  24, 2010                  Mon  11 : 41 PM


Pawan Pipalwa got married today and on this auspicious day we all wish him the very best of married life, of togetherness and understanding and of love ..

Through the early morning rush of the great metropolis of Mumbai we speed through to get to Pune for a function to be held at the National Defence Academy. The institute which has remained a favorite of mine has invited me to address the cadets and officers, prior to their passing out in another week.

It is a long drive, albeit comfortable and without too many hindrances so one gets the time to reflect and catch that which has been untouched for some time. Like wanting to learn the ropes of twittering through the mobile BlackBerry.

Here there is limited success. And just when I am about to scream out my achievement, the office informs me that Airtel, the mobile company whose sim card I carry on my BB has a major glich and shall be shut for 3 hours !!

It is still pre monsoon and the earth and plants are dry and arid. The sun too beats down even at this early hour with merciless severity. The morning papers are read and marked, the speech rehearsal is indulged in, a stop over at the  euphemism (??) is conducted with hordes of people suddenly all wanting to use the facility, and then finally Pune in less than 3 hrs.

Major Manoj Kumar from the NDA comes in at 5 to leave at 6:12 pm for Khadakwasla, the Academy location. This is the army remember, 6:12 is adhered to and precisely at 7 pm the vehicle with us on board pulls up in front of Habibullah Hall of the institute, Vice Admiral Satish Soni, Commandant NDA, standing along with other officers and 2 smartly turned out cadets who march us in with great aplomb.

The hall is filled up with light blue shirted cadets and officers, red tie d, hair trimmed to perfection standing now as though on parade silent at attention, motionless.

I am led on to the stage by these two patrolling cadets who make me feel as though I were some commandant of the forces, or worse, some head of state. The chair on the podium,like some grand throne, seems embarrassing for me to sit on, but protocol insists that I do and so, I do.

The uniformity, the discipline and the sheer obedience of command that prevails inside is so precise, that it can only inspire awe within me. And would have inspired awe in any other, had they been there. I attempt to post some pictures -

The group of cadets that we see after the function at dinner are the ones that topped the course and shall be decorated at the Passing Out Parade within a week, sent to the Military Academy in Dehradun and then commissioned.

At the podium and the speech I tried to make it introspective and strong. Emphasizing my own like for discipline -

Some snippets ….

‘It would be a travesty against your honour but to speak plainly here among you. You are the ultimate guardians of our nation, our culture, our civilisation. As guardians, you are not only trained as preservers of our peace, but also as warriors for our battle. You are not only trained to protect life, but to take life, and give your own. Your vocation is our life and our death, both collectively and individually.’

‘The hard truth of the matter is that the military is the formal institution of the state for the conduct of violence. The military in a democracy is the formal institution of the state for the conduct of legitimate violence.’

‘We can only have good government of a nation if its individuals first govern themselves well, follow the script of citizenry. Good government is thus mirror to good self-government. This brings good citizenship for all. And to be that citizen is to understand the value of self-discipline.’

‘Since ancient times, in a Democracy, the blueprint for human flourishing has always been that of the citizen-soldier, wherein freedom and self-discipline can only exist if allied to each other in the most strenuous embrace.’

‘Forgive me if I repeat myself, but I cannot impress upon you strongly enough the importance of self-discipline to the flourishing of our country and its freedoms. I would go to the extent of wishing your training as compulsory for all of us, for civilian life.’

‘Think carefully: there is a vast gulf between those two statements, because of one word: legitimacy.

The authority of legitimacy is given by that democracy, invested in you. It is given over on behalf of its citizens to you. It is a sacred responsibility and its weight that you have vowed to carry is the heavy burden of the exalted. It is a grave and noble endeavour when directed accordingly. When not, without legitimacy, it is tyranny.’

‘You of the National Defence Academy, you are exemplary model to our whole culture. In you, the example has been set.

For this reason, I here take the opportunity to remind you that as much as you are soldiers, you too are citizens of a dream.’

‘I spoke earlier of dreams. I spoke that both you and I share a common purpose in the pursuit of dreams. That dream which you have undertaken to perform for the sake of others is the dream of a democratic republic. The dream of democracy for our nation is the dream of a benevolent justice, a fairer and more equitable life for all citizens.

We have a dream. It is a dream of India.’

‘For ultimately, one doesn’t fight best for one’s country as a sheer geographical entity. One fights best for what that country stands for, for its dream.

And I want to see a great dream, a higher one, a stronger dream among us. I want to push that founding dream of Independence and take it further: march on it, sail it, fly with it. Inheritors as we are of long and magnificent civilizations, I want us to merit their legacy, to aim to meet their distinction, even surpass them if we can. This requires the kind of vision from us that may strain the imagination. Inheritors as we are of our own great civilizations, we now have the potential to reach beyond to the wider world to find that vision.’

‘For our world is now truly a global one, and now, more than ever before, the wealth of all its civilisations is our oyster. Its rich pearls are ours to partake in as we choose: they are ours to share.’

‘Think about it: I would like to put an example to you of what I mean.

Democracy itself was indeed a kind of ‘import’ to India to begin with. We looked out, beyond our shores, and saw that it was good. We took the good in it and made it our own, and the largest democracy on earth at that. If we have the cultural confidence to do such a thing, may we reach further, and again, for more.

The dream of democracy came from the world of the Ancient Greeks into modernity. It was imported and re-vamped first to Enlightenment Europe. Then the United States of America imported it for their own use and re-shaped it to their own needs, re-exporting it again back to Europe, where again it was adapted, and from there, to the rest of the world. Quite a circuitous route. Do we, now, think of democracy in India as a foreign imposition, an alien import? If so, from where, exactly? No: we claim it as our own.

But let us return to Ancient Greece for a moment, to another speck of dust that lodged itself in the shell of a civilisation, and encrusted, turned jewel.’

‘I would like to tell you a martial story that will amaze you. It is of Pergamon, an Ancient Greek civilisation that existed on the shores of present-day Turkey. This story is known because of a war memorial they left behind. It was to celebrate a victory over invading Celts, and they erected this monument at the very centre of their great city, before the temple to their gods. It consisted of a series of figures struggling against their mortal wounds, their accoutrement of war still in hand. They were beautiful, noble and defiant until their dying end. These figures of war, these warriors, were given the ultimate prize, immortalised in sculpture for the ages, to be held up above the citizenry in remembrance of their greatness.’

‘But here is the rub; here is what startles: these great warriors are depictions of the Celts, their enemy in battle, over whom the Pergamenes were soundly victorious.’

‘Think upon it, it is extraordinary. These people of Pergamon immortalised their enemy in noble memorial. These people were strong enough, confident enough in their own culture, to remember their own victorious dead by saying, “Our enemy was great and noble and died with dignity. In our victory over them, so we are all the greater, all the nobler, all the more dignified.”  ’

‘To vilify one’s foe is to fear them: it ultimately dehumanizes both parties equally. True victory over one’s enemy is to conquer such fear. Fear and wrath: they blind, they betray good judgment, they poison the noble spirit. Pergamon did not make monsters of their enemy to defeat them: these were a people strong enough to acknowledge the dignity and humanity of their sworn foe despite war and death, for they knew that to make monsters of the enemy is to become monstrous oneself. Their victory was greater.’

‘The measure of true greatness of an individual, as much as of a country, is to understand this truth. Against such greatness, no adversary can ever win out, no other civilisation can overcome such a fatal embrace.’

‘I urge you to keep this example in mind in the present climate of fear against terrorist threat from within, and threat to our borders from without. If we are afraid, feel under threat, then we are already gravely weakened, for fear is the most powerful weapon an enemy can possess. Reflect upon the Pergamenes and their cultural confidence. Their greatest valour was the overcoming of such fear. We can do the same, we must do the same, if we want to win out.’

‘You in the Armed Forces have a more specific power, as the formal and embodied institution of the state for the conduct of legitimate violence.

The wisdom of force is that it is always more powerful as an idea, a potential, than an actuality. And force is always most powerful when it is has moral worth: legitimacy. The justice of good character as a moral entity is the greatest of disciplines in such a context. It is to marshal the mind to clarity against chaotic fear. It is to direct the heart to virtuous endeavour without wrath. It is to act with such a mind and heart. And that justice of good character then becomes an end in itself.

If we need you to protect our national character, then we need you more characterful than most.

If we need you to protect our civilisation, then we need you more civilized than most.

If we need you to protect our humanity, then we need you more humane than most.

If we need you to protect our dream of a nation, then we need you more idealistic than most.’

‘You are the elite of our military establishment. You will soon take up the grave weight of guarding its ethos. The very nature of your position as officers will require you not only to perform orders, but to make them.

As much as you have learned from your time here at the National Defence Academy, so it will be your duty to teach its lessons to those who perform your order. To command, to lead, is to educate, and through that education, bring true and enduring inspiration to those who follow you. The duty of all education is to pass it on. Pass it on, and you will bring honour with you, wherever you venture.’

‘I trust you to look to your own insignia, the symbol of the National Defence Academy, for there you will constantly re-discover your own meaning, value, inspiration. There you will find our dream, and your own as well.

The depiction of all three services – the crossed swords, the anchor and the Himalayan eagle – therein demonstrates the equality of camaraderie, fellowship, in fact, fraternity. The Ashoka capital, the symbol of ancient India and our new republic at once, remembers the persistence of our great civilisation and civilizing culture, and your vow to uphold it. ‘Sevo paramo Dharma’ is your dignity.

But the point of the symbol is in its unity. The unity of the mind, the body and the spirit; the individual and the collective; the dream and the actuality of legitimate violence; our past, our present, our future. The balance of parts that makes the whole.

Democracy itself only works to our benefit when it mirrors this unity: when we are a commonwealth of citizens and we understand the necessity of the balance of our various parts. Your unity of the Armed Forces likens the mind to the unity of Liberty, Equality and Fraternity as the core of a democracy: each one can only exist and flourish in relation to the other two parts.

So symbols harness our manifold thoughts together in contemplation.

But symbols also teach. And they don’t just teach once. They teach perpetually, through the ages. Remember your symbols, hold them sacred, revere them, for their meaning endures beyond our own brief mortality. We are all humble before them and equal in humility, for meaning is what endures before us and beyond us: it is our greatest heritage and will be our greatest legacy.

Symbols teach us to be ourselves, to remain ourselves, to endure ourselves, to act ourselves, to perform ourselves, together.

Your insignia, your emblem, that of the Academy, is not finished with you yet, though many of you will soon depart to your separate futures. Keep your emblem close, and you will be taught again and again. Being taught, so you must go out and teach by word and example, for when you leave the Academy, you become part of that insignia, symbol yourselves.’

‘Your duty, your dharma, is not a given. It is not any particular order, directive, institution, structure. The military can give you your vocation in life, meaning, cause, so many other things of untold value. But as an individual, your dharma is ultimately your own duty alone and you will forever be answerable to your own conscience: it is your ultimate judge of merit as a human being.’

‘You have your duty as a military officer. More so you have your duty as a citizen of India. But ultimately, you have your duty as a human being. Your greatest duty is to live all three together with good conscience, in good character, and daily, with vigilance. It is a formidable task for any of us, but the good one, the right one, the path of dignity.

Then you will serve yourselves, your profession, and your country as one.

This is our dream. Be it, live it, do it. ‘


…. And then ending it all with the inspirational ‘AgniPath’.

I felt proud. I felt statesmanlike. I felt I missed being in such an institute !!

Major Mohan Kumar, who was put in charge of receiving and dropping me off was a qualified ex cadet of the institute, now brought down through recognized qualification to conduct activities among the cadets – a position of great envy, I am told. This is a prestige appointment and the Major felt happy and proud to be worthy to be positioned back. He had served with distinction in Kashmir fighting the insurgents and narrated many incidents of him and his team on mission. But the one that alarmed me most was the revelation, that, the army follows a given ethical code of warfare, even when they fight intruders. The insurgents do not wear uniform and therefore do not qualify as an army as such. But if they carry a weapon then the army has the right to attack them. However, the ethics in civilian war of this kind is that they are not to open fire until the enemy does so. So the forces wait in the most difficult terrain and circumstances till such act occurs. The other factor is that if the militant after opening fire were to drop his weapon, the army cannot attack him, for he, because of his disposition, then becomes a civilian and the civilian as per ethics of the armed forces cannot be attacked or fired upon. The ultimate results therefore are that the army become sitting ducks almost at the guile and mercy of the insurgent. The loss of personnel, officers and jawans of the forces then becomes an imminent factor for consideration. We lose our men in these grave circumstances, in excess of what they would, in fair and rightful warfare.

What an unfair disadvantage !!

It has been unfair too on my part to have kept you so long and in such severe circumstances.

Rest well dear ones … for me the night at 1:42 is still young and … twitterable !!

Love and much much more .. salut`e



May 24, 2010
Day 762

Prateeksha, Mumbai                          May  23/24,   2010                         Sun/Mon  12: 11 AM

Aishwarya got back from Chennai after the shoot for ‘Robot’, safe from cyclone ‘Laila’, but obviously distressed about Mangalore and the crash, as we all are still. The graphic descriptions of the incident still being played out almost outdoing each other in each channel, is not going down well and watching Tv has been put off. Are there not better ways of presenting the tragedy. Is it really necessary to keep giving us repeatedly mock visuals of how it went down and what each grieving relative expresses in this hour of great personal tragedy.

I have often wondered what the conversation and thinking must be in the minds of those that cover events such as this -

” Get that burning shot and the smoke from the plane !”

” Rush rush, there is a body being taken out, catch that quick, pan the camera to the relative as he recognizes the victim ”

” Get that shot of the morgue and the coffins being taken in ” !

” Speak to the victims relative, ask him how he is feeling “!

I really feel so absurd even imagining this rather conservative mock conversation, but the fact of the matter is that this and worse than this, is what transpires when the electronic covers an episode such as this. Not to mention of course the debates that get initiated by the chief anchors of the station, back in the studios.

I have not put on the Tv since and shall be most hesitant to do so in the days to come. Problem is, one cannot even use the remote. The same topic is on at the same time in all channels.

Most of the day has been spent in preparing for the visit and lecture at the National Defence Academy in Khadakwasla near Pune. It shall be a trip in nostalgia. Many years ago, I think maybe about 1996 we were all there to shoot for ‘Major Saheb’ with Sonali Bendre, Ajay Devgun and Nafisa Ali directed by Tinu Anand a AB Corp production and struggling in all the issues that film making rakes up. The company was struggling in its management. The legal law suits were piling up and all the possible problems that one can ever envisage all came down in one fell swoop. An absolute nightmare. It would not be wise to bring up all these matters now, for they were part of a period which has now been buried and forgotten. Suffice to say that they were not pleasant at all. But what a learning graph they provided for me. The times were difficult to face. They were full of pressures and embarrassments. But one chugged along. Plodding and plucking courage from nowhere, yet keeping a straight face, a straight back and a cool head.

The film gave me an opportunity of putting on the Army uniform, one that I enjoyed immensely and to mix with the cadets at the Academy and to be a part of their curriculum and routine. Those moments were most inspirational, for I have always had great respect and regard for our Armed forces. And this is because I do believe that if there are any institutions left in our country that can truly execute that most required ingredient of discipline within us, it is through the portals of institutions such as the NDA.

