Shooting Location, Mumbai Aug 12, 2014 Tue 1:08 pm
Work continues .. life moves on .. the cycle of time never stops .. !
With love ..and care …
Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 11/12, 2014 Mon/Tue 1:26 am
The hour has passed .. the early rings of the 12th of August bear within .. they are precious and dear and all encompassing .. they are what we are .. they be what they be for us and me .. they were so, we were ..
12 th August .. the birth of her that gave birth to me !!
Each day I look at the face of the most beautiful, compassionate, effervescent lady in my life .. I seek her blessings as she looks down upon me from the side of her husband my Father .. I seek strength from her, and wisdom from my Father .. they stay together in the room I preserve, in the house that commands my first ever - and will, till the last of me - ‘Prateeksha’ … swagat sab ke liye yahan par, nahin kissi ke liye prateeksha .. welcome all to this abode, but not a wait for any .. words that ring true in one of my Father’s works, but he felt it right to name the house in its meaning ..
Just below her, another family togetherness in picture .. my GrandFather, Sardar Khazan Singh Suri and my GrandMother, a Sodhi, the family that has traditionally been the 'prabandhak's' of the Anandpur Sahib Gurudwara, one of the most revered in the Sikh divinity … my Mother’s Father and Mother.
My Mother Tej Kaur Suri, before marriage, was just 3 months old when her Mother passed away. She never did ever experience the joy and care and the most important company of a Mother. She never knew what a Mother was ! Is that in some way indicative of how dear a Mother she herself became, when we were born ? I often wonder, as does my Father in his autobiography !
I touch their faces through the enlarged miracles of photography, stand silently before the beginning of the day, and wish and pray that they extend their love and care to me and the family ..
The Ramayan sung in tune, the Hanuman Chalisa rendered by me, and at times the Gurubani plays constantly in that room where my Father breathed his last. And as I cross over the space in front of the pictures, I feel the presence of my Father’s bed as he lay just there in his last moments, his hand in mine, warm and soft, just like the times when he would extend it early mornings to me as a child, for the walks we went together on. The monitors on his being went erratic, and then with a gentle jerk of his body .. he …
I went up to my Mother, asleep in her own realm of a dysfunctional mind due to her extreme condition, and spoke to her. I cannot remember or gather what I said. What and how does one tell a Mother that she has lost her husband and me my Father ?
I put her with great difficulty on her wheel chair and carried her down to where my Father lay, unable to answer her repeated questioning of where she was being taken and why. And as I wheeled her next to her husband, she became silent .. not a word was spoken, not a nerve in her otherwise active body moved .. and after a while I took her back silently to her room upstairs .. throughout the mourning and the prayers and the ‘chautha' she remained dark glassed and silent .. it was as though she herself had shaded herself from the reality .. true in many ways , for she never ever did speak or ask after him till she herself .. joined him …
My Mother .. unknown to my Father till they accidentally met ..
My Mother … who had never heard of who my Father was ..
My Mother … who left her all - her luxuries of her opulent home in Lahore and Rawalpindi and Lyalpur and Karachi, her English Governesses and a fleet of my GrandFather’s Lancer’s and Rolls Royce’s, to marry my Father, an unknown of meagre means, in their very first meeting, within hours ..
My Mother … who fought against caste and creed, tradition and old values, to come and live in an alien land in the heart of conservative Allahabad, with my Father ..
My Mother .. the lioness, that would take on an entire gang of thugs who had dared to threaten her children when they were small …
My Mother .. who sat by my side in those early disastrous years of my film profession, running her fingers through my hair and reassuring me that all would be well ..
My Mother that never showed or expressed any emotion that would trouble her, in front of us, so we would not be disturbed, despite some horrid and ugly circumstances .. and who after years and years of this bearing, could not consume anymore pain and hurt, found the absolute moment to express it to me … after the first trial she saw of ‘Deewar’ ..
My Mother … who wept for hours like a child, for a child whom she felt had actually passed away in the film …
My Mother … with the gentleness of her chiffon saris, and the perfumed walk down the corridors of her College, where young students would await her arrival wondering which clothing she would fashion on the day and what the essence of her perfume …
My Mother .. who gave cheer and reason to smile, to all that came in her proximity ..
My Mother .. born on the 12 th of August, in the year which even she did not quite remember, except that she was perhaps 10 - 11 years younger than her husband ..
My Mother .. like all Mother’s … the best in the entire universe … !!
Happy Birthday Ma ..
Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 10, 2014 Sun 11 : 27 pm
After long a day to myself and my thoughts .. spent mostly on reclined chair, wishings for RakshaBandhan, serials that draw you into their realm, and the Sunday well wishers .. seeing them after many Sundays because of my travels and absence from the gates of Jalsa … but still they come .. a most humbling experience !!
