Jalsa , Mumbai June 29/30 , 2011 Wed/ Thu 12:17 AM
शब्द ही के
बीच में दिन-रात बसता हुआ
उनकी शक्ति से , सामर्थ्य से -
अपरिचित मैं नहीं हूँ .
किन्तु , सुन लो ,
शब्द की भी ,
जिस तरह संसार में हर एक की ,
कमज़ोरियां, मजबूरियाँ हैं -
शब्द सबलों की
सफल तलवार है तो
शब्द निबलों की
नपुंसक ढाल भी है .
साथ ही यह भी समझ लो ,
जीभ को जब – जब
भुजा का एवज़ी माना गया है ,
कंठ से गाना गया है .
In the hustle and bustle of life, when was there time to sit and think – that what I did, say and believed in, was either good or bad .. the moment my consciousness was revealed to me, I saw myself standing in the midst of this world feria.. Latin for the word ”fair’ as in the amusement park .. for a moment I stood there amazed and wonder struck … where have I come, what do I do, where do I go .. when all at once there came across a tidal push … and I did swim and sway along with this play …
I am questioned often as I move from station to station, from anchor to anchor, from a set of lights to another, on how I ‘deal’ with, what I deal with and have been dealing for the last four decades. What motivates me to keep this act going .. how I manage my time and interest in all that I do .. and I have really no answer for it. I have no answer because I have never realized whether it would be of any interest to make question of it in the first place. What answer then to irreverent question ? My state and my act may seem questionable to others, but only if it breaks custom in general social or moral terms. But it does not and never did. If I have never shown or even remotely suggested that I need attention on this score, then perhaps the demand for a response is legitimate. But not having done so and not desirous of any either, does not make it a contentious subject ! Or does it ?
If it causes worry to another. If it slumbers them. If it disturbs their otherwise demarcated existence. Can it then be assumed that it be put up for public debate ? I would imagine not.
Wanting to disclose secrets of existence, or should I say alleviated existence to some, would touch borders of great private intimacy. I may be public in some respects but never too public to disclose all. Or would that not be a consideration ? And … in many ways this is not a disclosure of privacy at all .. it is a desire to know, in a funny way, why I possess the kind of genes I possess …
I think I rant too much !! Intellect shall have to play an important part in conversation, which wants to delve within the layers of such subjects. This is not to assume that intellect does not exist. Its just that at times where it is going, may lack the propensity.
When you wish something and then decide to wish it away does it affect. Would it be the same were it to be fulfilled another day. Does it contribute to ineffectiveness. Does the virtue of its intent fade away. Will its ultimate result be the same as when conceived. I struggle with it at times. It disturbs me that I am in such condition. It reeks of lethargic acute tendencies. Almost disrespectful in word and deed to the cause. I must take heed. This must be avoided. It causes grief and discomfort in bearings. Watch it Mr B ! Watch it !!
Did I realize for it to be the time to disperse …
Good night then … till another city, another world, another wind and culture, another people .. yet all the same and within …
My love -