Alongside this and along with this has been the soft preparation for the event in Paris. Rehearsing in the quiet of my room, my office, my car as we drive to some distant location, everywhere.

There was time spent at the piano too. It does have therapeutic qualities. Takes one away into a world that is quiet and alone and different. I do not know how to play one, but a birthday gift some years ago placed one of those electronic ones which play on their own. It gives one the absolutely false impression of being in the same league as a Chopin, without even an iota of their talent. The good part is that there is no one around to contradict or challenge the ‘performance’ and so one lives in this false and make belief world, where we remain in a state of self aggrandizement.

The Sunday crowds were their in all their exuberance and joys, only this time their were two appearances. After the first one, within minutes, another mass assembled. So a double.

Fatima, the persistent one from South Africa wishes for a dvd upload for the Sunday meet and greet. She would like to see the visuals of this occurrence, just to be able to determine the actual feel of the crowds. And since I am in the throws of educating myself in the art of computer editing, it shall be a while before you will get to see how security looses its cap and badge and such stuff, controlling the crowds. It is sadly some what hilarious to see your members of the  secure brigade, getting pushed around. They are all, most generous and understanding, but beyond a limit they would all act up.

Tomorrow also we need to firm up Paris and the event, as also the root canal in the tooth. It is the firming up of the location here too, for tomorrow shall be an early start on the road to Pune, large butterflies and all.

Sleep well dearest ones and meet me fresh in the morning -

My love and more to all the forum that constitutes that the most coveted and  deserving trophy should be with them that struggle and strive, that have done so many penances and continue to do so.

Amitabh Bachchan

May 24, 2010
Day 761

Prateeksha, Mumbai                         May  22/23 ,  2010                      Sat/Sun  12 : 53 AM

A disturbing day, but one filled with passion. Passionate about the tragedy that overcomes us all in India as one of our craft crashes in Mangalore, a Western coastal region. Passionate about the written word, for speech and presentation in prestigious institutes. Passionate about ourselves and our ‘body of lies’. Passionate about the obsession of connectible desire and the need to get back to them after getting back here.

But in all this indulgence, a simple pattern – one that prompts us to think for ourselves first. A tragedy a accident and our thoughts first go to whether there were any of ours involved. Family, friends, people we know. And once that is cleared, the desire to express the right sentiment, in a public domain. Prayers for the departed, condolences to the bereaved family and a sympathy to those that suffered because of the disaster.

We are like this only.

I never realized how important an exercise it is to chose chairs for an office. Long lasting, reliable, giving comfort to the staff and yet be not too exaggerated. I prefer the good old days of lesser or in fact no options. When options are set, it is easy to delay or misbehave. But the value that was given then, is completely absent now.

You get particular kinds of office gear. Chairs that go up and down. Chairs that have provision for ventilation, that shift gears to help the disabled to get up and down, and so on.

Eventually it must be known that the chair is an important ingredient for house and home, as well as for the forces, or indeed for your own setting of a office. Staff sits and so staff must approve. Disapproval would result in inefficiency and perhaps too lazy an atmosphere. So considering all these factors the selection process is long and cumbersome, but all done with the intent of each others betterment.

The afternoon then in speech and preparation for the event in another day or something like that. And ending up the evening with Ram Gopal Varma and joining his enthusiasm towards the kinds of film he wishes to make and wishes for others to make.

Sleep severely induced I revisit every word that I write just to make sure that I make sense. Some one on the Tweet said because I am 6’4″ all that I am writing is a bouncer for them. A bouncer in bowling terminology is the ball bowled that travels above the head of the batsman, thereby making it extremely difficult for him to play it. Most talk then, which turns out to be not understandable is termed in normal conversation but using cricket jargon, as a ‘bouncer’ – no one saw it, nor touched it nor played it. Not understood.

I advise them to study the content hard and they shall find that it is really pretty simple. Some of the writing, because it comes from greats of mind and spirit, does tend to lie in the realm of difficulty. But great writing has never been pressurized into a closed compartment. It has the freedom to travel long and wide. Freedom to put across the simplest of thoughts in the most complicated manner and conduct him self in whichever way he turns, to be looked at with awe and inspiration. It is not an easy job to garner inspiration. Often a touch of complication adds to the search for being inspired.

I would like to believe then, that we present ourselves often in a complicated manner, only to gain that special recognition. It is a quality of living, of what you may think would be an ideal condition. But I would think otherwise. I have noticed that the most simplest of expressions, invigorate the most complex situations. That the simplicity of thought has gone on to make the deepest philosophical impressions. That is the value and worth of good written word. But more than that, it is the element of finding yourself in what another’s words extol, that really gives brilliance to it.

I doubt very much that some of the greatest works in the written world were deliberately written that they would one day be reference to greatness. No of course not. They were written because they gave satisfaction and pleasure to the person who wrote it. Its another matter that it went on to become legendary in content.

Ramu and I discussed this very aspect in the context of film. The films that are made with the intent to enjoy the experience of making something that you believed in, are the ones that eventually succeed. The moment we set about to make content by stating even before the start, that they were being made to accumulate a certain designated revenue, to get that first week end of capacity, to resell to cover the cost and on .. we are treading on very insecure ground. The creative content of film is designed to entertain them that will come to get entertained. It is not designed to please a moral or social cause that gives us internal and personal pleasure . Yet it would be safe to assume that forces of creativity that believe in the ‘other’, do have justification for it. They must pursue that sentiment. It is no way inferior as a product. It is just how one looks at it that makes the difference.

Ramu said, we made Rann with the explicit thought of wanting to get into the very basis of electronic media, and maybe we succeeded in doing so. But we never gave it a thought whether the people that enter the portals of that dark hall, wish to be educated on that. And there lies the error. Ram Gopal Varma and others like him may have made sensitive provocative soul searching films. But how did we ever perceive that the audience was coming in to search for their soul. They may not have. Which is what turns the box office table in another direction. The point of debate then arises whether we make creative products purely for the revenue, or does it carry other responsibilities too.  There will be many pro and against arguments on this, but at the end of the day the battle will be between how many eyeballs each attracted.

At a similar argument in Paris some time back I discovered that their method of judging success of a film is by the count of the number of people that went to see it, not what that number of people spent, to go and see particular film. I am tempted to go with the Paris argument and see how we can find a way of converting that method to revenue in order that costs are covered and worked out.

But this is an endless process of argument debate and opposing views. I do not think there could be a sensible sane procedure in place. And which is why the famous French adage looms largely in front of us today – vive la difference !!

Back to the twiterati then… it was a promise to return

Love and love and love to all

Amitabh Bachchan

May 23, 2010
Day 760

Prateeksha, Mumbai                        May  21,  2010                   Fri  11 : 56 PM

Dualism underlies the nature and condition of man. Every excess causes a defect ; every defect an excess. Every sweet hath its sour ; every evil its good. Every faculty which is a receiver of pleasure has an equal penalty put on its abuse. It is to answer for its moderation with its life. For every grain of wit there is a grain of folly. For every thing you have missed, you have gained something else ; and for every thing you gain, you lose something. If riches increase, they are increased that use them. If the gatherer gathers too much, nature takes out of the man what she puts into his chest ; swells the estate, but kills the owner. Nature hates monopolies and exceptions. The waves of the sea do not more speedily seek a level from their loftiest tossing, than the varieties of condition tend to equalize themselves. There is always some levelling circumstance that puts down the overbearing, the strong, the rich, the fortunate, substantially on the same ground with all others.

The balance of nature and of life. No where will their be the excess of one without the level of the other.What goes up shall come down. Nature devised gravity for this then to happen. When you rule to the ultimate success, you lose power too to be relegated to the back, to insignificance. Nature will devise it such that you may not ever have any option. The problem arises when the condition set by some unknown force, is challenged, is resisted to. And sadly, the greater the resistance, the steeper the fall. Harsh, uncompromising and ruthless. It is but this aspect of life that most never ever submit to. There is effort to fight it off with unforgiving bravado, through irresponsible challenge and selfish guile. But it does not work. It never will.

Close observation through the ages have demarcated guidelines for such an eventuality. When you follow them, life stumbles along albeit in some misery. When you do not it comes in hard and harshly. For some it breaks their resistance, for some others it leaves a lesson, and for some generally hardened, it does not make any difference which way the breeze shall be blowing.

I liken myself to the aspect that allows the breeze to take me where I am going and why. Here too, it shall either work or not. And that is the gamble that we as humans take each day. Many resist or should I say more improperly, desist.  A problem of this nature has cautioned me against all evil even if they were seemingly right. Eventually it shall all boil down to the fact that, I am my Father’s son and whatever I do or believe in will become the task or the compulsion of others too.

The day has been one of finding out the right choices for the work schedules, both of cinema and when there is possibility, of any other. A kind lady from Jaipur brings along a portrait she has made from semi precious stones and gold work of my parents’ wedding day. Most obliged for it. She had done one for Aishwarya earlier and we went into a tizzy as to where it could possibly be kept. There are other discussions too. But knowing their proximity to us, it may be prudent not to discuss it publicly. But if for some reason a stand has to be taken in a situation that may affect relationships, then we need to either follow someones advice, or not succumb to blackmail !!

The tweet flourishes and its immediacy is one that needs to be discussed plainly. That it is not happening, is fool hardiness. Accept it and live with an assurance that the pieces are being looked after and when they shall be in, I would strongly protect the legacy than any other. Such is the glimmer  of life, its encounters and eventuality.

And such too is the eventuality of todays blog. The key word is balance. In balance shall we find peace and forgiveness, harmony and seeming dissatisfaction ..

Be well and of spirit ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 21, 2010
Day 759

Jalsa, Mumbai                         May  20/21,  2010                      Thu/ Fri  12 : 29 AM

I have to admit that the distant country cousin Twitter, is turning out to be quite an experience. It is contagious. It invites without invitation and immerses you instantly. Its like being in an overcrowded congested room, where, because everyone is speaking all at the same time, it is difficult to hear your own voice – that is if you have one at all !!

So the moment the birds start their morning chirps and you start anticipating the alarm to go off, you actually hit the start button of the Mac to catch the latest Tweet. And all along as you drive to the gym and sweat it out on the machines you wonder when the routines will end so you could get back to the Tworld !

And as I write I can sense a retaliation building up among the FmXt, resenting this overt and sudden attention to the ‘other’ lady, forgetting the sincerity of the original and devoted Blog where it all started from. Rest assured dearest ones, this space was the first and shall always remain so. You were all the first and shall always remain so.

Its been an interesting morning. An eminent doctor from Mumbai an perhaps now retired and settled in Pune, has translated ‘Madhushala’, my Father’s epic of 1935 into Marathi and has come over through my house doctor to present it to me. For those that may not know, and who have interest in Hindi poetry and in particular of my Father’s, it would be of interest to know that the first translation of Madhushala ever was in Marathi. The Maharashtrian home has always had a culture of the classical – in music and in the written word. And it is not surprising that the very first rendition of the epic poem in translation was from this State and from this language, Marathi. The doctors version is another example of the ‘sanskriti’ that exists in this part of the world and for it to come from someone that dedicated his life to the medical profession, is not just unusual but most praise worthy. There is more though. The doctor has brought along with him the music director of the Marathi film that was selected for the Oscars as its official entry this year, Anand Modak and he has rendered a composition of the poem into music and wishes to bring out and album on it. I heard the dvd and found it interesting. Madhushala was presented in song the very first time it was recited by my Father, at the Benaras Hindu University around 1937 and it came from a tune that was composed by my Father on his own. It has remained the trade mark rendition since. HMV and Manna Dey brought it to verse and song and music again in the 80′s here in Mumbai and that cd remains the only professional recording to date. But if approved, this Marathi recording would be the second. When I shall perform in Paris in June, I intend to start the evening with the music and song of Madhushala sung personally and in keeping with my Father’s composition.

Later in the day though and almost coincidentally, a group of academicians from a local University come over to discuss and present to me, the work they had done in translating Madhushala in Sanskrit. This is most interesting and when completed would be exceedingly unique. I intend to approve after copyright formalities are done, to publish this work.

But Paris, and as the day for the performance draws near, builds butterflies as large as an eagle within the stomach. Some prayers and words of consolation from the FmXt, would be in order.

Aishwarya left this morning for Chennai right into the thick of the cyclone Laila which has now hit coastal Andhra and Tamailnadu. But she was safe and has started work on Robot with Rajnikant. I was most worried about the weather conditions, but thankfully all went well. Nature has such a distinct way of reminding us all the time that we are such insignificant pawns in their presence. It becomes imperative therefore that we respect it, preserve it and learn to live with its eminence.

My schedules are getting firmed up gradually and as I sense the calendar filling up, I get the impression that very soon I shall be slipping away into commitments that shall keep me occupied for months to come. Its good being occupied. I doubt if many others would consider that, fact. But you know at this age, its worth while getting up to fetch your own glass of water, your own lunch and every little daily chore that may have slipped the mind. Mobility is the word. Stop for a day and or even a few hours and the creaks and pains start to invade your system.

I notice that I am gradually slipping lower into the back rest of the bed, pushing my way through a number of soft pillows, to keep my eyes open and my mind fresh and spontaneous.

Little thin pillow has seen better days and has been removed from sight. Temporarily al be – it ..

Sleep well and in love -

Amitabh Bachchan

May 21, 2010
Day 758

Jalsa, Mumbai                      May 19, 2010                     Wed  11 : 39 PM


There is something about being in anticipation of something. As you sit or travel or brood there builds within you events and situations that remain in the realm of supposition. You imagine within yourself that if ‘this’ were to happen ‘that’ would take place. Or ‘what if’ this happened, then what would happen next.

As you get swayed by a flood of thoughts, the reality of it builds so many impressions, which finite or not, do begin to look as though they would fructify almost immediately. Most of the exercise, indulging in the material or emotional.

What if someone willed you 500 hundred million dollars, what would be done. The house, the cars, the clothing and jewelry, all start falling into place. So to with bonds of emotion.

If only I could get that one moment to hold ‘her’ hand, or that one in a million opportunity when ‘he’ would visit my home. And as you build these castles, they begin to take shape within you. Your demeanor changes. You start walking and talking as though they have all actually been acquired.

The wait then before they actually happen is the ‘anticipation’. And there shall always be ‘something’ in that. The tragedy, if it can be termed that, is that nothing ever happens !! Well at least not the way you were imagining it to happen. Thats the bad part. The good part is that, sometimes things happen which you had never anticipated to have happened. Which is why life is always a question mark. You never know when and which way it will turn.

The wife had some friends from her ‘girls’ circle over tonight – Bubbles Behl, wife of late Gogi Behl who made films with Jaya and me ; Jawani Diwani, Kasme Vaade, Pukar; Mother to Goldie Behl close buddy of Abhishek and who directed him in a few – Hiroo Johar wife of late Yash Johar and Mother to Karan Johar ; and no further bio needs to be given on her – Champa Doshi, close friend. And even though I am excluded from the general conversation that occurs in one corner of the house, the dining table gets everyone together in one space.

There are discussions on food, and cooks and materials used to cook various foods and other food places, places with a history of good food. Of weight gains and the excesses of good food. Of other compatriots, in the female gender and their weight gains and the loss of it due to the foods they devoured …

Food, then was the only discussion .. until Mrs Johar brings back old memories of shoots of days gone by when Yashji was alive, of films made under their banner, of intrigue and issues, and the eventual joys.