Its back to ‘Shamitabh’ tomorrow and the last few days of the film, which has a release date set for Feb 6, 2015 .. a long way away … but in the world of cinema, not so …
It is not easy to be away for too long from Balki .. his madness, his thought process, his out of the ordinary box ideas …
But that is what is fascinating .. among the very few directors that insist on me not being me .. !! And actually enjoying doing that ..!
So I head to bed with the ‘mares of hair and copious hours of systematic and endured torture, loved and admired by Mr Balakrishnan .. aka my director ..
I deliberately spend a few more than required words for him tonight, because I learnt from him that he is an avid reader of this junk that I write each night !!
Gyming in the morning for just a few hours does that magic which propels much required energy for the day .. quite something, really .. how a few moments on tread, on weights, on electronic dumb bells, on cone liked pillars, on ab crunchers, on pulleys, on mat and breathes of OM .. almost magical …
That is a pointer to the rakhi’s i received from dear and near ..
Good night ..
Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 9, 2014 Sat 11:41 pm
An auspicious day tomorrow : RAKSHA BANDHAN ! the day for the sister to tie that band and thread of protection to the brother and the pledge from him of his love and care ..
…. just to give a personal touch to the moment .. its Nandi tying one on my wrist at the KBC shoot .. pranaam !!
Kunal … happy birthday and love from all the Ef .. have a great day !
They tell me to slow down .. ! They ask me where I get this energy from .. ! They inform me that excessive work and no rest is not advisable ..!! They question me first on my health wherever and whenever they meet me .. !!
Yet .. they are the first to come over with a project a job a work that needs immediate attention, that is of concern and that were it not to be done with some immediacy it would have reverse repercussions .. !!
I listen with some intent, for listening is rare in times of speed and quick repartee. I also weigh their concerns in the silence of my silence. And I give due conduct and consideration to the voice of the Lords ! The voice that quivers and echoes constantly in loud reverberation, must have some divinity attached permanently to it ..
I have no justifiable excuse or answers, retorts or riposte to what they express, but I do have my sense of that renowned Libran balance, a balance that holds me together I hope and one that shall assist me in making the right decisions at the right time for the right reasons ..
I do believe that if there is some enjoyment, one that
[Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. A variety of biological, psychological, religious, and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources. Various research groups, including positive psychology, endeavor to apply the scientific method to answer questions about what “happiness” is, and how it might be attained.]
, brings happiness in our work and habitat, in our environs of profession, in the intricacies of the challenges that we provoke ourselves, then the proclaimed wretchedness of exertion, time, condition and so many other ‘tions’ remains dormant and more importantly silent …
I do not for once wish to put away as some unwanted gibberish, the elements of deep care and concern expressed by those that love and share this loveliness with me - I value it beyond what they express - but the ultimate reasons and motives for such acts of mine must be felt and understood from the viewing glass that takes its name from a certain Amitabh Bachchan ..
I work yes, because I enjoy it and that that is all that I know. I work for the commitment given to one or many ones in the spirit of what I deem to be professional - it may vary though with others - and I work because there is a need .. a need to be existent, a need to be … just to be .. !!
And so … there is despite the work and effort required for an episode of KBC, a few words to be spoken for radio, one of the largest communicators in the country today, for Red Fm and the beautiful Sangeeta. There is preparation and discussions on how we will tackle my role in Vidhu Vinod Chopra’s next directed by Bijoy Nambiar, a director of merit, who assisted the great Mani Ratnam .. there are questions and answers and practical deliberations to be conducted on my mobility in the film, my code of dress and the times needed for my rehearsals prior to arriving on set ..
And soon after, as I continue to glance at the App., of Star Tv Sports on my iPhone, keeping in cheering touch with Abhishek’s Kabaddi team the #JaipurPinkPanthers, playing Telugu Titans for Vizag in Patna, I do, look- tests for Shoojit Sarkar’s ‘Piku’, going on the floor on the 14th ..
And then the Panthers WIN … ! and India looses devastatingly to England in the 4th Test Cricket .. and the little one wishes for a pink marker to draw her nondescript etchings on sheets of ‘POST’ , you know those square note pages that have the quality of being stuck so effectively on any document that requires a remark on them … and there is connect to be given on three different platforms, to various responses, to followers who get edgy when they do not hear from me, who make the most aesthetic drawings and paintings of mine, which I post immediately gaining tremendous accreditation ..
I mean there is so much to be done before the pillow …
Yet … !! Can I ever do without all this ..
Good night dear ones and my love to all … near and far …
and a chance and sudden meeting with Aamir Khan in the Atrium of YRF, as I stride rapidly towards the floor of KBC ..
