Amitabh Bachchan's Official Blog

DAY 1669

Jalsa, Mumbai Nov 11/12, 2012 Sun/Mon 12:42 AM

Happy Birthday Rochelle and Sameer … may all the goodness of life be with you … may there be happiness always … may you prosper and be in good health ever … and may your love an affection to our extended family be eternal … with great amount of love !!

There is an ethereal peace that abounds in the hotel room in Kolkata .. difficult to place it, but there, in all its presence. For some strange reason the mind wishes to stay back perhaps for another day. It stuggles with commitments at home and what shall await me when I return. I feel it more and more these days than ever before. I have met old friends and colleagues. They have aged and have a different look. Strange !

Somehow the impression you last saw them with remains eternally, and any deviation from it suddenly reminds you of your own journey and the time taken for it. It was the same a short while ago, at the wedding reception of Rohit Shetty’s sister’s wedding. I met his Mother after perhaps a short and sad meeting in 1986. She was in dire straights, and needed help. I helped her. Today grey haired completely, subdued and so gracious in her standing, a proud Mother to her son who excels with each film of his, embraces me with an affection that can only be shared between her and me. As I wish the couple and depart she holds me back and tenderly takes her hand in mine and guides it to her head, in reverence. A lot has passed since that last meet. And that gentle endearing smile says it all on her benevolent face. She has survived a difficult past, but has invested well in her up bringing of her now famous son. Such stories need to be told, heard and understood for a generation of young, that perhaps have forgotten the sacrifices that parents make so the children can prosper.

Many occasions like the above drop by me as time overcomes my years. There is a tendency to be nostalgic at every location, sphere of life or experience, that one has faced in the years gone by. This could not possibly be normal or even desired. Is it that undefined factor called ‘ageing’. There is a tendency of things and matter gone by to be remembered and spoken about even if not asked. I wonder.

Being in the company of the young and the fresh, you like to be one with them. They show respect and sublimate at times. It becomes embarrassing to see them do this. Why cannot they slap my back and laugh and be as playful as I would like to be, a normal buddy of their age. Respect and admiration that voluntarily comes from them, immediately alienates me to another category of the elder; one that needs to be respected, but never to be included in the times of those that pay me respect.

I think of times when I would have been younger and at an age when I could have worked with those that dominate the world of cinema in my country today. But all I get in return is a dignified smile and distance. I shall ever be grateful for that … but …

The trouble with Kolkata is that you miss it deeply when you leave. Departures are sudden. They come about without warning and at times without explainable substance. Perhaps routine changes. Perhaps people change, or drive you to change. Perhaps the reason that had held you back is no longer reasonable. The mind has cut away. Reasons and pleadings for it are no longer valid or of significance. There is a dark blanket that has been drawn over. No one sees in, no one sees out, except the person that wore it on. I did, and left. The pain and the harshness helps one in dealing with the thoughts that emerge, but the distance now is clear and distant. The climate of the other is more amenable. The locations are new and frightening and uncertain, but the self has been moulded into determination to possess, to achieve, to disprove all that the negativity had created. Now after it is determined and over, chance meetings may occur. They are filled with warmth and consideration. At times rough. On some the hold back is more alluring, on some a dignified pay back of the hurt and the discomfort that may have been caused, refuses to leave. Associations have a way of lingering on, eternally at times. Shared affection, camaraderie and togetherness shall always be difficult to pass over. But now there is no need for it to be rejuvenated. The cup of coffee has run dry. The patterns at the base are forms of interest, perhaps only of your own personal. They shall remain. Closeted and secure. I shall be responsible for their well being and health, no other. We do not need another other … !!!

I need to leave now … to look after that which remained closeted and secure

Love and loves to all …

Amitabh Bachchan