I had done ‘Dostana’ with Dharma Productions, his production company and this its first banner film –  Salim Javed script, Zeenat Aman, Shatrughan Sinha – and we talked, well actually she talked I listened to the days spent in Ooty during the out doors of the film and a host of memories came rushing back. The Savoy Hotel, cute old world charm, wooden floors and fireplaces in the evening to fight off the mountain cold and our escapades therein. The director Raj Khosla, a great exponent of his craft and the maker of several important and successful films. Methodical, controlled, great sense of music and a great sense of how it should be shot for film. Started his career as an assistant to the master Guru Dutt  and worked along with him in the immortal ‘Kaagaz ke Phool’.

And as she narrated event after event I reminisced the days spent there in the beautiful Nilgiri Ranges of Ooty, short for Ootycamund, now changed to its original from before the British – Udhagamandalam. Guess the Brits found it beyond their linguistic capacity to get the Tamil or Dravidian pronunciation right !

The flight to Coimbatore an air force base and its restrictions. The drive up the hills finally emerging at our destination. The picturesque hills, not too steep, but rolling about in smooth curves about it. The British Sahebs came up here when the plains became too hot for their countenance, and brought along with them their favorite pastime of hound hunting and horse racing. One of the Maharajas had built the perfect hunting lodge there, Fernhill, now a sprawling Hotel and the number of films that have been shot there is beyond counting. Its no longer a resort, its a studio, almost. The place and the locations came about as a just replacement for troubled Kashmir and never were there less than a few productions working out of Ooty. It was like what I had described our days in Srinagar earlier. For the Southern Film fraternity this was their Kashmir. Traveling for them all the distance up north, when they could get what they required in their own state of Tamilnadu, was a preferred option. So Do aur Do Panch, Hum, Dostana, Aakhri Raasta, Mard, Shakti, Khuda Gawah, Shahenshah… oh dear the list is endless .. all done in beautiful Udhagamandalam !! And my most endearing memory – little Abhishek 4 or perhaps 5 years in age, two middle fingers in mouth dressed in his mini overcoat, sitting by the side of the shooting spots with a dazed expression on his face, wondering what in heavens name his Father was up to !!

Ah ! Ooty, with the continuous smell of pine and eucalyptus about, the unique folk dress and metal jewelry worn abundantly by the ladies that worked in the land and the forests. The fog and early morning mist floating past your Hotel window into the bedroom. The early morning drives to locations of exquisite beauty. The pristine lakes and the ‘downs’ which must have reverberated during the time of the Raj, with the sound of the horns as an entire posse of riders, dressed in their finery chased the hunted beasts led by an entire brigade of anxious hounds. And then those private moments, never to be forgotten -

Nirupa Roy, who played Mother to me in almost all my films getting injured during the shoot for Mard and I cleaning her feet and putting on a dressing on the cut wound, and she blessing me. Now no longer with us.

Smita Patil – that fiesty yet soft hearted friend, sitting in the car with me as we waited for the rain in an outdoor song sequence on Shakti to subside, playing with her camera. A great enthusiast for photography she sat there and much to my amazement opened up the entire camera into all the little parts, cleaned them and assembled them all back again. So impressed with her. She too gone. Now no longer with us.

Life is ‘such a question mark. You never know when and which way it will turn.’

Amitabh Bachchan

May 19, 2010
Day 757

Jalsa, Mumbai                       May  18,  2010                       Tue  6 : 45 PM


So as I try to come on early this late afternoon, I am overwhelmed by the amount of excitement that gets generated by the twitter brigade. Goodness !! It is a different world altogether. Millions and millions of us reaching out, talking, informing, connecting in an endless ocean of cybernous ! But look at it dispassionately and you will find the incredible effort humans make to get together, to know, to hold, to give, to receive. The cyber space has done a marvel. may it continue to flourish and prosper and may it develop new avenues for all of us to come together on similar platforms, to dwell and think alike, to consider alike  the consequences that we miss through separation and barriers and boundaries. Barriers of difference, barriers of hate and anger, barriers of different beliefs and hence alienation.

Many wonder why I connect on the different mediums. There are many now in my pocket, virtually. The Blog, the MoBlog, Bachchan Bol,Twitter and soon perhaps the visual through Google if it all works out. They say I wear myself too thin. Many accuse me of taking on any and every opportunity that is offered to me. That it is harmful and destructive to be in such situation. That the management of my life and career is faulty.

I accept all their suggestions, their wisdom and their concern. I am certain they say it out of deep love and affection and of a sincerity that can only be looked upon as a benefit. But every individual is an island, alone, isolated and disconnected from the mainland. Their survival is based and guided by what they individually and singularly design for themselves. One that remains under their control and guidance. They know best what is right and what is wrong. Where repair needs to be done and where not. That is the ultimate truth.

I will acknowledge and accept from others only if they vouch to be in the shoes that I wear. In the distances that I walk in them, through rough and ride. In the face-offs that I experience, the rebukes and the challenges. And finally in the outcomes that my effort made or did not.

As I work determinedly at keeping my body in motion over technical equipment that moves and exercises for you, I observe over the electronic, masses and masses of information that pours out every second. None of it is worthy of spending time over. Each episode is built as though it were to be the end of the world. And I wonder. Is there no where that some good is being done. Is there no where where there is a moment of peace and thought. Where there is love and happiness. Where we reach out to build character and nation. Is it all so despondent, dispirited and despairing ??

And then I return to my EF and a new world opens. A world that speaks from the heart, with concern and care and custom. And “I say to myself – what a wonderful world …”

It has been a day of indulgence. Indulgence in matters that concern my own acumen and learning. Apart from finding the little joys of testing the intricacies of the iPad, there has been a lesson in the skills required in the art of editing on the Mac. The process is cumbersome, but one that shall perhaps qualify me in posting footage that I posses of the various visuals that I encounter during the course of  a day, a week, a month – perhaps with the intent of providing you with more material of interest.

And during the course of that, Twitter happened. I never knew it would hardly take a few seconds to ‘get on’. And once I was on I felt it was imperative that I put down in writing many little conversations that have now known to be referred to as ‘tweets’. And I wonder too the origin of this facility and its unusual name. Would it at all have something to do with the gentle and very economical tweets of the small birds, early in the morning. Their staccato repeats, shrill in sound, but leaving us with their presence.

I am amazed at the rapidity with which the ‘net’ spreads its talons. And I am amazed at the  manner in which an entire universe is built about it. Individuals flock near and in close proximity, sharing immediately information that one may never have ever disclosed in the days gone by. We are as a result of this, almost commune like, within the confines of our thinking, our rules and our regulations.

And we are all happy !!

And may we ever remain so ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 18, 2010
Day 756

Jalsa, Mumbai                         May   17 ,  2010                     Mon  11 : 52  PM



Modern gadgetry has been structured to test the tenacity of our dispositions. To tell us how inadequate and incapable we all are and how intelligent and smart are the youngsters of the day – quick speaking, quick acting, and quickly moving on.

I have been grappling with mobile phones and iPads and iPhones for most of the day and though at the end of it I am none the wiser, it does create within me a sense of wisdom in at least attempting to understand the damn gadget. Understand is also a somewhat exaggerated term. It does require a large amount of knowledge beyond understanding to accomplish what the instrument was meant to accomplish.

By the end of it all, what comes through is that the human has decided to minimize the usage of our faculties, and allow these wonderful objects of technical desire to take over our systems. Eventually they would wish that the screen on your mobile would do all that one does manually through out the day. Each day man thinks and contemplates how best he or she can devise something which can be an alternative to manual labor and better still an alternative to the functioning of the brain itself.

When all our functions shall be controlled or dependent on that small little discovery of the century, the chip, our faculties that have been brought up to function in  a particular manner, shall become redundant. Where would mankind then go, or would he not go at all but instead fall prey to the very object he invented.

I have problems remembering my own mobile number at times, or at times the numbers of near and dear, simply because we have discovered a marvelous method of forgetting them – we have allowed the machine to take over from us, a job most of us would gladly want to be in. With memories of the chip storing every thing, why do we need a brain. When objects of desire can think for us, why on earth would we want to nurture our own natural God given utensils.

I have come this far only because I have been struggling with multiple phones and its mechanics the whole morning. I have been struggling also with the Mac and discovering elements that were hidden from my observation and that they would be of such great assistance to me in the future, provided I was able to find time to educate myself on them. This I start tomorrow and having done so am certain it shall not be taking too long before I would be in the enviable position of the master of the Mac and the Nokia.

Our dependence on the more affluent… more stand out, shall perhaps die after  years and years of voice excellence in the shape of the kind of connectivity that we all want.

The larger than life cinema is a complete example  of all the above. In time I believe there shall be robots performing to the camera. We could be sitting in the comfort of our vanity vehicles and allow intrusions into our space, and God knows that would be the ultimate life that we have all struggled for. But I wonder if that is the accepted desire.

But all said and done it is an exciting thought – keep the mind occupied with all sorts, for somewhere it is registering an education.

My mobiles and my Mac will be seeing a lot of each other soon.

Sooner than when I shall slip away into slumber ..

My love to all as before .. with warmth, love  and understanding ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 17, 2010
Day 755

Jalsa, Mumbai                         May 16, 2010                       Sun  10 : 54 PM


Aaahhh … relieved !! Had been meaning to respond to the responses for some time, and now have done it as England get into a commanding position in the finals of the T20 against Australia .. !!

Many among you have felt that I may have been edgy about the media. No !! Not at all. Just that its such a recurring phenomenon with them, I felt it may be proper to tell them so. There is acknowledgment as well, when ever I have felt that there is something that needs to be read with care. So all in all a sense of fair play.

The cricket continues and with it continuous Tv viewing and with it because of the repeat advertisements a sense of beginning to start humming the jingles that accompany the advertisements. Strange ! Guess there is some method in the great marketing philosophy behind these campaigns. Or that Nazi philosophy, Goebbelian in nature, of repeating till you actually start believing it. Works in most cases. In movies too. The effort put in to get the viewer to be anxious enough to come to the theatre on the opening or to inform the public at large of the success of a particular product. Marketing … the desired strategy for all occasions in todays world.

I see the generation of today relying desperately on managers that bring PR and marketing to the forefront of all acts. And I wonder, it was never there in our time. We relied on the merit of our endeavor and we felt, and still do, that if there was value in our work, it would create value in revenue, or just value. But now, unless you drill it in that the material is good no one believes you, irrespective of what its merit may be. The danger of course being that even inferior material goes past the post as superior.

These are perceptions. But in a world of marketing abundance perception is generating all that needs to be done. And there is an acceptance amongst all that if they have got the perception right, that is all that is desired. Perception runs ability, excellence, success and many more such attributes. In todays world, that is all that is desired. Not so in the world of the days gone by, perhaps … perhaps … debatable but … perhaps all the same …

Love for now ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 16, 2010
Day 754 (i)

Jalsa, Mumbai                           May 15, 2010                          Sat  9 : 48 PM


That our little haven of peace and friendship, of extended families ( EF ) and familia extendum ( FmXt ), created through love and understanding to foster togtherness, will one day become an object of debate and reference, of plagiarism and ridicule, is a revelation !

I had already copied some important issues addressed by senior and recognized editorials of accomplished columnists earlier on the matter of ‘census’. My comment on the blog was never a firm statement or a stand taken. It was still in the realm of the ‘if’. Yet the ferocity with which every known opinion maker gave it attention, came as a bit of a surprise. I say ‘bit’ because any more of it would have given me a swollen head. A head, which by my natural disposition has been in comparison, small and quite insignificant.

Barkha Dutt wrote a most lucid editorial and bravely ended it by paying a tribute to the blog. Gracious of her. Though I also post below a letter in the Afternoon which, as you can see has ‘successfully’ managed to catch the bull by the non proverbial tail !

My dear Mr Arup K Isaacs and the editorial management of the Afternoon, that has so generously given this eloquent piece of ‘hypogamus mating’ the status of ‘Letter of the Day’, I wish you would have read through my blog with perhaps greater earnestness. Of course I am mentioning the ‘regions’ of different parts of my country. And this is precisely what I needs must do, simply because, I really have no idea what my caste is, or indeed the castes of other members of my familia – to bring in just that subtle continental flavor in speech, before you start equating them with ‘eugenically matched marital unions’ !!

And do not for a moment think that you shall get away by putting within quotes, ‘married out of caste’ in your letter and attribute it to me. Prove to me that I have mentioned such words. Or face defamation !!

The titling given by the paper below my deliberate contemplative picture, searched and pulled out from some unknown archive of an unconnected event, states ” Amitabh is unaware of the real meaning of caste “. You are so damn right Mr ADC, I really do not. Which is what the whole episode is self-confessedly about. Apart from the academic detailing that you provide, I fail to understand why you would want to educate me on an issue, unasked. And dear ADC – thats Afternoon Despatch & Courier the name of the paper, in case you were getting worried I was making a reference to uniformed and liveried gentleman sword in hand standing erect by the side of Presidents and Governors – your title for this ‘letter of the day’ is so wrong. Instead of ‘castigated’ it should have read ‘illuminated’. Or would you rather I use that for the editorial section of your Letters to the Editor column !

Incidentally Mr letter writer Issacs, heard of the recent topic of interest in the country – the KHAP movement ?? !! Maybe you should. Would add to your concern for ‘humans who stand atop the consciousness ladder’ where ‘it is imperative that the science of eugenics is strictly adhered to so that genetically stable individuals are born in the world’.

But look what I have in store for you dearest FmXt. Another letter to the editor from same paper of yesterday, May 14, 2010.

Read the letter in reference to the writer Mr KV Raman of Malad (W) on MacMohan. Notice the language he uses. Familiar ??? No ? Does not ring a bell ?? Ok …

Let me enlighten you -

DAY 749(i) -

‘Prateeksha, Mumbai                                 May  10, 2010                              Mon  9: 59  PM There is sadness in declaring that this evening actor Mac Mohan passed away. He was a soft hearted gentle soul. His frail body defeated the strength of his character and his kind nature. A person of great care and concern for all. I worked with him in several films, films that can be identified as being some of the most memorable in my repertoire. Some of the roles he did were evil in nature, quite the opposite of his own personal demeanour. His laughter was full throated and free ; a symbol of the free spirit he always depicted. He will be missed and remembered for many reasons, but perhaps the most for his reference in the film ‘Sholay’ as Samba, Amjad’s, and the dreaded character he played of Gabbar Singh’s, gang. Our prayers and condolences to his family and his near and dear.’

Ha ha ha … heh hea heha   hahaha   … Mr KV Raman you are a genius ! Man .. you copy the text of my blog and pass it off as yours. Thats copyright infringement mister. And no acknowledgement ? But I guess you never thought anyone would notice. Just as the ADC you contribute to, fails to acknowledge the blog from where they get news from. Here take a look -

The write up gives the impression that the paper sought an interview with me, I obliged and the section within quotes is what I spoke to them about. No ! I did not ! They took the entire piece off my blog and made it their own. Ethics and propriety be damned. We are the media. You don’t have a right to question us !

“Prakash Jha comes over to discuss his ongoing project Aarakshan, his take on the education system prevailing and the issue of protection for the under privileged. He wants to have Ajay and Manoj and Katrina, but is still to finalize them. Plays for me a show reel on his coming project Raajneeti. Intense and with a host of some very fine artists.”