My love …
Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 8/9, 2014 Fri/Sat 1 : 17 am
Another day of problematic connect ! The Tumblr. is misbehaving ! I cannot get to the main page to see who have responded ! This is so frustrating !! Each time these social media sites make changes to appearances and their altered look and find they need to warn us and inform us how to operate them .. but no … it us always us that have to find our way around !! Damn !!
Now I have no way to read or access how many of you came in response and how many I was wanting to give answers to ..
The shoot of ‘Shamitabh’ … away from the more glamorous and bright lights of KBC and the joy of meeting contestants learning their stories and lives and of course meeting the odd Ef who shine and abound the audience columns in the studio ..
Closed doors ! Blocked entries and hard ended throw outs ..
Fighting ones way through closed doors and attempting to push away the obstructions, has been the story of everyone’s life .. it does not matter if you are pushed out .. but it does matter if you meekly accepted it or fought for the entry denied to you ..
One may not succeed in the end, but at least an attempt was made and perhaps a few strong signals sent .. that is important ! The signal is the word .. comply with it … let it linger in the minds of those that foresee defeat, for defeat is never final .. it lives as long as you would wish it to !
The film ‘Shamitabh’ draws to a close and in another couple of days, another shall begin … ‘Piku’ with Shoojit Sarkar, Irfan Khan, and Deepika Padukone … simultaneously of course with the ever friendly and committed KBC .. !!
But why the dickens is this Tumblr. not opening the way it used to !!
Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 7/8, 2014 Thu/Fri 2 : 42 am
The horrific story of human trafficking .. the revelations by Fatma Khatu whom you see with Rani Mukherji .. where it existed in her own house, by her own husband .. and her fight against it .. !! Incredible lady !! See this episode it shall make your hair stand on end .. !!
Then the contestant in orange who insisted on walking the ramp with me .. and there we are stomping about in rhythm ..
But discipline still occupies my mind .. and when they are executed by those that have been with us for years and years, it is a sad moment when we take action against them .. but they must learn that nothing can be taken for granted .. they are because of someone and if that someone is given disrespect then they must suffer the same hurt that they inflict on others .. !!!
Tomorrow its back to ‘Shamitabh’ .. and the hours of make up and ..irritability … !!
Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 6/7, 2014 Wed/Thu 2: 02 am
I can accept slack countenance .. but I shall not accept indispensability !!
There is a belief that once taken in, is in, and cannot be replaced or alternated with .. may be … may be for others .. but not for me .. there is capacity for me to be my own at my own with my own .. and the test for which can be taken anytime of the others convenience ..
Push me .. and I shall be pushed .. trouble me and I shall be troubled .. but I shall always have the liberty of pushing back and providing trouble for the other ..
So … got everyone all excited and concerned !!
Relax .. its just an adrenalined mind that thinks up these facets of human behaviour .. inspired really by the true story of the fiery young lady that came on with Priyanka Chopra to KBC in our special programme called ‘Housalebaaz’ .. one with determination and strength, displayed in circumstances that have troubled and abused the young female gender in society … that did not feel defeated and ostracised even in the gravest of situations .. that willed herself to fight back the abuse and wretched behaviour from the opposite sex in dehumanising them to atrocities that cannot be tolerated by any human ..
Usha Vishwakarma from Lucknow, UP fought back abuse and formed a RED BRIGADE of young girls, trained them in the art of self defence and wanted to form an Academy by the earnings at KBC to teach and arm those oppressed and suppressed women in the country to give it back to the invader ..
And Priyanka does just that in her film ‘Mary Kom’ the bio made on the life of this fearless athlete from the North East, Manipur, who won the World Championship Women’s Boxing event 5 times and won a medal for the country at the last Olympics ..
Good night … it is well past my hours of work ..
Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 5/6, 2014 Tue/Wed 1:34 am
Today - August 5, 2014 : Vinit Joshi & Roepa Mahabiersing
Tomorrow - August 6, 2014 : Pawan Pipalwa
To my dearest Ef’s on their birthday .. a special wish for their long life good health and the happiness that they may still not have seen .. enjoy and have a lovely day … !!
It creaks and lumbers on, regardless .. its the way the body looks and feels with age .. mobility gets restrained and the mind takes a while to recollect and remember .. at times it sways gently on the tip of the tongue, but never slips out .. it does though, when it is least required ..
Fluidity in actions and speech are a gift when they are the salient of a compulsion professional .. it is destructive then to lag behind when on the seat of conductor, more so when there are several duplis/dūplus eyes observing each and every fibre of the DnA on your being ..