That is straight out of DAY 750 !!! And not a word of acknowledgement to bigadda.com .

Big B castigated !!?? No sir, the Afternoon Despatch & Courier castigated !! Ha ha ha  heh heha ha ….!!!

And you send media plants on our blog under fictitious names to abuse me for grilling media !! Joke of the season.

And …

I have greater news …

A responsible member of the fourth estate informs me after I have taken a sympathetic stand for MS Dhoni, our Captain, that the entire media hype against Dhoni is a deliberate plant by authorities, because they do not find the Captain to be their ‘yes man’ !! Stunning eh !!

To bed to bed … and then perhaps to sleep and start afresh …

My ‘hypogamous’ love to you … ‘eugenically’

Amitabh Bachchan

May 15, 2010
Day 754

Prateeksha, Mumbai                        May  15,  2010                      Sat  7 : 27 AM



“दुनिया में हर आदमी एकाकी है . किसी का स्नेह पाना बड़ा सौभाग्य है . उसका अधिकारी बनने का प्रयत्न करते रहना चाहिए – मैं तो चाहूँगा की भगवन भले ही मुझसे निराश हो  पर मेरा प्रेमी न हो . जिनसे मुझे सदभावना मिली है , उनकी प्रत्याशा पूर्ण करने मे ही मैं आधा – तीहा बन गया हूँ . मैंने सदा प्रयत्न किया है की जिनको मेरी आवश्यकता हो उनको मैं सहज – सुलभ हो सकूं . पर अपने लिए सबको दुर्लभ समझूँ और उन्हें पाने को सदा – सदा साधना करता रहूँ . भगवन को पाना बड़ी साधना है , पर इंसान को पाना कम बड़ी साधना नहीं है . जो मेरे बन चके हैं , उन्हें भी मैं अनपाया ही समझता हूँ और उन्हें पाने के प्रयत्नों में ही लगा रहता हूँ – पाये को पाने का प्रयत्न – हाँ यही प्रेम है .”

“duniya may har aadmi ekaki hai . kisi ka sneh paana bada saubhagya hai . uska adhikaari banne ka prayatna karte rehna chahiye – main toh  chahunga ki bhagwaan bhale hi mujhse niraash ho jaye par mera premi na ho . jinse mujhe sadbhawana mili hai, unki pratyasha purna karne may hi main aadha-teeha ban gaya hoon . maine sada prayatna kiya hai ki jinko meri aavashyakata ho unko nain sahaj-sulabh ho sakoon . par apne liye sab ko durlabh samjhoon aur unhe paane ko sada-sada saadhna karta rahoon . bhagwaan ko paana badi saadhana hai, par insaan ko paana kam badi saadhana nahi hai . jo mere ban chuke hain, unhe bhi main anpaaya hi samajhata hoon aur unhe paane ke prayatnon may laga rehta hoon – paye ko paane ka prayatna – haan yahi prem hai .”

“In this world every one is alone. To get someone’s love is a great privilege a great honor. One must always keep making an effort to be deserving of such honor – I would want that let the Almighty be disappointed with me but not the one that loves me. I have decimated myself into almost a half and a third in my desire to fulfill the anticipation of those that give me affection and care. I have always made such effort, that those that need me or desire me, I should for them, be easily accessible. But consider them scarce whom I desire and to continuously keep making, effort to get them, to acquire them to win them over. To acquire, to get close to the Almighty, requires great pious effort, but to get to and acquire an individual, a human, requires no less a pious effort. Those that have become mine, I still consider them as those I have yet to acquire or come close to and am in continuous endeavor to get them – the effort to get what I have got – yes , this is what love is !”

Yes indeed this is what love is. The love of the FmXt and my continuous effort to wanting to get what I have already got, with great pious endeavor.

How beautifully my Father’s thoughts merge into the philosophy of my association with my extended family. And how wonderfully well they describe not just the circumstance of him as an individual, as a human, but in general for it to be seen as an example perhaps for other individuals and situations as well. One may be a champion or an achiever and have received the accolades that accompany such achievement, but to continue to make effort with the belief that there is yet something to achieve, to acquire, is indeed true love.

The manager’s of Bachchan Bol, the voice blog or ‘vog’ that was initiated last month informs me that the subscribers are rapidly increasing in numbers. We now have 200,000 plus and about 150,000 as followers. Whatever that means. And they inform me that the state of Bihar has the lead in numbers followed by UP, Maharashtra and Punjab and that the controllers of UP are upset that despite the fact that I was born there, the numbers of Bihar are greater and that they are now getting down to pushing the market to be able to outdo the numbers from other states. Such a joy to learn of this sincere friendly competition. But all said, it is most humbling to find that the service is doing well and that there is a sizeable clientele building up. Inside India, the company that works on this informs me, that a large bank of consumer customers of a carrier, are waiting to be tapped, to give an exponential growth to the numbers soon. I wait anxiously for this to happen.

There are other internet facilitators that come around for unique services that may be made available to us and I am having a look at them and their feasibility. The speed with which this mode of our technical life moves is so remarkable, that to be able to keep pace and to, within that short time, be able to make capable decisions, is becoming an exercise in itself.

We use a third of our brain power in a lifetime. Modern technology is determined to change those percentages. What a waste of intelligence or work force in utilizing just a third of our potential, they would scream ! Bring it all out. We shall build the tasks for you, test you, push you. There is a lot that is unexplored and not fathomed. Get on it siree !! There is an entire universe to discover !!

The morning hour. Peaceful, fresh, invigorated – the harbinger of the finest thoughts. Wish all work schedules were designed to function just for those early morning 2-3 hours and then retire us for the day. How magical life would be.

Who was the guy that set up this 9-6 sched. And why did he think that this should be the norm for the entire world. Google this chap will ya ! Smoke ‘em out ! Get him shrinked ! Send him to rehab ! Clean him up !!

Chill Mr B … you are instigating the adrenalin rush perhaps too hastily … the entire day lies ahead … zip it !!

Hola !!

With love and affection to my EF, FmXt and those that are yet to come on board ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 15, 2010
Day 753

Prateeksha, Mumbai                   May 14, 2010                  Fri 11 : 56 PM

The brain tires and the body sluggishly twists and turns, seeking that one moment when it shall slip into slumber. The eyes are shutting as I write and therefore, wanting to pursue in a state of almost inertia, is not the recommended route.

I will take forced leave and shall be in the ‘morrow with you.

Attended the chautha ceremony for MacMohan and was with his brothers-in-law at the ceremony – Ravi Tandon. He had directed me in ‘Majboor’ and is Raveena Tandon’s father.

The evening was sober and solemn, but sad not just for the ceremony and occasion, but for his young son who is physically challenged. I wonder if he will ever know the meaning of death, and the loss of his Father.

I will return soon in the morning … but for now I shall take leave and wish that there are merely a few hours left before I will be back ..

GN !

Amitabh Bachchan

May 14, 2010
Day 752 (ii)

Jalsa/Prateeksha, Mumbai                    May  13,  2010                   Thu  10 : 44 PM

As expected, remarks from my folder found their way into national debate and discussion on the Tv. Had I just stuck to a mundane description on the process of the census, or perhaps as Daisy conjectured, on the finery of the lady that was doing all the writing, challenging the dress code of Rochelle at similar duties, the day would have gone off without event. But what is a day then if not worth invoking curiosity.

Yes, if ever the census were to come back to me and asked for my caste, I would only give to them what I have already said – Indian ! So what seems to be the problem with that. Is this an opposition to the desire of the authorities to know my caste ? No. Is this a denial to the authorities from determining through a count the caste break up of our countrymen ? No. Then why the anxiety and discourse ? No one is stopping you from finding out what the caste factor is. Certainly not me. Neither have I given any indication in writing or suggestion that this process should not be conducted. Please do go ahead and do it. I am merely saying what my answer will be if I am ever asked what my caste is. Thats it. All that follows after is the commercialization of the medium of media. Media is never going to be interested in the issue. Their only interest is how can an issue be exploited for revenue and TRP benefits. And the reason why they keep being defensive about it by continuously denying it, merely exposes the hurt that they feel of its truth. I have said it earlier, I shall say it again. Media will baulk at running an issue for more than a couple of days. The interest factor, in the eye of the client, diminishes. Alarm bells sound in the editorial conferences early morning and strategies start getting devised on how to capture interest again through another fresh issue.

Fatima, the lovely, sincere and devoted fan club member from South Africa, quickly draws my attention to what Barkha Dutt has to comment on my remark. Incidentally it was she that I had said NOT INTERESTED to in the previous post. She writes in -

BDUTT

Amitabh Bachchan says ‘ my caste is indian’. That’s ideal but given how caste impacts life in India, should we avoid a countabout 4 hours ago via web

No baby !! Who in heavens name is asking you to stop the count. Please do go ahead. I am merely saying that if you will ask me my caste I will say Indian. Where lies the problem. Is there any indication in my entire blogwrite ( ha ! my own fresh invention ) that I do not wish for you to count them. NO .. !! Then why a specific program designed on Tv around it ? Economics !! OOps sorry, had already indicated that earlier.

And apart from the idealism that Barkha thrusts on me, I genuinely would never be able to signify what my caste is. I gave reason for it too in my blogwrite ( jeez ! I just love myself for this ). Father from UP married to Mother a sikh, son married to Bengali, another son married to Sindhi, grandaughter married to Punjabi, grandson married to Mangalorean. What should my caste be then ?

One smart FmXt commented, ya sir, but these are regions not different castes. You are so right sonny they are indeed regions. But for one who can only identify regions and nothing else, what do you expect ?

Okay.. !! Lets play for a while. Let us give them all imaginary castes.

So lets say my Father from UP is a Kaayast, he marries a Sikh who let us assume is a Kshatriya and they have two sons. What does the sons caste become ? A Kaayast- Kshatri. Fine. Now Kaayast – Kshatri marries a bengali who lets say is a brahmin. They have two children. What do they become ? Kaayast- Kshatri- Brahmins ?

Now one kid marries a punjabi from Delhi, and they have two of their own. What do they become ? Kaayast- Kshatri- Brahmin – Punj ( I never asked Shweta’s husband what his caste was so I have put the nearest equivalent ! ) And what shall become the caste of Abhishek and Aishwarya’s child … a Kaayast-Kshatri-Brahmin- Tulu ( I never asked what Aishwarya’s caste is, so am putting down the closest equivalent, the language of her region !! )

See … I genuinely would not be able to tell you what my caste is ! And if you were to still insist on the caste confabulation that I have just described, the census would be wrong. Because one individual would end up holding four castes. Would that not corrupt this tremendous exercise that the country is undertaking ? I mean, lets be candid about the whole matter. Those that are propagating this count by caste, are anxious and perhaps rightly so, in determining a number in order to facilitate the quota protection of such groups in the various schemes of the Government – education, grants, institutions, etc. But .. come on, how do you place an Indian that carries 4 castes !!! Do we divide the numbers. If so what would be the criteria of division and what the percentage.

Lets go back to the son. He was Kaayast-Kshatri. His son became, Kaayast-Kshatri-Brahmin. Lets just stop here. Playing fair let us assume that at Kaayast-Kshatri level the division was 50-50. Fifty from the Mother and fifty from the Father. Incidentally this too would raise a debate, and many homes do go into severe domestic problems with this topic.

“He has my looks and your brain !! and many such arguable discourses, which have ended up with objects of some value, being flung at respective parties involved. So just lets leave it at that.

Yes, so where were we … ahhh .. 50 50. Fifty for the father and fifty for the mother. Right !

Now come to their off spring, the Kaayast-Kshatri-Brahmin. Further dilution of the caste. Playing fair it would be 33 and one third, three times. Right .. ? Assuming that at the 50-50 level we were dividing the Kaayast to 50 and the Kshatri to 50, we find as we procreate the 50 reduces to 33 and one third three times. Answer me this now my lovelies.

Would any caste accept, first, his caste to be divided into half. And then worse, be reduced further to 33 and a third !!! NEVER … The country would burn !!

Which is why, ladies and gentlemen of the honored jury, it is not possible for me to say anything other than that my caste is Indian. Comprende vous !!

When  I talk of my Father and his beliefs it is not without cause and considered action. He was born in a Kaayast family, but his beliefs never compelled him to make use of it. He was I believe a Srivastav in the caste sense, but never ever used it to signify his surname.

“Bachchan” was his nom de plume, his takhallus as they would say in Urdu and he brought that into use as his surname. And I am the first generation first Bachchan. The first one to bear that surname. A surname in India has depicted caste, the clever ploy by British colonialists to help govern the nation by bringing in division. My Father initiated a fresh and new peedhi, a new generation. I am most proud to be carrying his legacy forward. A legacy that does not believe in a caste to describe a human. Is it not enough that I am a human !!

End of chapter. End of discussion.

Cricket now ! And in its usual fashion the media goes for the jugular. Who to blame for this defeat. And who should be scapegoated.

I am appalled at the way MS Dhoni has been targeted. A week ago he was the apple of your eye. And within seconds, in a show smacking of frivolity, you have through deliberate and unjustifiable cut – paste technology, made him into the creator of all that ails Indian Cricket. This is most unjust and unfair. It is easy to sit behind closed air-conditioned doors and draw up plans on how cricket needs to be played. But get on to the pitch and feel the pain and agony and stress and pressures of a game before you draw conclusions.

To lay blame on after match partying and its consequences is just such undigestible bumph. And picking words spoken completely out of context from the person concerned and then turning them into statement is smart television, not judicious analysis.

Yes we are all very disappointed with the outcome of the T20 championships, but don’t destroy the spirit of these magnificent athletes. From the early hours of the morning ad nauseum, the electronic has only crucified the team and done nothing else. Don’t kill their morale for God’s sake. If I was heading a channel, I would repeatedly keep showing in my broadcast, the glorious victory of the year when we won the World Championships, rather than dwell on our players in their weaker moments.

Come on Dhoni !! You can do it. I have faith in you and your wonderful band of brothers in the team. Regroup, regain and WIN !!!

I wanted to put before you a few words of wisdom from my Father. But it is a long and time consuming blog today. Will put it up some other time. For now its back to caste and an editorial page article today -

My love as ever … and thank you for bearing with me for so long ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 13, 2010
Day 752 (i)

Jalsa, Mumbai                           May  13,  2010                          Thu  7 : 07 PM








Consensus of the census at Prateeksha and recording for posterity and the UID.

Giving away an ambulance in charity to a hospital in Thane, small but committed and can perform now almost all major surgeries except cardiac. Run by a few very caring and passionate team of doctors who left their practice, a flourishing one in England, to care for the needy in their own land.

And then a few physically challenged who took part in a competition run by Gulf where the scheme is foster a child. A car race is designed within the city and these challenged individuals drive cars and navigate to win. Such an example of determination and ultimate achievement, despite their condition. Truly honored to be in their midst and to be able to give them hope and cheer.

All in a days work. A bit rushed but most satisfying. Every other day even at times of harsh schedules, to be able to do something for a cause is never a burden.

More later .. got to rush off to some important meets ..

Tonight a bit of cricket again .. the first semis of the World Cup T20, but more importantly a few thoughts on the Indian team and then a few on the caste during the census of the consensus. Would you believe it the remark put on the matter of ‘Indian’ caught major headlines in all the press and electronic wants to talk on that as well. Hmmm … the element of the sincerity and honesty of it shall be pushed aside and a damning sensationalized, back ground music enveloped, cut paste job shall find its way on all the Tv screens by the 9 pm news !!

NOT INTERESTED  !!

Amitabh Bachchan

May 13, 2010
Day 752

Jalsa, Mumbai                       May  13, 2010                     Thu  5 : 35 PM

The Sunday evenings of love and affection. Has not stopped for a single weekend since 1982 after returning from Breach Candy Hospital. What can I say ? It is an overwhelming experience of gratitude and obligation. A debt that I shall, I know, never be able to pay back. The only way that I can ever be able to, will be to continue working and to somehow bring happiness and cheer in their lives. And this despite the soothsayers and the ‘wellwishers’ who continuously chide me for NOT stopping work. Of deriding me every other month of how my value is over and that it is time to give it all up and go off to the mountains.

Well I have news for them that are so ‘considerate’. So long as I will keep getting offers I shall keep working, no matter how indifferent it may be. And the more you shall criticize and abuse, the more effort I shall make to improve on my lapses. I live to learn each day, to improve to better the past. If I shall have life I shall strive …

Master Ali, the only surviving member of this progeria ridden family came over from Kolkata, as I had promised. Such a joy to see the actual Auro, to be able to feel his emotion and his spirit and strength. He was cool and suave and most unconcerned about his condition, even though he had just lost his elder brother some months ago, also afflicted by the disease. The father told me a few other children of his had all passed away in similar fashion. His mother kept crying through out the meeting. What can one say at moments like this ? It is so difficult to face the moment. You smile and give hope and the confidence that all will be well, when in fact we know that it will not.

Ali, was a smart kid. Wore designer clothes, very trendy. Operated the camera himself, both mobile and video and never throughout the meet did he show any sign of remorse on the pending fate that was to come his way.

Here are some moments with him -

Brave little man !! God bless him !!

Amitabh Bachchan

May 13, 2010
Day 751

Prateeksha, Mumbai                         May  12,  2010                       Wed  11 : 56 PM


जग मुझे टेढ़ी नज़र से देखता है ,
और , लो , पाषाण मुझ पर फेंकता है ,

जो उसे पत्थर वही तो फूल मेरे ;
प्यार की तो भूल भी अनुकूल  मेरे I


Jag mujhe tedhi nazar se dekhta hai,

Aur, lo, paashaan mujh par phainkata hai,

Jo use patthar wohi toh phool mere,

Pyaar ki toh bhool bhi anukool mere .


The world looks at me with crooked eyes,

And lo and behold, throws rocks at me,

What are rocks for them are for me flowers,

A  mistake even in love, is in agreement with me.

Words from one of my Father’s works, which came from a poem written in the 50′s perhaps, a period when he was restructuring his life and indeed his thoughts and philosophy too.

It is a strange phenomena is it not, that we tend to search for expressions in our lives that have common cause. We are attracted to it because it is attractive to our feelings. We look to situations and towards others that find themselves in similar situations. We seek solace in the obvious fact, that it is comforting to know that there are others who sail the same boat. Somehow there is a reassurance that one is not alone.

I glance through my Father’s works regularly and finding myself in tune with his thoughts felt it necessary to share it with the extended family. And so it appears on the face page. And so it is attempted for a translation so FmXt can understand.

Vishwanathan Anand becomes the World Champion in chess, a repeat accomplishment which even some of the greatest in the game, particularly from Russia, have not been able to match. My sincere wishes to him for his continued success. He is a humble soul, gentle and without any airs. We were felicitated once together at a function in Hyderabad. He knew of me and was an admirer of my work .. wooohhh … what an honor !!

Mahendra Singh Dhoni, Captain of the Indian Cricket team walks out with his boys from the West Indies after the loss to Sri Lanka yesterday and now out of the World T20 competition.

Two, sports stalwarts loved and admired by the nation. Two different stories on the same day. The balance of the universe !!

And then the inexplainable – the Women’s Cricket team from India beats SriLanka to enter the semi finals of the World tournament !! Ladies we love you !! And we love the way you bring that little, just that little imbalance in our lives. Ha ! Ha ! What would we do without you !!

The entire day was spent at the Film City, shooting for a cause – the eradication of Polio. Its been a while since I went over to the studios. Time moves so fast and within a short span the scenario has changed. New structures, vacate land around the lot converted into outdoor locales. Everyone busy and occupied – TV Serials, Film, Add., world … the lot. All spread out in nooks and corners. Work in progress in the only Industry that never faces any recession – films. Delighted to see so much activity. This was the studio that I was asked to inaugurate many many years back. A single structure and miles and miles of forest had decorated the 350 odd acres of property. And as the years went by, film after film kept rolling out in large numbers. For me, it was an entire life from the 80′s to present time. From ‘Barsaat ki Raat, Natwarlal, Sharaabi, Muqaddar ka Sikandar, Satte pe Satta, Namakhalal, Trisul, KalaPathar, of the old to Baghbaan, Black and Paa of the more recent. Not to forget KBC and my lovely and warm little cottage built by the side and which happily still remains there, unused.

In the early years when there was no design of a Film City in these parts, we came to shoot sequences where we needed a vacant land, wilderness, forest and off track lanes for car chases and explosion action. Now … not a space free. It is loaded every where. Not a soul was seen when we would come in for those sequences in those days. Now … the most populated region in the city .. well almost !!

What a delight it would be if each corner of the City had the ability to speak. And what a delight it would be to record the incredible moments of Indian Film history that have transpired during these past 30 years on its surroundings. The heights of excellence, the efforts of emotion expressed, the dangerous actions executed and the lilting grace of the songs picturised all over. The air, the earth and the atmosphere so full of excellence in creativity.

Ever thought how these regions come into existence ? And then become eternal ?

A finance street, a bank street, a shopping region, a region for electronics sales, a poets and journalists colony, a designated region for politicians, doctors and jewelers … amazing how they all bunch up together and work and exploit a common cause and business. And their permanency almost predetermined, predestined and lasting for ever, never to move away.

Fascinating !!

It makes a time of 1:35 AM in the digital before me. And to my right the duvet, inviting and soft. Tomorrow it is back to advocating that we are ‘that close’ to making history – to eradicating an entire disease from the world, perhaps only the second disease complete eradication in the universe. Polio.

Do boond zindagi ke !!

Just two drops of life !! Every year, every time …

Never too far from the love and the affection that you deserve and that which I so willingly express, now and always. Every year, every time !!

Amitabh Bachchan


May 12, 2010
Day 750

Jalsa, Mumbai                           May 11, 2010                     Tue  11 : 24 PM


From the morning a consensus on the census. Officials from the BMC, the Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation, troop into Prateeksha to detail in on information, that shall for the first time in India develop for every citizen the UID – a unique identity card. All kinds of information is sought name, place, age, dependents, place of birth, house, residence years and on …. I wait for them to come to the crucial controversial one … caste. They don’t. Wary of the sensitivity that this has raised recently by politicians, they keep away from it. They reason that they would wait for some government decision on this. I tell them irrespective of what the system decides, my answer is ready – caste, Indian. My Father never believed in caste and neither do any of us. He married a Sikh, I married a Bengali, my brother a Sindhi, my daughter a Punjabi, my son a Mangalorean … in his autobiography he had expressed that future generations of his family should marry into different parts of the country. So far that tradition has been kept alive !!

The heat continues unabated. But within the discomfort and the sweltering conditions a flowering delight as the sun goes down over Juhu -

The laburnum in bloom. Only in the hottest month of the year. Bright and beautiful and cooling. In huge large bunches all around Jalsa. Nature in its finest expression and so justifiable. The element of balance, the element of poetic justice, good and evil, Ram and Raavan …

And equally the sunset over the Arabian Sea off the coast of Juhu. The multitudes over the sand and the beach, bringing down the temperatures that they may have endured throughout the day in extreme conditions. Do not comment on those little objects on the horizon as specks of dirt on camera lens. They are kites soaring above the wind swept sea front. Peculiar in shape but kites all the same.

Prakash Jha comes over to discuss his ongoing project Aarakshan, his take on the education system prevailing and the issue of protection for the under privileged. He wants to have Ajay and Manoj and Katrina, but is still to finalize them. Plays for me a show reel on his coming project Raajneeti. Intense and with a host of some very fine artists.

Warming up to work.

Music governs the mind in connecting with some inner force, that transports one into the sublime. It is a rush of energy and enthusiasm as you hear or play with the keys of the electronic piano – a piano that virtually plays on its own, that makes you sound like a maestro. After long I have fiddled with it. In the absence of any other, this would most certainly be that moment when you feel the closest to the creator. Or whoever else did that for us.

Peace be upon us. In what we say, what we do and what we believe. There are not very many options left after this …

Laburnums to gently drift into your sights, with affection and love -

Amitabh Bachchan

May 11, 2010
Day 749 (i)

Prateeksha, Mumbai                                 May  10, 2010                              Mon  9: 59  PM There is sadness in declaring that this evening actor Mac Mohan passed away. He was a soft hearted gentle soul. His frail body defeated the strength of his character and his kind nature. A person of great care and concern for all. I worked with him in several films, films that can be identified as being some of the most memorable in my repertoire. Some of the roles he did were evil in nature, quite the opposite of his own personal demeanour. His laughter was full throated and free ; a symbol of the free spirit he always depicted. He will be missed and remembered for many reasons, but perhaps the most for his reference in the film ‘Sholay’ as Samba, Amjad’s, and the dreaded character he played of Gabbar Singh’s, gang. Our prayers and condolences to his family and his near and dear. I have placed the promos of ‘Raavan’ on DAY 749. These are the authentic and complete promos that will be officially aired and are being aired. I do hope you enjoy them. My promise of putting them up is now complete. I like the serenity of the woman and the madness of the man. I like the wildness of the environment and the calm of the blue waters. I like the eccentricity of one human trying to cope with multiple humans inside him. I like the opposites. For they always attract. I am attracted to the sound because it grows within and I am attracted to the maker that compels us to view this cinema without the expected expectations. I read a comment by an FmXt and his anguished lament on the days gone by of the cinema of Guru Dutt and Bimal Roy. Of how he was pained to see the absence of form and language and thought in the ‘talkies’ of today. I read with great interest Shobha De’s column on the films of today, of the complete distance they project from any kind of sanity in visual or voice. I read comments of the critics every Saturday and am alarmed by the differences in the evaluation of their choices. I observe with great interest, how, if they are the guidelines for the common man to buy or not to buy their tickets in the ‘plex’, any individual could form opinion on the pedigree of a released film. I then also appreciate what Ms De describes an evening out at the movies, as being an event devoid of any sense, and that often it is advisable in order to maintain our equilibrium, that we invest in such act. In a world that is torn apart every conceivable moment with hardship, intrigue, compulsion and harsh labor, how wonderful then to be spending three hours locked in a comfortable cushioned enclosure, being devoured by senseless nothingness. And that is a most pertinent argument that Ms De raises. Have our lives become so immune to the artistic, pure and aesthetic, that we seek a release in witnessing or being a part of elements that never test the algebra of the most complicated part of our system, the brain. Will there then, ever be a time, when sense shall bear an equation with entertainment. Or does entertainment live a life of its own, alone, singular, by itself, but by its tremendous commerce ? How intriguing a world that would make for all of us to inhabit !! To say that there is no concern on the very nucleus of this matter would not be entirely correct. I see and learn from sources that those that have abilities with the pen, wish to combine together on a singular platform to collectively take up the challenge of content. To take on the degradation of the written word and thereby the mutilation of our centuries old traditions – traditions that have made us respect and admire the diversity and the beauty of it in a land that is Bharat. May those that endeavor thus be with the blessings of the creator ! In a land where the line of poverty extends to levels humanly unacceptable to many in the developed world, this argument would be truncated without any remorse or thought. Can artistic appreciation or the lack of it ever be placed alongside hunger and squalor ? Political pundits would be compelled to side with the latter. Understandably. It assures them their votes. Quality and aestheticism be damned. Does it really bother one, how or what he is dressed in ? It covers the nakedness of my body does it not. And for some its soul too. So where does this sound in any manner offensive. Keep your purity and its applications within the four walls of your home ; that is if you have one – most of India does not. And let us think consider and care for those lesser privileged ! I would rather the politics was right than the emotion, they would say. I would tend to agree, if the genuineness of their lusty proclamation fructified. Lets get the house in order first, all else can follow once that is done, would be the refrain. A fair and justifiable intention. But in a state where neither happens with any urgency, it becomes imperative and somewhat compelling to keep those at bay, who are willing themselves to a creativity which they now cannot hold on to for very long. This loss of faith in the system is what instigates the makers and shakers of our world, to do the stuff they do. They are the pioneers, the people that dare and act. That respond to their inner instincts of how they wish to express, rather than be dictated by set and principled norms. The joy of adventure, of facing that breath of fresh air, of conquering the pristine whiteness of the mountain peaks, is what sets them apart. And it is they who bear the insults of ignominy, the banter of irresponsible tattle and the cruelty of unmitigated dislike. And it is so, because the ‘other’ was unable to match his or her intelligence in its creativity. Which is why I admire Mani Ratnam ! I admire him because he will stand upright to face the envy and jealousy of those that will not be able to even endeavor to attempt his effort. His effort to bring in superior change. And I am aware that even as I write, the wheels of discomfort have begun to rotate. To deliberately sow the disgusting seeds of dislike. To suggest and plant ideas and concepts into the thinking of the gullible. And to prepare ground for those that shall revel in the exercise of value destruction when the time arrives. To them I have just this to say. The ‘karma’ of hard and honest work has never succumbed to inane repulsive innuendo. See and read for yourself. ‘Hard honest work’ – does it not sound so much more graceful and pure than – ‘inane repulsive innuendo’ ? See how your own physical appearance changes as you recite these two expressions. You decide. Which face would you rather go with ?? I do not need to even wait for a response ! With my love and concern and all that embodies the goodness in our beings …

Amitabh Bachchan
May 10, 2010
Day 749

Promo 1

Promo 2

Promo 3

Promo 4

Promo 5

May 10, 2010
Day 748

Jalsa, Mumbai                           May 9, 2010                        Sun  11 : 46  PM


India lost again, Chelsea won the championship ! Loss for the national team, victory for the team you support. Win some lose some – life !! Or the life of balance. Natures way with all of us. Nothing remains continuously bad and nothing continuously good. There is a design of balance in all that we do and believe. Except we all wish the balance would tilt just a little favorably towards the good than the bad. Ha !!

Sunday again and – the day !! Time for the reassurance. Except, the crowds swelled beyond expectation and a problem for the guy who they had come to meet, me. I got mobbed out from my own home. Had a meeting in office and summoned by the cop station to come in, took me half hour to cover 50 meters to my gate. And then the joy of enthusiasm as you interact with the fans.

Fans, the true indicator of your standing. Fans, who stay with you for eternity. Fans that make such huge sacrifices. And all they want is that nod of acknowledgment, a smile of recognition, an autograph, a picture for keepsake and that is it. Simple, committed and selfless.

Salute !!