Wit and repartee are the just survivors of such enactment .. but it needs a built of caliber to execute such .. there is admiration then of huge proportion when you reside in the company of one that does possess ..
The gift of the moment .. expressed and delivered in unison builds an entire opening .. we hope !!
I am in the mode of the standby .. where the lights remain, but the image does not .. do I really believe that , that image ..? No never, never did, and never will or shall ..
Some possess great audacity .. and they be blessed for this their trait .. I acknowledge them too, but be damned if I do ..
Which is some kind of a dichotomy, but one that is happy and pure and generous ..
Generosity pays well, so long as we do not put a remembrance to it .. expressing it for the world to hear, is fruitless and repetitive, for, those that need to know, know .. those that do not, need never ..
An arrogance in such condition is built by certain permissiveness .. it is allowed, permitted, accepted and loved .. and so may it be ever ..
Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 4/5, 2014 Mon/Tue 12 : 08 am
I am fed of giving a response to .. ” where do you get all this energy from ..” .. Just stop it ! It is beginning to sound I almost should not possess it ! I work, I travel and I attend to that which I consider to be attended to. Bas !
Leave me and my self to myself … !!
That above is not for the Ef or those connected to it. Never ! I can never be so ‘polite’ .. hahahahahahaha … !! Gotcha !
But seriously though, just because they do not get what they would expect from me, does not make me liable to their command and demand !
I am vulnerable, I am controversial, I am not ideal, I am immature, self centered, egotistic and conceited as ever. I play games. I exercise hidden powers and equations for benefit. I promote and give backing to those that never deserve backing … all this and more …
Yaa !! I do, damn it … SO WHAT !!?????
Sort your own lives first before wanting to give advisories to me. Look who you are going home to, whose hand you hold, before giving me ‘gyan’ on how I must conduct my life !! It is my life not yours .. ! Ya .. ok .. I have not conducted my life as you would want it to be .. big deal ! I am happy with my inconsistencies and my failed faculties and conduct. I shall live with them … have all these years … and the few that are left shall also be lived the way it has been so far ..
I am most most grateful to you for your advise, concern, suggestion and comment … I am happy living with my inadequacies and failed expectations .. get going with yours, before I overtake you !!
Hello all … my dearest Ef, my most affectionate and loving .. you are the best that could have happened to me .. you are my strength and inspiration .. my cherished desires, my reason to lie awake at night, wondering if I have forgotten to press the POST button .. or placed additional years to the 2014 to 20116 .. or some such absurdity .. as I did last night …
forgiveness I seek for this .. !!
Dwell now in this and let me free my mind to the little softness of my head rest ..
On the sets of KBC here in Mumbai now and inviting presentations from the effervesent and hugely talented Parineeti .. the handsome and the cool Aditya Roy Kapoor, who join me to promote their upcoming film ..
"Daawat - e - Ishq"
May it be another success for them and may we continue to see their glory and fame endlessly …
Good night and my love as ever ..
Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 3/4, 2014 Sun/Mon 3 : 03 am
Surat was intoxicating .. many that saw and many that were involved in KBC seemed to be most excited and filled with praise ..
It is difficult to digest such expression, for inside of us we know what errors were made and the efforts it took to try and rectify them … but all in all I think a most rewarding experience ..
AND … if after seeing the results of this, there is acknowledgement … then there is desire and plans to go to other cities as well .. within and without .. within of course to the regions where we have not played yet and without … well I overheard some murmurings of Middle East, UK and USA … but like all other over hears this could be just another one of those hearsays ..
This down below is the result of a short stop over while driving down to Mumbai from Surat .. took me an hour to get out of this .. the love and affection is simply so humbling and emotional … to see the young and the old, women and children susceptible to crowd crushes, yet determined to push forward despite the heavy security contingent, can only mean one thing …
They really loved the Merc SUV, I was in …. !!
And here below.. the loving expression of joy .. they blocked the main highway, causing a great deal of consternation to many ..
And then driving straight to the shoot for Maharashtra Fruit production campaign .. finishing just a short while ago ..
There are songs in Marathi, the language of the State, that glorifies the colour of the seeds in the pomegranate .. so beautiful !!
Hmmmm … and then on set to find this … been a while since I gripped one of these ..
At a time in the life of mine, the sitar was a constant everywhere .. never learnt it, never played it, just held it and posed for pictures to merely impress those around, that I was some kind of a maestro ..
The lashing rain had to slow down our cavalcade of 9 cars … but as you looked around you found the beauty of the region during this time of year .. simply lavish and green and quenching the thirst induced upon it, by the scorching summer heat !!
I am at work again in a few hours .. 2 episodes of KBC on set in Mumbai .. !! So you will know what is next ..
My love to all …