Many in the responses wished that they had had enough of the tigers and that it needed to be changed – the face page that is. Devoid of open mouthed blue veined exposure. Point taken and alterations are in process now. Hopefully in a day there shall be a new face and some new promos of Raavan, or maybe some pictures.

ok … the pictures from Raavan came in ahead of schedule and I did not waste much time in uploading them. The visuals of the film are simply stunning, as is the wont for a Mani Ratnam film. Year after year this most talented genius of the country stirs up an incredible thought a plot a story that is unique and inspiring, not just for the viewer but for the participant as well.

In all his films there has been I have noticed and I am sure others have too, a certain earthiness, a certain resonance of the ethos of the land to which he belongs. Through the years of his presence I have never observed any attempt on his part to bring in unnecessary sensationalism, or any attempt to succumb to formulaic interpretations of what escapist cinema in India is generally identified with. Yet his works have always been accepted and applauded both critically and commercially. This is unique. His films have always enveloped you from the very first image or sound that you get to see and then till the very end they form an integral part of the product.

PC Sir, the DOP on Cheeni Kum and Paa, and a genius in his own right used to carry Mani Ratnam on the back of his bicycle and peddle his way to several producers in the South, recommending him to them. From humble beginnings erupted this magnificent maker standing today in shining glory.

When you meet the man there is a certain humble honesty about him, and I believe that personal character and nature shall always find itself being reflected in the creativity associated with said individual. Their work mirrors their character, their aesthetics. It becomes vital then that those that create, be given the freedom and space to express themselves the way they will or wish it. And were it not to happen, I am certain they would chose one over the other. Creativity over anything else !

Domestication then, or private lives of such celebrities does become a point for frustrated disappointments. Artists and people of the finer qualities of creativity, shall never indulge in any matter that does not give primary attention to their creation. Every thing else comes afterwards. That is if there is any time left for such extra curricular acts.

One would imagine then that any intrusion in the lives off such individuals, where they are compelled to compromise, would never find favor. So having observed such attitude, does it indicate that a kind of detachment to worldly life and pleasure would be a must for them. Difficult to comprehend. Certain essentials will always be required, but working around it would be the best solution, if there was need to resolve. Understanding the talent and giving respect to his or her presence, not just physically but temperamentally too would go a long way in accepting the equation.

Personally, I seek that often, my insignificance not withstanding.

Good night …

Amitabh Bachchan

May 9, 2010
Day 747

Prateeksha   Mumbai                    May 8,  2010                Sat  10 : 31  Pm

My dear Amitabh Bachchan,

I write to you with some measure of concern. May I first give an introduction to myself. I am you. Difficult to comprehend, but sadly it is a fact of immense importance. I have lived inside you from the moment you took your very first breath, from your very first scream as you entered this world. It is therefore prudent to know that in these circumstances I do become your own voice, your own mind and your own body.

My concern is then of a very legitimate nature. There is within you a desire to write consistently day after day and having this most impossible habit of numbering the days as you plod along. In the early stages of your blog you were warned by your respondents that this practice should be abolished. That it would be convenient and appropriate to title your blogs in the order or reckoning of the content and material that that particular ‘day’ carried. You have willfully disagreed with the suggestion and have adamantly continued to do what others have requested you not to do. Is this a trend in your life – where you do what is exactly opposite of what is asked of you ? My worry is that your obstinate nature could become the source of matters that would in all conditions become harmful to you.

Numerically, the idea of accounting for your reminisces may be an attractive thought. But consider conversely, how magnificent it would be, for the titling of each day to be in consonance with its content -

‘A depressingly depressed day’

‘The medical marvel of miraculous measure’

‘Critical cricket crises’

‘Jaundiced jargon’

‘Mish mashed media mechanism’

‘Chikki chikki chuckled chick’

‘Kasab kouched  konviction’

‘ Renzo Rosso Resieled’

‘Indian Idol Intellect’

‘IPL Implications’

‘Words words words ..’

To name justa few examples. What do you think ? They would have been so much more attractive than this stupid mathematics of every ‘day’. You should really give it serious thought.

Another matter that has been troubling me and that I feel deserves your immediate attention ; the factor of your nocturnal activities. Sometimes it would be wise to give just that little more to the object of the pillow, than the luminous sparkle of an LeD screen, which registers your thoughts.

Thank you. You may now if you wish retire for the day.

Love,

Amitabh

Ha .. ha .. sometimes it is good to introspect. Never without reason, but all the same introspect. Keeps one healthy and strong and perhaps balanced.

A balanced approach then to the time of night, when I shall seek permission to leave. It is as is …

Amitabh Bachchan

May 8, 2010
Day 746

Prateeksha, Mumbai                                 May 7, 2010                             Fri  11 : 31 PM

Depression !! The deepest of depressions !! India lost miserably to Australia in the T20 World Cup match today and shall now have to win both its remaining games to make it to the semi finals. Just such a bad game, where nothing went right. We were hammered by the Ozzies ! Barring one Rohit Sharma, all else were just a bunch of raw meat butchered in the stalls. The Australians on the other hand were a well oiled machine and played magnificently. Now, greater apprehensions for the remaining games for India, because there will be the added pressure of winning to remain in the tournament. Really sad. It seemed as though there was no desire to win, just a very weak effort by all. Would take a while to rub this one off !!

Abhishek and Bahu Rani came back this morning and it was a joy to see them after such a long gap. But the joy is limited. Tomorrow they go off again to some more exotic lands for their work. But when they are with us, it is fun to catch up on their talk and to inform them of ours.

Some funny sms, from my friend Ram Gopal Varma throughout the day, kept me in splits and with some sense of awareness. I think it would not be prudent to air them here at this sensitive moment in the lives of the country, and so I shall abstain.

The technical gentleman from Paris that shall be managing the Champs Elysees ballet theatre performance of my Father’s poems has come over to discuss creatives and we went through the entire routine. Now the butterflies jump and comes that moment in the day, when a reality check is being conducted and you find yourself fearing the outcome of failure.

No ! I cannot give details of what transpired before every film that I did, and other stories, because that would mean a betrayal of sorts with the contract. A breach would land me in an area that was far from reality. I would never want that to happen. Hopefully there shall be some solution to this issue. Maybe when the broadcasts have taken place, I could perhaps do another very personal version which could remain with as my personal copyright, to be shared and relished perhaps with those that remain close to me, viz., the FmXt !!

Oh dear, depressions are bad, irrespective of what the circumstances be. They pull you down the moment competition or rivalry comes and takes charge. At times it is a joy to just be part of an ensemble animal farm, with nothing to do, except to live to see these two canine friends for example, and allow them, with due respect of course, the freedom that they most relish and have relished ever.

A depressively depressive state for the common man, can manifest itself into something that could be undesirable to others. And we who pride ourselves in the image of the modern man, surrounded and pickled by that one electric bulb, or state of the art electricity, we sometimes forget, the meagre existence of the less privileged. We worry and be upset over issues that perhaps never even come for consideration in the eyes of the lesser. He or she worries about his or her next meal. We reprimand when our food is inadequately cooked.

They live under the benefit of a broken, leaky, roof. We .. spend hours of effort to make our ceiling be as colorful and decorative as possible. And on …

Our worries are for the absence of commerce or luxury. But they .. have never seen either commerce or luxury..

How then does one measure the extent and the length and breath of our depression. It pales into nothingness when it is looked at from the other perspective. I shall tell you how. You just thank your lucky stars, your fate and your destiny. There are no physical incomprehensible attributes for one and not for the other. Humans are structured alike.

Why then this deliberate attempt at division and dislike. Divided we fail and also fall. Some of us shall get up and fight our way back. But there shall be several that shall perhaps succumb to the divide, succumb to the differences and lie back in submission, never ever then to be able to rise to an occasion.

Some Government officers came across to educate me on the population growth world wide and also in the region where we exist. They were most alarming. They wish that I join a campaign to create awareness. I do hope that I can contribute to this cause, for it has been observed in the past that the effort made in this direction, has often been taken as a design to create all the wrong awareness !!

So I tell the officials, save the issue, leave me and my vulnerability out of it. When I am not desired why unnecessarily allow me to cause harm to a perfectly noble cause. For at the end of the tale that is what shall transpire.

Alternatively, let them get clearance first from the institution and the clearance for me as well. My undesirability in the recent past raised many eyebrows and caused anxiety to others. May those that doubt be spared this ordeal. Overlook me. I am but nobody and nothing. I can always be done away with. Not the issue. That must be saved and protected at all costs.

And so it shall … so help me God !!!

Amitabh Bachchan

May 7, 2010
Day 745

Prateeksha, Mumbai                           May 6, 2010                           Thu  11 : 40 PM

Eating ‘chiki’ late in the night after a healthy meal and a healthy debate on Tv can be one of the most debilitating acts of the century. And I just submitted myself to it. Eating unconditionally, or out of some inner fear, frustration or inactivity is such a curse. You eat not because you are hungry but because it is there.

Zee Tv that claims to have the largest library of my films, is bringing back ‘ Shaniwar ki Raat, Amitabh ke saath. And in doing so wishes that I speak a little before each film is broadcast, as an introduction to the making composition and execution of the project. So from 11 am onwards till it became physically impossible for me to continue, I have done the deed – almost 20 films. Some of the most difficult tasks 35-40 years after the project is over is, to be able to remember what transpired where and how. Its like a prolonged interview that lasts non stop for 8-11 hours. But …

Nostalgia has its own little matters and going down this memory lane, a most pleasant journey. We tend to forget what we may have done when it was supposed to have been done.

But nothing changed. As time went by and as the anchor kept narrating moments through his own design, I was pretty tongue tied at the vast amount of knowledge and work that had transpired during these 41 years. Films, stories, locations, incidents, approaches, beginnings and the eventual end after this grueling start. I think it was most enjoyable. Talking about people and colleagues. Incidents little and small that occurred, and how beautifully we remembered them. I cannot remember what I had for dinner last night, but remember how many takes it took me to perform a particular scene, and of that, which take, was the one that should have gone for printing. Why and how does this happen, I haven’t the foggiest.

The entire day has been spent on listening to the debates on Tv of the conviction of Kasab and that how soon we must exercise in our own way, his end. Not just to keep fighting and debating with long and unjustifiable expressions, but to in fact pursue the death sentence and the various connotations that shall follow it. I am no panelist and neither was I ever involved in anything that could lend credence to the debate. Some spoke viciously, some with passion and some with compassion. And it was the latest that worked, compassion. That seemed to be the crux of the debate.

The cry for yellow is getting blinding. And I must indeed succumb to its speed and activity. Take time out, sit down in solitude and reply to each and every one. Correct some fallacies, talk of old times, new times. Accept and move on. Eager to see what they do with the left overs !!

” The man that makes no mistakes usually does not make anything “

I am a believer in the above and of many more in the making.

My love to you – the ‘chiki’s’ were indeed delicious !!

Amitabh Bachchan

May 6, 2010
Day 744

Jalsa, Mumbai                           May 5, 2010                           Wed  10 : 31 PM

The infinitude of the private man ! The quality of having no limit, of being infinite. When you are private there is a quality that puts you in a state, where there can be no assessment of your limits. How many of us would  identify with that. Or how many would contribute to its existence. Would being private involve being patient. Being patient would involve some deliberation. Would it fall then in the class of being private. Being private too is a deliberation, is it not ?

And I wonder, if there is calibration to being private and if being private has the qualities of having no limits then is it not a subject to be fearful of. To be in possession of a limitless quality. This quality could be for good or for worse. One often hears the oft repeated quote of the fury of a patient man. Is this fury then a manifestation of ‘no limit, infinity’ of the private man.

Is being private then a disqualification. And if there are various strengths, albeit hidden, attributed to a man because of this, does this make the person a symbol of envy and perhaps hate.

If I remain private and do not share, not because I do not wish to, but simply because of my disposition, do I become a person that will be envied and hated. And then, those that share, do they become a symbol of love and goodness, by similar logic. Would this analysis be not fair then. I should think it would. And I do firmly think that the syndrome exists and is vehemently practiced. Not just generally, but deliberately in all professions and walks of life.

So what of those that do not practice this. Do they not become wrong even though they are right. I would tend to buy that. And I would not like to give examples. I would attribute a great sense of intelligence to all my FmXt. You would know and know well.

The summer heat beats down with great ferocity and the golden flowered ‘amaltaas’ with its bright yellow buds, lines the avenues where I drive through every morning and evening. And the other yellow flower blossoming tree, with the buds bell like, adorning the branches in their multitudes like so many miniature bells hanging down from the tops of the trees. And only for this just one month – May. Then they disappear, leaving the green branches desolate and free. They are a multitude bunched up outside our gates on the pavement. Large trees, spaced out evenly down the lanes. I decorate them with chinese lanterns during Diwali – inviting the Goddess Laxmi into our homes ! But thats some while still. Right now in this sultry heat, Jaya has very considerately placed huge earthen jars of water, for the man on the street to quench his thirst. On the road and pavement outside Jalsa and Janak, cool drinking water for those oppressed by the heat. And we keep topping it up every now and then to keep the flow going. Cute ! Na ..

I must take this opportunity to thank the numerous responses that have come in offering help for my medical condition. Doctors of repute, relatives of doctors of repute, friends of doctors of repute, all volunteering help and direction. I am expressing my gratitude to all and assuring them that were I to need some assistance I would most certainly refer to them. Thank you.

Tiny Bangladesh is playing merry hell into the mighty Australians in the T20 World Cup at Barbados and I am too enamored by it to continue here. Is that justifiable reason to disappear ? Please say yes !!

Thank you .. ha ha ..

Notice I did not wait too long for a response ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 5, 2010
Day 743

Jalsa, Mumbai                           May 4, 2010                      Tue  10 : 57 PM


Some corrections first. It is the Guillian – Barre Syndrome, the spelling for which I had been unable to get. Thank you FmXt for it. And the desire of one to write about the first meetings with several of my colleagues and directors is indeed a mammoth task. It cannot possibly be done in a single post. But the point is noted and an attempt shall be made in time to come. The comment from another that since this request had not been met indicated that I was not reading all the responses is therefore proved wrong. I do go through the entire lot. There is of course a most legitimate complaint that for long days now there has been no response to a response from me, and for this I plead guilty. I must firstly find time to do so, but I need some back up as well. If the internet line is running slow it takes an eternity for the submission to fructify and return me to the next response. The slowness of this process takes the immediacy of the matter away from me and is a hindrance. However, this cannot be treated as an excuse. I shall overcome it soon enough and bring on the ‘yellow’ sooner than later.

I came across an interesting piece in the TOI written by Mr Desai and thought it could be of interest to some of our readers. It is topical and pertinent I thought -

Pseudo – reality ! Indeed ! I found this to be so absolutely relevant in our times of maximum communication. The time span for drawing attention on an issue has been reduced to a couple of days, perhaps a couple more, and that is it. Lalit Modi and IPL had us at the edge of our seats for three days and is nowhere to be seen now. And quite frankly no one wants to either. Today its whether Kasab will be hung for his attack on Mumbai on 26/11. Soon this shall wear thin and some other headline shall take prominence. The essence of such observation is not how quick issues become irrelevant. The essence is that each issue is evaluated by such deed, not by its merit of relevance, but sadly by the merit of its commerce. Stretch the IPL and Mr Modi for 5 days and you can be assured that you shall lose eyeballs. Time to go somewhere else. The decisions on content and issues therefore is dependent on commerce and its eventual business for revenue. It is not the news, but the selling of the news that matters. And the party that is least affected by it is the one that perpetrates it. That is the irony of our media indulged life.

Ever since the judgement has been pronounced on Kasab on the terror attack, there are desperate attempts to get public reaction on the issue. Get someone else to say what in fact you want to say, is the guideline for them. And if you were to get a celebrity to say it, it would be most desirable. At times though it does not always stop there. If somehow a contra debate is initiated it would further the cause. Not of the issue, but for the commerce of the issue. And we all know who the commerce of such issues brings benefit to.

So let us consider the present scenario. The only terrorist caught live in the Mumbai attack of 26/11, Kasab, has gone through an entire legal procedure and has been prosecuted and found guilty. The sections of law which have been applied for his guilt stipulate hang to death. Thanks to modern information technology the entire world witnessed live the carnage that was carried out. The general sensitivity of the matter naturally points to great jubilation of this conviction and the sentiments run high for his early death. Yet, there are some in the fourth estate who wish to milk the event. I have been receiving sms from them on my reaction to it, but also very subtly and pointedly, camouflaging another related issue of capital punishment. I have not responded to any. Heavens knows where my quote on the matter would end up. In the world of death sentences, there have been several arguments and discussions on the topic of capital punishment. The most pertinent arguments that have emerged are – the one that got killed, was unaware of his end, and that it was sudden and quick. The one that has done the killing, has to wait for his judgement and then a time to be decided when he will be hung. The panel against capital punishment arguing that the end of the victim was quick and sudden and unknown ; the end of the convicted is known, but he has to wait for it and this they say is more cruel than the act of cruelty meted out to the one that was murdered. Media would love a situation like this to emerge, so they could revel in its ‘Face the Nation’ and ‘News of the Hour’ debates. Why, even as I write, I have another sms from a prominent anchor journalist, who attempts to reveal a righteous stand by stating that he has ” … been bothered a bit by the manner in which Kasab’s case has been treated by the media, almost baying for his blood. As if nothing short of death sentence  wouldn’t be justice…” He further states that “… despite the horrific nature of his crime, still feel uneasy with this aggression adopted by us…”.

Whereas one would tend to acknowledge the journalists sense of honesty in what he/she feels, what makes me wonder is why he/she would want to share such feeling with me. You are the medium Mr/Mrs/Ms Journalist. If you have such strong opinion on the matter, why not have the courage to admit it on your medium and more, correct it. I have not responded back on this sms, not because I did not have anything to say, but because I did not want to fall prey to the possibility of my remark becoming the voice of debate, question and who knows, insinuation. Media is  past master in turning words around.

So, what does one make of this. Is this or was this an attempt to get me involved, so the matter attains celebrity endorsement. Or was this a genuine attempt at sharing thoughts. I would like to believe it was the latter, but having been mercilessly bruised by the medium, I am forced, albeit with some reluctance, into believing that it could be the other.

When corruption leaks into a system, it has the tendency to corrupt entirely. And when it corrupts entirely, it has the capacity to give it a moral look of being the standard that is right and correct. Our misery is that we have become accustomed to corruption ; it has become our accepted norm. When one does right, he will have to bear the insolence of being the lone voice. In a system where majority rules, this lone voice will get demolished and squashed by the weight of the other.

Yet you know and I know, that the universe is filled with examples of that exemplary lone voice that moved mountains, beliefs, conquerors and usurpers. I would rather be that single lone individual, than one that followed the ‘evil’ Pied Piper like, to its ultimate end.

One can take a stand, or be perceived to be taking a stand. I wonder which is the better of the two.

My love to you, irrespective of whether you perceive it or not ..

Amitabh Bachchan

May 4, 2010
Day 742

Jalsa, Mumbai                           May 3, 2010                        Mon  11 : 54 Pm


It is difficult to describe  an overwhelming experience, particularly so when it has a reference to oneself. Tonight as I glance through a deluge of mail towards my post and my condition, I am equally if not more dumbstruck than most of those that commented on yesterdays description.

I must then in all humbleness and gratitude, express my grateful thanks to those who came on in such large numbers and gave me the strength and courage and acknowledgment, on my condition. I had hesitated on my description for long. My hesitation was never governed by the desire to extract shock or surprise or in some cases an overbearing emotion from those that were informed. My desire in informing has got nothing to do with ‘extraction’. I hate myself for even mentioning it thus. My desire to inform was governed by the the value of content as a commitment to this medium and to this extended family. Nothing else. Pain needs to be felt not remembered. I do not do justice to myself by recapturing all that transpired. I would rather that I did not remember at all what I went through. What a waste of time and energy in thinking back. But what a saving, in thinking forward. In thinking about today and perhaps tomorrow. What will I get in running back. Those incidents can never be erased or repaired. Were I to gain from lamenting on the past I would practice such exercise every moment. For, God knows how much I would have cherished a blemish free existence. But life had conditioned itself about me in the manner it did and with cause. I would rather not fight that. I would rather I fight for what is yet to come. For me to think that tomorrow shall be event and incident free, looking at my somewhat rugged past, would be an error of mammoth proportions. We calculate our existence with what we have experienced. We calculate our experience with what we endured. And we calculate our endurance by standards set by ourselves. In each example, it is the ‘we’ or ‘I’ or ‘us’ that predominates. This is laughable. We do not construct our acts and deeds deliberately to go wrong. Yet they do go wrong. If we had the power to control our own existence, then why on earth are we still here, struggling daily with our routines. We should have gained ‘nirvana’ by now. Nirvana does not permit beings to engage in life. In that exalted condition we should be in a different world. But we never are. We remain here to strive and struggle and live and exist. And when we have submitted to all that was desired of us, or all that was expected of us, we leave. We remain here to finish unfinished tasks, to be tested in examination of our capacity and ability. Just as we terminate one hurdle in the classroom of our education through vigilant test and move ahead to the next, so also do we get tested each day of our life as we move closer to the ‘next’. I do not know what that test will be, or whether it will be at all. But if I am functional and alive, I will look upon it as confirmation that there is still a ‘next’ that I need to travel. I may not want to go there. I may be apprehensive of it, or reluctant at its possible outcomes. But I feel it is better to accept that if we are existing then there is reason behind it. And I would rather celebrate this existence than be bludgeoned by the thought, that it shall not be conducive to my desire. I wish that what we desire always come through as fulfilling as we want, but it never does. So why lament.

By drawing your attention to my condition I have witnessed feelings from others that put me very close to a condition of lament. I would hate that to happen. It has taken me a bit to remember what all occurred with me. This is not some bravado that I exude. Its my genuine condition that I really do not remember. It is not that much cliched remark of ‘ i do not want to remember’. I genuinely do not remember. It does not stay in my mind. And I find that this condition gets applied to other aspects of my existence as well. Whether it is good for me or not is not in debate. What is in debate is, what is there for me tomorrow. I want to look forward to it. To worry about it. To challenge it, to experience it, to imbibe it.

And for that I must build myself today. Someone on the blog posted a medical report that confirmed through investigation, that a 10 hour sleep at night regenerates the body. It is past midnight here and I rise for gymming at 6. I am already late by 4 hours !!

Good night … and with love,

Amitabh Bachchan

May 3, 2010
Day 741

Jalsa, Mumbai                       May 2, 2010                     Sun  8 : 53 PM


Sunday evenings are the adrenalin, not just for me but for any public figure, when the people support and affection comes voluntarily. This evening outside Jalsa was that much more. Enthusiastic, warm loving and boisterous !! The police phones in and comes by to send in a message. Come out and greet the people sir, the traffic is blocked and its causing a problem. Security and staff get that weekly opportunity to flex their muscles in keeping the crowds at bay and I get the opportunity to flex my fingers in autograph signing !! A warm lovely moment and I am always surprised how this has lasted for so long. 1982  to 2010. Thats 28 years !! Goodness that’s a lifetime ! God has been kind and very gracious.

I was keen to put into thought a topic that has in a way not really troubled me but would I am certain, be of some interest to the readers. However, I think it can wait for a while. What cannot is the medical calendar, and that is what I intend to start today.

The 1982 episode of the Coolie accident is so well documented by the media, that apart from some personal views on the episode, there is not much in repeating it. The intestine had been ruptured by either the blow to the stomach through a punch or the edge of the table. Immediate detection of it would have been a most simple procedure and repair would not have been so alarming. But Bangalore in 1982 was not the Bengaluru of today. Medical facilities were limited and not as sophisticated as the issue under consideration demanded. A portable x-ray was used to diagnose what my excruciating pain in the stomach was due to. A smoked like cloud above the diaphragm was visible but ever so light that it did not draw the attention of the doctors. Apparently that is an indication that there has been a rupture in the intestine and the gases are collecting. A wait of 72 hours followed without detection or surgery. Deadly in the circumstances, because it allowed all the impurities to drop into the stomach for all this while, and attack all the other organs. I also went onto what is commonly known in the medical profession as the ‘vip syndrome’, where doctors are hesitant to involve themselves into any procedure because of the sensitivity of the patients name. Any way the surgery did take place in limited facilities, but with the warning that the stomach would rupture again and another surgery would be needed soon. So shift to Mumbai asap. The ride to Mumbai and the second surgery and the coma condition and the almost dead situation and the ampules of adrenalin that worked, the recovery and the days after, have been spoken of before. But a stomach surgery, indeed two in quick succession always have the possibility of hernia developing. And that is what is of concern now. There are now two urgent hernia in the lower abdomen which have swelled up dangerously and cause me problems. Sharp pains when I stand for too long, or walk too much. During dance and action scenes there is huge pain and I counter that with a hernia belt, which is temporary and not really a cure. So the docs have been after me for a surgery, well two actually on either side of the abdomen, and I have been avoiding it because of my busy schedule, but I shall have to take care of it now. And now after my third surgery of the stomach a few years back when I was diagnosed for diverticulitus, there is another hernia that is developing. Of that later say docs. Because of the several times that the stomach has been opened up there are lesions and they at times stick and cause problems. Also at the time of the first one in 1982, in order to drain the stomach of its impurities, the acute peritonitis, a number of holes were made in the stomach to allow them to flow out. They are flat corrugated like rubber strips that stick out of the stomach and then when all is clear after several days they are removed and the skin heals over it, but leaves a scar. I used to joke after my recovery that I now had a mini golf course on my stomach ; I actually counted the holes and they were 18. Once the stomach muscle is cut it never gets back to its original strength. And since all body action, at least all the vital ones are controlled by the stomach muscle, my actions or the ability to execute them diminished considerably. So running, jumping, getting up and sitting down are all impaired. Soon after when I started shooting again, many in the media and one in particular spoke disparagingly and with great sarcasm about how I was spent force and that my speed had reduced during action sequences. Yes of course it had. Try doing action with three surgeries mr media man and you would know how tough it is. But what is laughable is that they would put my speed in film as an impediment. Speed in film can be cranked up and down technically mister, you do not have to actually run at 9.3 secs for a 100 meters. Technology can do better than that. Coming from a reputed cinema critic showed the callous nature of said individual. He also taunted in his columns of my ‘belly flowing over my belt’. A punctilious remark bearing very little in ethic. Those bulges have been my hernia and there is no way that they can be diminished. Such personalized and sorry for the pun, below the belt remarks are beyond any code of conduct. I have but borne them all with grace and dignity. But now that I do have access to a medium when I can give my side of the story, media accuses me of getting at them in my blog. Mr mrs miss media, it is your own insecurity and fear of being counter written about, that drives you to keep writing utter rubbish about us as a family. One respondent on the blog wrote in to say that since I do not waste a moment to take a swipe at the media, is it any wonder then that they hate you and that despite its prominent music launch, Raavan is not getting any mention by the media. Sorry to state miss, Raavan will get its own merit and the amount of hype that it is creating without your kind help is sufficient and considerably more noticeable than you would have imagined. Eventually dear lady, the film will succeed or fail because of its quality, not because of any and certainly not your, media hype or the lack of it.

So back to medical. Much before the accident on Coolie and its peritonitis, and then the hernia and the diverticulitus, there was surgery to my neck. A lump was noticed on my left side of the neck, a growth that became large enough for it to be diagnosed. I was still in College then and went through two surgeries at the Safdarjang Hospital in Delhi, without any major fault. The biopsy said it was a benign tumor, but immersed deep into the nerves and best left alone. But the scar and its disposition was ugly and cosmetically it did not look very presentable. When I was working in Kolkata I had it revisited and a very famous heart surgeon said he would remove the lump. I went into surgery for the third time, the lump was indeed removed, but there was a problem. The doctor had accidentally cut the nerve that holds up my shoulder muscle. For long through physio they tried to revive it, but it never did. My left shoulder muscle is gone for good now. My left shoulder droops because there is no muscle to hold my trapezium. For long, and some even now believe, that that is a style that I have developed as an actor in the way I walk. No it is not a style. I do not have the muscle, so it droops. I cannot therefore raise my left arm, and I am a lefty, fully to the top. If I do it will drop because it has no strength of its own. When I eat, and I am a lefty, I need to rest my arm on the table for support otherwise I cannot lift it up to my mouth. My shoulder and neck pain that I have often talked of is not because of strain, its because of the remaining working muscle on my shoulder compensating for the loss of the muscle on the other side. Immediate problems apart from the physical is that my left arm has become longer than the right and that has effect on my clothing – the tailors have a rough time balancing my shirt sleeves, my coat sleeves …

So not having even 20% strength on my left hand, my more powerful hand, purely because of this surgical accident, is a huge handicap.

Soon after the Coolie accident and almost exactly a year later, in almost the same region around Bangalore, working with the same director, Manmohan Desai, I dropped down while climbing the stairs to my hotel room on location. I could not raise my arms. I could not walk more than a few steps. Could not brush my teeth. Could not drink water, or purse my lips. They rushed me back to Mumbai back to Breach Candy Hospital and I was diagnosed for Myasthenia Gravis, a muscle dysfunctional disorder. If your eye shuts it cannot open on its own and if it opens it cannot close on its own ; you have to use toothpicks to open them by the hand and then hold them up with the sticks. Treatment started with mestinon a tablet that would get me functional again and I would slip into it again as the tablet effect wore off. 8 -10 tablets a day kept me going, until one day they told me it was another ailment that went by the name of the Gia Berry ( spl ? ) Syndrome. Symptoms same. After a few years of medication I went into remission. Which basically means it is dormant at the moment, but could reappear anytime. The only respite during the time I was bedridden was an emotional Manmohan Desai who called on me and when I told him I may never walk again, said – ” I will make a film with you on a wheel chair.. you will fight from a chair… and act sitting down … **@*&$@# ..” and a few of his choicest abuses followed. He had a never say die spirit !

The very next year after the myasthenia a bomb exploded in my hand, yes the left again, at the time of Diwali. It was a spurious ‘anar’, the sparkling fountain, and as I was lighting it it exploded in my hand. The entire palm and the area below my wrist burnt up into almost a pulp. The left hand had melted into a fist shape, with nothing left of it. No fingers, no nails, no nothing. The process of treatment started, I was in Delhi at the time and in the middle of a film shoot in Chennai. The film was ‘Inquilab’. There was a deadline on when the film had to finish and I was desperate to get back. The doctors told me I would not heal before the time I was asking. I was stubborn. I asked them to do the best they could and leave me. Delicate procedures to start separating each finger from the melted mass was an intricate and very painful process. Because of my recent surgeries under general anesthesia, they were reluctant to give me another one to perform the intricate work on my hand. I told them to do it live. When the pain became too unbearable I would tell them to stop and continue the next day. After days of work on it and some basics being achieved, I sought leave and reported for work, hand in bandage. If you will see the film you will notice that I made a style of my left hand by wearing a handkerchief over it. All the work that followed was done with my hand covered with a handkerchief, almost a style statement .. ha ha ..

But the hand was taking too long to heal. The skin was raw and even a gust of breeze on it would make me wince in pain. The fingers and the palm gradually began to come back along with the nails, but they were still unusable because they had lost all strength and could not be moved. I had another film ready to start – Sharaabi. I was in a dilemma, what and how I would do it. So I made another style statement. Put the damaged hand into my pocket and did all the performance in the film with the left hand thus. If you shall see the film you may notice for most part the left hand remains in my trouser pocket. There was one song portion in – ‘mujhe naulakha dilwa de re..’ where I had to play the ‘ghungroo’ of the dancer Jayapradha on my bare hands. That shot in the sequence is for real. I pulled out my damaged hand and hit the ghungroos with it. In the sequence in the film the hand bleeds because of this act and the dancer comes by and stops me. That blood that you see in the film is real, because the wound was raw and it bled and it pained, but I went ahead and did it. When the camera begins to roll, there is a certain madness that overcomes us. That moment in the film was one such occasion. It took me a month to get my thumb to move across and touch my index finger ! And it took many months before all my fingers could get mobile and operational and many years before all the burn scars could dissolve. Till then my hand would be made up for film with make up. But one thing did not heal – the web between the thumb and the index finger. It had melted beyond repair. So now my left hand web does not open to capacity and my index finger has become crooked.

In around 2002 when the cirrhosis of the liver was discovered, a lump was discovered around my groin region. They cut it up again in a local anesthesia condition and suspected cancer and sent it for biopsy. It took ten days for the results to come. Those ten days were like waiting for the guillotine. I was in the middle of KBC at the time. How would I ever be able to complete it. Chemotherapy would disfigure my face. Make up alternatives were being prepared. And all this while I went up every evening in front of the Tv cameras smile on face, spring in my walk, happiness in my speech. I was giving one of my best performances .. ha . The results came negative and I jumped for joy. The joy lasted  but short. I was getting severe spinal pains and I was under the impression that the KBC chair was the cause of it. So I started popping pain killers to get me through the episodes on Tv – 8 to 10 every day. This was destroying my liver condition, but what could I do it was impossible to even walk. On examination they threw the next medical bomb – they said I had contracted tuberculosis on the spinal chord .. or some such thing. Those two years of KBC were spent in this state. The TB they said was the ‘rich mans TB’, because they never exposed themselves to fresh air and the sun. A reference to this piece in my blog earlier on if you remember, had prompted that disgusting article on Aishwarya in Mumbai Mirror.

It took a year for the TB to cure. They have a course of medication and rest that works quite well and it did for me.

Some years back I started getting light flashes on the corner of my right eye. Checks showed that perhaps my retina was coming loose. On the sets of another Manmohan Desai film when Amrish Puri mistimed his kick with his metalled boot and hit my face, I dropped to the ground my nose in tatters and bleeding. But I was not too worried about the nose, I was cupping my eyes, just to make sure the impact had not displaced my retina and to prevent it from falling into the sand.

I am asthmatic so an asthaline pump is a regular in my pocket at all times. My leg injuries during a million action sequences have pulverized my veins and valves, so that now there is a circulation problem and during the shoots for Parvarish and Don an action dive on a hard surface damaged my L4 and L5 in the lower spine and a similar damage on the neck. They suggest surgery to cure it because the chord is bent, but I have had enough of operation theaters and desist.

Many after hearing these tales wonder how I am surviving. The American doctor in New York where I had gone for an opinion on my myasthenia wanted to see my medical report. On going through it he had inquired – ‘Is this guy still alive ? I cannot suggest anything more than what he has already been treated for, but I would just like to meet the man’. I did.

Many among you now after reading this report would be sick and disgusted by it – it does not make good copy. But if anyone were to ask me now how I was still alive, I would not hesitate to tell them its because of my extended family my EF, my FmXt !!

Love,

Amitabh Bachchan

May 2, 2010
Day 740

Jalsa, Mumbai                     May 1, 2010                  Sat  8 : 17 PM


More cricket !! Calypso magic !! Swaying palms, deep blue sea, green pleasant looking hills, smiling faces and India vs Afghanistan in the T20 World Cup in the West Indies for first match of this tournament. And later an important soccer match for Chelsea, to maintain its position for the League title. Sport abstinence depression, vanished as swiftly as it came in, a few days ago at the close of the IPL. Yea … yea … yeah ..!!

Okay .. sorry for that exuberance ! Just expressing anticipation of more occupied evenings, much to the consternation of some of the FmXt, and perhaps … well never mind ..

An old old friend from the days of Allahabad, wrote in – Syed Rifaquat Ali. He was in school with me at the Boy’s High School, now a journalist writing for Hindustan Times and sent me an article he did recently. Nostalgic. Here it is -

BHS … the boys school. And GHS its sister school for girls, some distance away. Came to BHS from St Mary’s Convent, where I was till the upper KG and then all the boys were asked to leave, because St Mary’s was for girls. Their brother school was St Joseph’s next door. But my parents put me in BHS and there is where I remained till the 7th, before moving to Sherwood in Nainital.

Yes Ali, I do remember you and the cricket with Ashok and Sudhir and that wonderful day on the school pitch when you and fellow classmate Subhash Bose made centuries. Ashok and Sudhir remained with me in Delhi too, in University and then in Kolkata, where we were all together hunting for jobs. We ‘chummeried’ together. My own expression of the more common ‘chummery’ used to describe a living arrangement where a number of executives working in managing agency houses, lived together in an apartment or rooms. We were all together in Clacton Apartments on Little Russel Street in one, yes one room on a bed and breakfast facility. At any given time we were never less than 8 of us in there. On beds closely strung together, on the couch, on the floor at Rs 300/- per month. And my salary was Rs 500/- which after taxes etc came down to Rs 450/-. One room, not more than 15′ by 15′ and one small bathroom, with an ancient gas system to heat the water in winter. Ashok, you may know passed away from a very strange illness and Sudhir who worked with a bank, I think Grindlays,  became pretty big and important. We met up several times in Mumbai too. I am uncertain where he is now. I remember Grindlays because Sudhir asked me to open my savings account there, which I did and which I had great pride in, because I had been able to save up almost Rs 400/- in it. I mention this with some alacrity, because it had a moment for me when I was in Mumbai looking to join the film industry. On a particularly desperate day in this beautiful city, when nothing was working, when there was no job, when feeding myself was getting difficult, I suddenly remembered that I still had not closed my account in Kolkata at the bank and that I could well use the saving there, for my meals, at least for a few days. I made repeated visits to the branch here and kept pestering the management to transfer my money to Mumbai so I could use it. They kept stalling the process and after many reminders and futile attempts I walked into the Manager’s Office one day, offended that the bank was not giving me my money. The Manager was calm and well mannered and most politely told me that my balance was indeed not 400 rupees but a mere Rs 5 and 48 paise and that even that was being utilized as transfer fees, so I in fact had nothing in the bank ! There have been many embarrassing moments in my life, but the walk back from the bank that day was one that I shall never forget. I never had the courage to look up and match glances with a host of bank employees staring down at me !! I was ashamed at myself, at my condition and my state. And when I see youngsters today on these reality shows on Tv, so keen and determined to excel and be accepted because their Mother’s sold the last piece of their jewelry for him to enter the competition, I am moved beyond expression. I was one of them or perhaps worse and I thank the Lord for his kindness and care towards me. Life changes without warning. It took care of me soon enough after that bank incident, but banks came back into my life in the middle when everything was going well. At the time of the formation of AB Corp, banks of immense presence and value used to be sitting in my office pleading that we take our funds from them and give them the honor of being associated with me. And when the company went bankrupt, when I went bankrupt, those very same banks invaded my premises, abused me for not returning their money, threatened me and filed court cases against me. Life changed again. I was alive again and liquid. I paid back all that I owed money to, banks included, but I shall never forget those representatives and those senior administrators, or those chairmans of these lofty institutions that had maltreated me. I will not name them, but I shall never forget them for their attitude to me and I shall never ever bank with them, god willing.

Yes, Ali I remember all that you write about. 17, Clive Road and those unbearably hot summers and the visits to my house in the middle of the day when I used to sneak out to play marbles. I visited BHS again during the time when I fought an election from Allahabad. So much has changed since the time when we were there. I remember most of the anglo indian names that you mention. Some of them I had encountered on the playing fields and in the boxing ring. I remember the 2nd standard classroom and our race to reach it first after a break and how Sudhir had accidentally pushed his hand in through the glass window of the door and lacerated his entire hand. He still carries those scars, I may inform you. I wonder too if you remember Rajni Kant Verma. He joined the foreign service and I met him long time ago when he was posted in our mission in Pakistan. I met Prabhat Govil if you remember him. The brilliant student who always came first even when he had had a double promotion into our class. Met on a flight once. He was on his way to USA where he had become a most promising doctor, I think. And do you recollect the Brar’s. Some of his family remain in touch. The Brar’s, his Mother, that ran a hospital in Allahabad, the hospital where I was born in 1942 ! Such old tales. And Unniyal. I met him recently in Delhi. Our grandchildren, his and mine, were performing on stage at a function put up by my daughter Shweta for a noble cause.

Thank you Ali, for all the memories and enjoy your stay and life in Sydney.

Gosh !! Takes a while to come away from those days and those times. Somehow time stands still in those corridors. These are the doors that never close. Those are the times of our lives. The happiest ever, irrespective of the circumstances.

I was wanting to devote today to so many pending thoughts. Yes the medical and another of value, but I think they shall have to wait for another day. There were some cuttings from a news paper that had ignited my thoughts. But let me see. I shall perhaps work on it tomorrow.

BHS … goodness .. so many memories … coming in the first three in class, standing on the victory podium at number 1, first in all the track events and a proud and excited Mother taking my photographs, getting hit by a shoe thrown by one of the seniors because I refused to be bullied by him, my head splitting open and my father taking umbrage at the incident, my first time in a boxing ring, my first caning in the school by the principal, a sharp chisel in the carpentry class going through my finger as I missed the wood, finger hanging in two pieces and getting it stitched up, the mark still there with me, the boy scouts, the camps in the hills of Kumaon, the marathon that we ran through the city, not eating my lunch and throwing it away in the bushes at the bus stand where I got off  to walk home, getting caught one day for it, the thrill of being in a chemistry and physics lab in school for the first time, playing ‘gulli danda’ beyond school hours, and yes totally forgot, how accidentally I hit the ‘gulli’ into Sudhir’s eyes on one occasion … the school stage appearances, reciting childrens poems written by my father – ‘gubbaron ka lekar dhaer, dekho aaya hai shamsher’ , a poem on the ballon man, and at a particular juncture to having to burst a balloon with a pin that I carried surreptitiously, but it not working because the air in the balloon had diminished …

I could just go on and on and on …

“… those were the days my friend …”

Love.. nostalgic … permanent

Amitabh Bachchan

May 1, 2010

April 2010

37 posts

Day 739

Prateeksha, Mumbai                April 30, 2010              Fri  11 : 11 PM

The moon shines full and brilliant in the skies. Yesterday was poornamasi, the night of the full moon. A night when Librans go mad, when the waters in the sea swell up, and when bloggers like me have nothing to write, write all the same.

Nothingness is, in all reality, a most fascinating state to be in. Having a digital luminous time keeper in the bedroom is the virtual precursor to a nothingness that will follow as a result of it. The alarms may be set, on the clock, on the mobile, on the wrist watch, yet it is the call of nothingness that keeps requesting you to push that pillow back a bit, come out from under the summer duvet and check with ‘digital’, on whether it is time to be up or not. There is nothingness that abounds around you as you dress for the gym. You are not inventing some new fashion and neither is there a desire to impress the trainer. Its routine – strap up the stomach to comfort the numerous surgeries, slip on the belt along the pelvic region, pull up the battery belt around the heart to check its rate through the heart rate keeper horologe on wrist. Track pants on, matching track sweat shirt on, sneakers on over tennis socks, cap on, bag slung on with glasses mobile keys to the kingdom .. ha .. backing out from the gates and zooming through the by lanes and early morning pedestrians, into Janak, into lift, into 3rd floor, into the morning drink and 2 dates … and on to nothingness .. er ..tread mill !! Time, weight, age speed in … okay … move your legs old man, the tracks below you move now .. TV screens light up .. an MTv song and dance routine of the latest promos on releasing films, the morning hour news, a football game on another, your days’ horoscope through grey bearded man on another … and another and another and another …

Nothingness … the repeats on the machines, the repeats on the weights, crunches for the abdomen, a prayer to the sun, pranayam, avilom vilom to the chants of OM, a quick note for the record, a reading for the BP, message to doc, done with the routine and back to nothingness …

Driving back and trying desperately for others to follow traffic signals and basic road rules and protocol. No one does. Its morning hours and time to break the red light, turn in on the wrong side of the road and when checked or shouted at, get shouted back.

Back into nothingness and to favorite and worn down comfort chair to go through all office paper work, news and a quick look at the blog. And then … nothingness. Lunch with the wife who has just returned huffing and puffing from the gym too and then … nothingness.

Alright time to catch up on events and schedules of travel, meetings to be set up and then … no wait .. a film .. well 2 today. Enjoyed the way MNIK, is Khan opened and getting so drawn in by the way it has been shot, the way Kajol is the most natural among all, and how sincerely Shahrukh has performed … getting a bit stretchy in the second half, but what a great effort and then a few meets later … Ishqiya !! Delightful !! The characters so beautifully etched and so marvelously performed. Arshad and Naseer exemplary and such a change over in Vidya. But amazing how each and every small character that you see, is so genuine and correct. Fresh faces. New and never before seen, but such a command over the language and the performance, especially since they recreate the North Hindi speaking belt from UP and MP. The technology and screenplay, the camera work and editing and the music and the haunting voice of Vishal Bharadwaj’s wife Rekha, a most consummate singer.

When you witness something appealing, the eyes moist. Its a funny reaction to a creative high. There were moments in MNIK and moments in Ishqiya when the hair on the hands rose. Two contrasting locations for the films, yet not a moment left to feel that there was something that was amiss in their recreation, merits standing alone on the other side with their own value systems.

Its spurring me on to get in front of the cameras, even before asap .. but …

At the end of all this its still nothingness …

Work and employment are such an essentiality. One needs it to survive yes, but one needs it to survive on other fronts as well – mobility of the mind, mobility of the body, mobility in thought. Stop this for a while and it begins to tell. Tells you that you are moving fast towards nothingness ..

But in the nothingness of life there is desire to do, to give … Give away that which is past its usability, give away that which is in excess, that which is not essentially required. And give it away to the needy and aged who are in the care of institutions and homes. Such a fulfillment when you do that. To watch the expressions of joy on the face of the receiver … for in this does nothingness dismiss itself … finally !!

My love to all … in joy and fulfillment … in the remote presence of nothingness .. and in my submission to the cause … the cause that you build each day each hour !!

Amitabh Bachchan

Apr 30, 2010
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